I honestly can’t tell if the cows are being super loud tonight for some reason or if it’s some kids with a speaker playing a stupid prank. Video was taken on Bartlett
I’m in grade 12 now so I kinda have to start applying to colleges and universities. I would ideally want to go to Douglas college for the engineering transfer program into ubc, and if not Douglas college then maybe Langara, KPU, or UFV. I have no idea what I need to do. Do I need to write an essay? What do I write about? How do I apply for scholarships? Do I have a better chance at getting in if I apply earlier? What should I do this is so overwhelming.
Today, September 29th, (my birthday as well), my favourite Jazz Violinist of all time Jean-Luc Ponty turns 84.
I recently confessed to my crush that I like her and got friendzoned. I’ve been ghosted and friendzoned more times than I remember. I just want to be chosen, I just want someone to want me as much as I want them. What is it about me that makes me so unlovable? I’ve never in my entire life felt romantic love in any capacity. It’s something I want so bad, not because it will “fix me” or “complete me” or any of that bullshit, but because it’s something that I genuinely just want, and whenever I see other people having it I get so jealous because I know I can’t have it. But if it’s true that nobody will ever pick me and I’m unlovable then at least how do I live with that? I don’t want to be miserable anymore. That’s probably why I’m unlovable because I’m so miserable and pathetic, but then again me not being wanted is the reason I’m so miserable and pathetic. It’s like an oroborous of self hatred. I wish I was just fucking normal so I could be loved by someone.
So I played the game for the first time last night and when I came back today and reopened my save file, 2 of my lines were deleted. The tracks and stations are still there but now I have to redraw those 2 lines. Whats going on here?
I hate myself again, idk why. I was so happy until recently, just last week I thought i was the coolest and hottest person and now whenever I open my camera app I feel like throwing up. My face is stupid I’m annoying and I have the worst hair ever. Why can’t I just fix my fucking issues what’s wrong with me. I’m a terrible miserable fucking person and I don’t know how anyone puts up with me. I don’t think I even deserve love anymore.
I hate my hair so much, I do the same thing every time I take a shower (2-3 times a week), I put shampoo and conditioner in it and let it air dry and I get different results every time (mostly bad like the first pic), I just want it to look like the 2nd and 3rd pics all the time. What’s wrong with my hair? What am I doing wrong?
So far Ive been listening to Yes, Camel, U.K., Chris Squire (Fish out of water), Ambrosia, and King Crimson and I want to know what are some other bands I should check out.
For context Im going into my Grade 12 year of highschool (Senior year I guess) and Ive already taken Precalculus 12 Twice (Once in Grade 11 and again last month as a summer class to improve my mark). Im taking AP Calc AB starting in September when school starts and I dont feel very well prepared for it. Ive done some research into derivatives and integrals (Just the power rule really) but Im not sure I have a good enough foundation for Calc. How can I be better prepared for it?
Lol I know this is a dumb question but I’ve seen a lot of memes lately about the toll of engineering on students and is it really that bad? I’m gonna do electrical engineering either way there’s no way I’m changing my mind but is it that miserable or is everyone just being dramatic?