

Operation Full Package
What if you could write a letter to the politician of your choice — your governor, your senator, Stephen Miller, JD Vance, whoever really grinds your gears — and have it arrive on their desk inside a clear, phallus-shaped plastic clamshell?
The Dildo Distribution Delegation is currently sitting on several thousand of these clamshells in a storage unit, and we are exploring the possibility of putting them to work.
We can't recycle them in any meaningful way. Throwing them out feels wasteful and frankly disrespectful to their shape. They are too weird to donate and too numerous to ignore.
But slide a rolled-up letter inside one and suddenly you have the most attention-grabbing envelope in the history of the United States Postal Service.
No staffer is throwing that away unopened. No intern is tossing it in the "constituent mail we'll get to never" pile. A letter in a dick-shaped clamshell gets read.
We have the inventory, the postage budget is being calculated, and we honestly cannot think of a better use for several hundred empty phallus containers than making sure your words cannot be ignored.
What do you think?