u/Plannet_Depressed

I managed to make tomato garlic pasta with some quarn but I'm just poking at it

I'm trying to eat
I am

It's just
Difficult

Recently went through some changes in my personal life stuff and It's another thing that's affecting my eating

I wish it wasn't so hard but today seems like a bad day for food
Hopefully tomorrow will be better

It's better than the years of chewing gum and monster energy.. at least I'm trying to cope with meals

I feel like it's a positive post because I'm actively trying to be better even though it's difficult

Me [25M] and my partner? [25NB] ex? flatmate realized a few days ago that for the *last few years we were just floating around a shell of what our relationship once was

We decided to essentially restart pause anniversaries undo labels ect no pressure and try to naturally see if we can fall in love again

*Due to financial issues with uni we had to move in to my [then fiance's] flatmate's abusive parents house from year 1.5 [end of year 2 of uni] to year 5.5 of our relationship and now at year 6.5 we realised that living there made us loose sight of what we were to eachother because we both just wanted so much to get out of there [we've been out of that toxic environment for around a year now]

We feel like it's the right step to make because we both miss what we had in uni

But we didn't realize that the house [of our relationship] was burning down around us while we were blind to it and now it's just ashes

We're hoping that together we [the relationship] can become the phoenix from the flames / ashes

TLDR

Our relationship crumbled to ash while we were living in a toxic environment.. we hope it's possible to get back what we once had

I find holding my head up hurts my neck pretty easily

Most of what I do i just plug a screen by my bed and lay down and watch YouTube [I do wanna be able to be at my desk more tho]

At my desk is my streaming stuff and a nicer display to watch more YouTube

But I find sitting at my desk super hard to do

I have a gaming chair with a pillow and blanket and a pull out foot thing but i find myself leaning forward a lot and therefore hurting my neck

Any ideas appreciated

Note

While I do have a mouse and keyboard I tend to use a controller to navigate my PC [if you're interested in doing that too ReWASD [paid] / AntiMacroX [free] I'm not aphiliated it's just what I use across different devices]

Me and my partner? ex? flatmate realized a few days ago that for the *last few years we were just floating around a shell of what our relationship once was

We decided to essentially restart pause anniversaries undo labels ect no pressure and try to naturally see if we can fall in love again

*Due to financial issues with uni we had to move in to my [then fiance's] flatmate's abusive parents house from year 1.5 [end of year 2 of uni] to year 5.5 of our relationship and now at year 6.5 we realised that living there made us loose sight of what we were to eachother because we both just wanted so much to get out of there [we've been out of that toxic environment for around a year now]

We feel like it's the right step to make because we both miss what we had in uni

But we didn't realize that the house [of our relationship] was burning down around us while we were blind to it and now it's just ashes

We're hoping that together we [the relationship] can become the phoenix from the flames / ashes

Anyone had success in essentially restarting / rebuilding their relationship?

Migraines put me not able to use my eyes and ears a lot of the time unfortunately they make me really dizzy too

Chronic pain puts me in bed a lot too

When I can I watch YouTube or play DS games / Handheld PC games

I do occasionally draw or make stuff too

Without structure I get bored quite easily because I've got nothing I need to do but with structure I often can't meet a schedule because I'm too ill so It just makes me stressed

Any ideas for things I could do?

I'm stuck inside a lot because of my issues and pain so I'd appreciate no "go outside" type activities because I know they can't happen

1
I don't know how to relax

2
The Estate Agents sent an email yesterday about rent arrears

It's a weird amount and we've called AND emailed
No callback or email response yet
But the email says we have to confirm payment "within 24 hours" first I wanted to know where the sum came from though because we've payed every rent on time including the first ever one that was extra payment

ADHD and anhedonia [depression's "meh" "don't wanna" feeling] make a great team

"great team"
^ Sarcasm

We [both 25+] have one of our Gameboys by the toilet roll so we can progress through Pokémon when it's "shit time"

The only rule is that no one is allowed to say if they've played or what they've done last time they played

It's kinda chaotic lmao

I was in a store the other day

Me "do you have any blankets?"

Employee "no" pause "we might have throws though"

Proceeds to show me a nice dark coloured slightly textured item that feels really nice and I'm using to add more comfort and colour to my bed

I have some "throws" and "throw blankets" as well as "blankets".. they seem to be mostly the same thing if I'm honest

All comfy and cosy nice soft items.. so.. is there actually a difference?

I used it to slow down the flashing for low battery so the flashing doesn't give me a migraine

I'm wondering if I can also use it [or a similar application from Universal Updater or Github] to change the default blue "on" LED light to a different colour? [not the LED just above the X button but the LED that's by the base of your hand]

Original 3DS

I know if you open the Battery Mark Test you can see the %

But I'm wondering if there's a way to see the % on the homesecreen instead of having to use the 100/75/50/25 battery markers as an estimate

Just different eeEEeeeeEs n stuff in my ears
Its really anoying
Is it because im hard of hearing?

BeeeEeeeeEEEEeeeeep

Both ears get it but one side has it a lot worse
It's like ALL the time but its super loud when a room is quiet

TDLR

Rant about my feelings and then I ask about games that I can learn and become efficient in like Tetris or I also liked games Last Command and Just Shapes and Beats

---

If I look into the anxiety and let it consume me for a minute of focus

1 scared of loosing puppy
> I moved for uni he had to stay with parents but they kicked him out.. I managed to get him back eventually tho.. good puppy.. love puppy

2 scared I'll wake up alone
> Waking up to people needing the hospital BADLY or walking up to a random call about a death isn't nice [yeah we talked about it and have gone over it in therapy]

3 scared I'm not good enough
> I'm too damaged meaning that they want to walk away and I'm full of trauma and problems so just like others they'll get tied of me eventually.. [I'm scared they'll walk away.. I'm scared puppy and my fiance will leave me]

It's kinda funny
I've become so good at Tetris that my brain thinks about trauma stuff while playing

Any puzzle games like Tetris you know of that I can learn?
Or games like Last Command or Just Shapes and Beats

2024 acceptance letter human [Thanks CAMHS for not doing the referal you said you'd do in 2019.. found out in '24]....

We've made it the first steps
Next step takes fuckin ages tho