u/MutedFeeling75

Any advice on what to do?

My partner won’t return my stuff, won’t give them to someone else, and won’t meet me.

It’s not for malicious reasons and they’re always apologizing for it and the delay but im just really confused.

Should I just say I’m coming over to pick up my stuff and maybe having a talk?

They broke up for me after a fight and when I asked why we broke up they couldn’t find a reason other than “we’re incompatible” (im a good partner but we did fight a light due to their very odd and inconsistent and strange behavior). They couldn’t even meet up with me in person to break up and went ghost on me for an entire month even though we dated for 2 years before dumping me.

I initially offered to meet them and get my things, said nope, that’s “too much”

I offered to have a friend meet them

They said nope

They said I should go meet their friend and get my stuff from them

I sent over my friend and they said “sorry I’m so busy right now I didn’t get around to it”

Then kept apologizing for keepin my stuff

It’s been months and I still don’t understand what this mean. Does this mean they want to get back together and they’re just deactivated and confused? How long does this need?

It mimics our relationship where I’m trying to solve issues or communicate and I’m just getting confusing ass behavior that I’m trying to figure out and understand

Meanwhile I’ve sent several texts offering an olive branch, saying all is forgiven and we can just met and chat, I got ignored

Is this because they want to get back together? Is forcing the meet or just asking them to give stuff to a friend better? I just don’t understand what any of this really means. Does this means they like me and want a keep an option to talk face to face?

Like doing something truly unique and different and going to uncharted places?

I'm trying to travel somewhere kinda comfy? Cozy? Relaxing and sociable? Does such a place exist?

I’m looking for good kind people that are easy to talk to, chill vibes, friendly interaction, the ability to meet people organically. I want to go somewhere non stressful and friendly.

Where have you stayed that was restful and restorative?

I'm trying to travel somewhere relaxing, I’m looking for good kind people, chill vibes, friendly interaction, the ability to meet people organically. I want to go somewhere non stressful and friendly. Nature helps as well.

I’ve been dealing with mental health issues, depression, and heartbreak and I’m hoping for something to relieve this and be a little change of pace.

I'm curious where have you stayed the was restful and restorative. What made it so?

Meanwhile your expectation of them were exactly the same as theirs yet whenever you asked any reasonable assurances they would flip the table on you and hit you with these things until I no longer asked or expected anything from her!

Or did they never really care about them at all?

It’s so bleak fam

The worst is if you ask for advice or bring up a problem. They send you some ChatGPT written reply.

I’m looking for advice from people who have struggled with anxious attachment, codependency, people pleasing, abandonment wounds, or emotional dysregulation. I have ADHD and high rejection sensitivity and low self esteem

If you’re someone who gets sad for a couple of months after a breakup and then naturally moves on, I’m genuinely happy for you. I don’t think we’re having the same experience. I’m hoping to hear from people whose entire identity seems to collapse after someone leaves.

Whenever I’ve been dumped, I don’t just think, \*“This relationship didn’t work.”\* I immediately think, \*“Something is fundamentally wrong with me.”\*
The breakup becomes evidence that I’m somehow defective.

I end up believing that the person with more options has all the power. In modern dating, it often feels like women have an easier time finding another partner, which leaves me feeling incredibly replaceable. My brain turns it into, “If she left, then I must not have been valuable enough to keep.”

I know that’s an emotional conclusion, not necessarily a rational one, yet it feels completely real.

After one breakup, you can tell yourself it just wasn’t the right fit. After several relationships end the same way, it’s hard to stop asking whether the common denominator is you.

I also know I bring my own issues into relationships.
I’m a people pleaser. I’m anxiously attached. I’m probably codependent. I tend to end up with people who have their own struggles, and I become the caretaker. I stay loyal long after the relationship has become unhealthy because I feel responsible for making it work. I tolerate treatment that I would never recommend to someone else because deep down I don’t believe I deserve much better.

When someone leaves, it’s like every insecurity I’ve ever had gets confirmed all at once.

I’ve spent days crying, spiraling, checking social media even though I know it’ll hurt me, promising myself I’ll stop, then checking again anyway. I’ve written probably ten different texts to my ex and never sent them. I’ve tried leaving the door open for her to reach out someday, and she ignores it every time.

That hurts in a way I can’t really describe.
Part of what makes this so painful is that I poured so much of myself into the relationship. I sacrificed so much trying to make it work. Now I feel like none of it mattered. I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel appreciated. I honestly feel like I abandoned myself for someone who ultimately walked away anyway.

I’ve tried talking to friends. I’ve talked to my therapist. I’m taking medication. I’ve talked with my family. I keep cycling through sadness, longing, regret, bargaining, guilt, loneliness, hope, despair, and then back to sadness again.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. Work is falling apart.

The hardest part is the self-hatred.
I feel this overwhelming urge to punish myself because I somehow believe I failed. Logically, I know I wasn’t a bad partner. I never cheated. I never betrayed her trust. She never even told me I was a terrible boyfriend.

Yet emotionally I carry this crushing sense of guilt and disappointment. I feel like I failed.

It’s like my mind refuses to accept that I can do everything I know how to do, genuinely love someone, put in enormous effort, and still lose the relationship.

Deep down, I think I have a core wound.
I desperately want to be chosen. I want someone to see me, understand me, value me, and love the richness of who I am. When someone leaves, it feels like proof that I’m fundamentally unworthy of that kind of love.

For those of you who used to experience breakups like this and eventually got better:
What actually changed?
Was it therapy? Medication? A particular realization? Learning healthier attachment? Building a life outside your relationship? Time? Something else?
I’m looking for stories from people who genuinely used to feel this level of desperation and eventually found a way out, because right now it feels impossible to imagine ever responding to heartbreak in a healthy way.

I’m looking for advice from people who have struggled with anxious attachment, codependency, people pleasing, abandonment wounds, or emotional dysregulation. I have ADHD and high rejection sensitivity and low self esteem

If you’re someone who gets sad for a couple of months after a breakup and then naturally moves on, I’m genuinely happy for you. I don’t think we’re having the same experience. I’m hoping to hear from people whose entire identity seems to collapse after someone leaves.

Whenever I’ve been dumped, I don’t just think, *“This relationship didn’t work.”* I immediately think, *“Something is fundamentally wrong with me.”*
The breakup becomes evidence that I’m somehow defective.

I end up believing that the person with more options has all the power. In modern dating, it often feels like women have an easier time finding another partner, which leaves me feeling incredibly replaceable. My brain turns it into, “If she left, then I must not have been valuable enough to keep.”

I know that’s an emotional conclusion, not necessarily a rational one, yet it feels completely real.

After one breakup, you can tell yourself it just wasn’t the right fit. After several relationships end the same way, it’s hard to stop asking whether the common denominator is you.

I also know I bring my own issues into relationships.
I’m a people pleaser. I’m anxiously attached. I’m probably codependent. I tend to end up with people who have their own struggles, and I become the caretaker. I stay loyal long after the relationship has become unhealthy because I feel responsible for making it work. I tolerate treatment that I would never recommend to someone else because deep down I don’t believe I deserve much better.

When someone leaves, it’s like every insecurity I’ve ever had gets confirmed all at once.

I’ve spent days crying, spiraling, checking social media even though I know it’ll hurt me, promising myself I’ll stop, then checking again anyway. I’ve written probably ten different texts to my ex and never sent them. I’ve tried leaving the door open for her to reach out someday, and she ignores it every time.

That hurts in a way I can’t really describe.
Part of what makes this so painful is that I poured so much of myself into the relationship. I sacrificed so much trying to make it work. Now I feel like none of it mattered. I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel appreciated. I honestly feel like I abandoned myself for someone who ultimately walked away anyway.

I’ve tried talking to friends. I’ve talked to my therapist. I’m taking medication. I’ve talked with my family. I keep cycling through sadness, longing, regret, bargaining, guilt, loneliness, hope, despair, and then back to sadness again.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. Work is falling apart.

The hardest part is the self-hatred.
I feel this overwhelming urge to punish myself because I somehow believe I failed. Logically, I know I wasn’t a bad partner. I never cheated. I never betrayed her trust. She never even told me I was a terrible boyfriend.

Yet emotionally I carry this crushing sense of guilt and disappointment. I feel like I failed.

It’s like my mind refuses to accept that I can do everything I know how to do, genuinely love someone, put in enormous effort, and still lose the relationship.

Deep down, I think I have a core wound.
I desperately want to be chosen. I want someone to see me, understand me, value me, and love the richness of who I am. When someone leaves, it feels like proof that I’m fundamentally unworthy of that kind of love.

For those of you who used to experience breakups like this and eventually got better:
What actually changed?
Was it therapy? Medication? A particular realization? Learning healthier attachment? Building a life outside your relationship? Time? Something else?
I’m looking for stories from people who genuinely used to feel this level of desperation and eventually found a way out, because right now it feels impossible to imagine ever responding to heartbreak in a healthy way.

I’m looking for advice from people who have struggled with anxious attachment, codependency, people pleasing, abandonment wounds, or emotional dysregulation. I have ADHD and high rejection sensitivity and low self esteem

If you’re someone who gets sad for a couple of months after a breakup and then naturally moves on, I’m genuinely happy for you. I don’t think we’re having the same experience. I’m hoping to hear from people whose entire identity seems to collapse after someone leaves.

Whenever I’ve been dumped, I don’t just think, “This relationship didn’t work.” I immediately think, “Something is fundamentally wrong with me.”
The breakup becomes evidence that I’m somehow defective.

I end up believing that the person with more options has all the power. In modern dating, it often feels like women have an easier time finding another partner, which leaves me feeling incredibly replaceable. My brain turns it into, “If she left, then I must not have been valuable enough to keep.”

I know that’s an emotional conclusion, not necessarily a rational one, yet it feels completely real.

After one breakup, you can tell yourself it just wasn’t the right fit. After several relationships end the same way, it’s hard to stop asking whether the common denominator is you.

I also know I bring my own issues into relationships.
I’m a people pleaser. I’m anxiously attached. I’m probably codependent. I tend to end up with people who have their own struggles, and I become the caretaker. I stay loyal long after the relationship has become unhealthy because I feel responsible for making it work. I tolerate treatment that I would never recommend to someone else because deep down I don’t believe I deserve much better.

When someone leaves, it’s like every insecurity I’ve ever had gets confirmed all at once.

I’ve spent days crying, spiraling, checking social media even though I know it’ll hurt me, promising myself I’ll stop, then checking again anyway. I’ve written probably ten different texts to my ex and never sent them. I’ve tried leaving the door open for her to reach out someday, and she ignores it every time.

That hurts in a way I can’t really describe.
Part of what makes this so painful is that I poured so much of myself into the relationship. I sacrificed so much trying to make it work. Now I feel like none of it mattered. I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel appreciated. I honestly feel like I abandoned myself for someone who ultimately walked away anyway.

I’ve tried talking to friends. I’ve talked to my therapist. I’m taking medication. I’ve talked with my family. I keep cycling through sadness, longing, regret, bargaining, guilt, loneliness, hope, despair, and then back to sadness again.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. Work is falling apart.

The hardest part is the self-hatred.
I feel this overwhelming urge to punish myself because I somehow believe I failed. Logically, I know I wasn’t a bad partner. I never cheated. I never betrayed her trust. She never even told me I was a terrible boyfriend.

Yet emotionally I carry this crushing sense of guilt and disappointment. I feel like I failed.

It’s like my mind refuses to accept that I can do everything I know how to do, genuinely love someone, put in enormous effort, and still lose the relationship.

Deep down, I think I have a core wound.
I desperately want to be chosen. I want someone to see me, understand me, value me, and love the richness of who I am. When someone leaves, it feels like proof that I’m fundamentally unworthy of that kind of love.

For those of you who used to experience breakups like this and eventually got better:
What actually changed?
Was it therapy? Medication? A particular realization? Learning healthier attachment? Building a life outside your relationship? Time? Something else?
I’m looking for stories from people who genuinely used to feel this level of desperation and eventually found a way out, because right now it feels impossible to imagine ever responding to heartbreak in a healthy way.

I’m curious to hear from lawyers with ADHD, especially those who deal with executive dysfunction and depression alongside it.
What was your experience like in law school, and how has it been in BigLaw?

How much does ADHD affect your day to day work? Have you met or worked with ADHD lawyers who eventually made partner?

I’m especially interested in practical strategies for managing the job itself. How do you stay on top of deadlines, emails, billable work, and the constant stream of competing priorities? What changed between your first year and where you are now?
Were there situations where ADHD actually became an advantage? Maybe in litigation, client work, crisis situations, creativity, or seeing connections that other people missed?

I’d really appreciate hearing both success stories and honest struggles. I’m trying to get a realistic picture of what this career looks like with ADHD.

I’m in my 30s, and somewhere along the way I realized I’ve lost faith in the whole thing. It just doesn’t feel like a good deal for me. The financial pressure and burden and responsibilities just feel intense.

I’ve been in a few serious relationships, enough to know what it’s like. I recognize there is bias coloring my life experience here but more often than not it has been a net negative on my life, likely due to my own poor partner choices or lack of ability to woo quality partners. the last one really feels like final straw for me. I just can’t do this anymore, being in relationships where I’ve invested significantly into my time, emotions, money, and many other things and in the end the woman just moves on immediately like nothing happens and I’m left tryin to build myself back up, every one of them left me completely broken. Months of depression. Rebuilding my life from scratch. I think to be a good boyfriend you’re expected to do a lot of things, just a lot of emotional, financial, and physical support, it feels like a thankless job at times.

Learning how to exist without someone who had become part of my everyday life. Eventually you recover, tell yourself love is worth another chance, and then the cycle starts over again.

After enough of that, relationships stopped feeling exciting and started feeling like something I was simply waiting to lose.

I’m wired for monogamy. I like commitment. I like building a life with one person. I like stability. At the same time, I feel surrounded by a dating culture that rewards the opposite. It often feels like commitment has become optional, loyalty is conditional, and there’s always another person waiting a swipe away.
Maybe that’s unfair, yet it’s become difficult to shake the feeling.

you never really know another person’s heart. You can trust someone for years, and one decision can change everything. Every story of infidelity starts with two people who probably believed it would never happen to them. Every divorce started as a relationship that people expected to last. Once you’ve experienced enough heartbreak and watched enough marriages fall apart around you, trust starts feeling less like confidence and more like hope.

As I’ve gotten older, relationships have also started feeling like a bad deal for me. The expectation is that you’re dependable, emotionally steady, financially responsible, protective, committed, and willing to shoulder a huge amount of responsibility. Yet at the same time the very same partner who has these expectations of you has had their fun with someone with zero of these expectations placed on them. Why should I become a quality man that meets the arbitrary standard when my only reward is only more effort?

plenty of men seem perfectly content drifting from one casual relationship to the next, enjoying the excitement and intimacy without carrying any of those long-term obligations that I’ve often had to take on. It does make me envious of those men. It makes me ask. Why should I invest in someone who was seeking those things from someone that isn’t me?

Sometimes it feels like the people who invest the most also have the most to lose.

Some people seem naturally inclined toward long-term investment in one partner, while others seem content chasing novelty with very little attachment. I often feel like I’m built for the first approach while living in a culture that increasingly rewards the second and it has made me feel jaded and sad. Perhaps all the ideals about love, relationship, monogamy were always imaginary. I continually read how couples in relationships lose their satisfaction and desire with each other over time. From fights, to power struggles, to toxic relationships, to infidelity, it just all seems bad all together. As someone in this thread said, “What I've noticed in my social circles is that a good chunk of the marriages are just means to convenience - mostly just cautionary tales of couples turned roommates, dead bedrooms, and all flavours of estrangement.”

At the same time I have no interest in something like polyamory. And something about casual sex with tons of random people gives me visceral disgust. At the moment I’ve just chosen to stay celibate yet it’s very lonely and sad and isolating and I want to live and experience yet I feel so alone.

Has anyone else reached this point? If your perspective changed over time, what caused it?

I’m in my 30s, and somewhere along the way I realized I’ve lost faith in the whole thing. It just doesn’t feel like a good deal for me. The financial pressure and burden and responsibilities just feel intense.

I’ve been in a few serious relationships, where I’ve invested significantly into my time, emotions, money, and many other things and in the end the woman just moves on immediately like nothing happens and I’m left tryin to build myself back up, every one of them left me completely broken. Months of depression. Rebuilding my life from scratch.

Learning how to exist without someone who had become part of my everyday life. Eventually you recover, tell yourself love is worth another chance, and then the cycle starts over again.

After enough of that, relationships stopped feeling exciting and started feeling like something I was simply waiting to lose.

I’m wired for monogamy. I like commitment. I like building a life with one person. I like stability. At the same time, I feel surrounded by a dating culture that rewards the opposite. It often feels like commitment has become optional, loyalty is conditional, and there’s always another person waiting a swipe away.
Maybe that’s unfair, yet it’s become difficult to shake the feeling.

you never really know another person’s heart. You can trust someone for years, and one decision can change everything. Every story of infidelity starts with two people who probably believed it would never happen to them. Every divorce started as a relationship that people expected to last. Once you’ve experienced enough heartbreak and watched enough marriages fall apart around you, trust starts feeling less like confidence and more like hope.

As I’ve gotten older, relationships have also started feeling like a bad deal for me. The expectation is that you’re dependable, emotionally steady, financially responsible, protective, committed, and willing to shoulder a huge amount of responsibility. Yet at the same time the very same partner who has these expectations of you has had their fun with someone with zero of these expectations placed on them. Why should I become a quality man that meets the arbitrary standard when my only reward is only more effort?

plenty of men seem perfectly content drifting from one casual relationship to the next, enjoying the excitement and intimacy without carrying any of those long-term obligations that I’ve often had to take on. It does make me envious of those men. It makes me ask. Why should I invest in someone who was seeking those things from someone that isn’t me?

Sometimes it feels like the people who invest the most also have the most to lose.

Some people seem naturally inclined toward long-term investment in one partner, while others seem content chasing novelty with very little attachment. I often feel like I’m built for the first approach while living in a culture that increasingly rewards the second and it has made me feel jaded and sad. Perhaps all the ideals about love, relationship, monogamy were always imaginary. I continually read how couples in relationships lose their satisfaction and desire with each other over time. At the same time I have no interest in something like polyamory. At the moment I’ve just chosen to stay celibate yet it’s very lonely and sad.

Has anyone else reached this point? If your perspective changed over time, what caused it?

I’m in my 30s, and somewhere along the way I realized I’ve lost faith in the whole thing. It just doesn’t feel like a good deal for me. The financial pressure and burden and responsibilities just feel intense.

I’ve been in a few serious relationships, enough to know what it’s like. I recognize there is bias coloring my life experience here but more often than not it has been a net negative on my life, likely due to my own poor partner choices or lack of ability to woo quality partners. the last one really feels like final straw for me. I just can’t do this anymore, being in relationships where I’ve invested significantly into my time, emotions, money, and many other things and in the end the woman just moves on immediately like nothing happens and I’m left tryin to build myself back up, every one of them left me completely broken. Months of depression. Rebuilding my life from scratch. I think to be a good boyfriend you’re expected to do a lot of things, just a lot of emotional, financial, and physical support, it feels like a thankless job at times.

Learning how to exist without someone who had become part of my everyday life. Eventually you recover, tell yourself love is worth another chance, and then the cycle starts over again.

After enough of that, relationships stopped feeling exciting and started feeling like something I was simply waiting to lose.

I’m wired for monogamy. I like commitment. I like building a life with one person. I like stability. At the same time, I feel surrounded by a dating culture that rewards the opposite. It often feels like commitment has become optional, loyalty is conditional, and there’s always another person waiting a swipe away.
Maybe that’s unfair, yet it’s become difficult to shake the feeling.

you never really know another person’s heart. You can trust someone for years, and one decision can change everything. Every story of infidelity starts with two people who probably believed it would never happen to them. Every divorce started as a relationship that people expected to last. Once you’ve experienced enough heartbreak and watched enough marriages fall apart around you, trust starts feeling less like confidence and more like hope.

As I’ve gotten older, relationships have also started feeling like a bad deal for me. The expectation is that you’re dependable, emotionally steady, financially responsible, protective, committed, and willing to shoulder a huge amount of responsibility. Yet at the same time the very same partner who has these expectations of you has had their fun with someone with zero of these expectations placed on them. Why should I become a quality man that meets the arbitrary standard when my only reward is only more effort?

plenty of men seem perfectly content drifting from one casual relationship to the next, enjoying the excitement and intimacy without carrying any of those long-term obligations that I’ve often had to take on. It does make me envious of those men. It makes me ask. Why should I invest in someone who was seeking those things from someone that isn’t me?

Sometimes it feels like the people who invest the most also have the most to lose.

Some people seem naturally inclined toward long-term investment in one partner, while others seem content chasing novelty with very little attachment. I often feel like I’m built for the first approach while living in a culture that increasingly rewards the second and it has made me feel jaded and sad. Perhaps all the ideals about love, relationship, monogamy were always imaginary. I continually read how couples in relationships lose their satisfaction and desire with each other over time. At the same time I have no interest in something like polyamory. At the moment I’ve just chosen to stay celibate yet it’s very lonely and sad.

Has anyone else reached this point? If your perspective changed over time, what caused it?

I rarely hear stories about experiences with dating avoidant style attachment women here

Anyone know who the artist is

He drew a lot of stuff with french frilly dressed and women and such but the art itself was a lot more sexualized and had nudity and such

I don’t have any images so I can’t post it on what is this painting? All I have is a description anyone can point me in the right direction not even asking and googling AI worked.

For those of you who are genuinely wealthy, what path actually got you there?

I’m curious about the career, business, investment, or opportunity that made the biggest difference.

I’m already financially literate and have the personal finance basics covered (401(k), index investing, budgeting, etc.). I’m looking for the stories behind building significant wealth, not general personal finance advice.

What did you do, and what do you think made it work?