u/wynwilder

I've struggled my whole life with maintaining and finding friendship and am now accepting that if I want to go do things and leave the house, I'm going to have to do it alone.

Which isn't that hard if I'm being honest (though still a bummer). I'm comfortable doing things alone, but the problem I keep running into is how to motivate myself to actually leave the house to do those things.

I can make a plan, buy a ticket to a show, say I'll do it, etc. but when the time comes I opt to enjoy the comforts of home which then makes me feel isolated and sad.

Anyone have any tricks or methods they use that have helped them with this?

I've struggled my whole life with maintaining and finding friendship and am now accepting that if I want to go do things and leave the house, I'm going to have to do it alone.

Which isn't that hard if I'm being honest (though still a bummer). I'm comfortable doing things alone, but the problem I keep running into is how to motivate myself to actually leave the house to do those things.

I can make a plan, buy a ticket to a show, say I'll do it, etc. but when the time comes I opt to enjoy the comforts of home which then makes me feel isolated and sad.

Anyone have any tricks or methods they use that have helped them with this?

40m here and spouse to a 40f. She's currently having an extremely hard time with both ADHD and PMDD and I'm trying to figure out ways I can help her. She says she's never felt more taken care of and I'm understanding that I have significantly more capacity for day to day things (housework, bill payments, etc.), but we've discussed that partners are there to offer support, not solutions, and 'trying to fix' everything often feels like you're spotlighting or trying to erase the issue.

And I don't disagree with that, I'm just at a loss of what I can do other than be supportive, which doesn't seem to be helping. We have a big doom room, which she's said make's her feel bad every day. I can help organize, but I'll need to body double while she cleans it, but her capacity and energy for that is really low.

She has a hard time feeding herself, and while I'm not a great cook, I do make myself dinner every night, but what I make never sounds good to her, so she doesn't end up eating.

She also spends hours on her phone, but also talks about feeling anxious, overwhelmed, etc. which I know plays a lot into that.

So, I'm just trying to think of ideas on how to help without nagging or advice.

Hey all, just looking for thoughts on this weekly routine. I've been having a lot of chronic muscle tightness and my PT recommended kettlebell training (over only isolated strength exercises) & pilates, so I'm trying to incorporate those in.

I'm also 40, have always been pretty skinny and would like to add some muscle weight, so I have some cardio in here, but not a ton.

3 Days a week:

• 15-20min Pilates
• 45min Kettlebell Routine

1 Day a week:

• At the gym Full Body for things the kettlebells don't hit, ie. Bench Press, Pull-Ups, some leg work

3-4 Days a week:

• 20min Stationary Bike or Running

Mixing in morning & night Mobility or Yoga

I've struggled my whole life with maintaining and finding friendship and am now accepting that if I want to go do things and leave the house, I'm going to have to do it alone.

Which isn't that hard if I'm being honest (though still a bummer). I'm comfortable doing things alone, but the problem I keep running into is how to motivate myself to actually leave the house to do those things.

I can make a plan, buy a ticket to a show, say I'll do it, etc. but when the time comes I opt to enjoy the comforts of home which then makes me feel isolated and sad.

Anyone have any tricks or methods they use that have helped them with this?

I don't know why, but Discoteque perfumes are the only fragrances I've found that actually last on my skin and I'm trying to figure out why that brand specifically. I've tried multiple others that people recommend and have a reputation for longevity, but they end up disappearing after a couple hours.

Terres D'Hermes, Boy Smells, Habit Rouge, Black Afgano, Sauvage, they all smell decent, but are gone quickly. Not event skin scent or on my clothes, just completely no smell.

I'm a musician and while I'm not looking to "make it" or get famous, I do want people to listen to my songs. I'm good at coming up with ideas - for videos, the whole aesthetic I want, etc. but when it comes to actually making the 'content' I immediately think, whats the point?

In the past I've stuck to a posting schedule, made videos based on current trends, done the whole social media thing and it doesn't ever seem to translate to anything substantial (getting listens, getting gigs).

So my question is, how do you reframe making content for social media to feel less like self promotion and more like you're sharing your art with the world?

(also, this is less 'I need advice' and more a discussion)

I'm a musician and while I'm not looking to "make it" or get famous, I do want people to listen to my songs. I'm good at coming up with ideas - for videos, the whole aesthetic I want, etc. but when it comes to actually making the 'content' I immediately think, whats the point?

In the past I've stuck to a posting schedule, made videos based on current trends, done the whole social media thing and it doesn't ever seem to translate to anything substantial (getting listens, getting gigs).

So my question is, how do you reframe making content for social media to feel less like self promotion and more like you're sharing your art with the world?

(also, this is less 'I need advice' and more a discussion)

I woke up earlier this week to a $715(!) pending charge to Ticketmaster that was not mine. Immediately cancelled my debit card and contacted Chime.

Spoke with a representative, then to a supervisor and was told I needed to wait up to 90 DAYS to get a refund, then the supervisor hung up on me, saying "there's nothing else I can do." *click*

Are you serious?!

Called in today about my dispute and was told because I don't have "photographic evidence" of the fraudulent charge my dispute has been denied?? I asked evidence of what, someone stole my information and made a purchase and I woke up to a fraudulent pending charge.

The person said "do you have evidence of your being at home in bed, like home camera or surveillance footage"? Not even kidding.

This is a ton of money for me, my rent, my groceries, my stability. And Chime is denying me a return, please help.

I woke up earlier this week to a $715(!) pending charge to Ticketmaster that was not mine. Immediately cancelled my debit card and contacted Chime.

Spoke with a representative, then to a supervisor and was told I needed to wait up to 90 DAYS to get a refund, then the supervisor hung up on me, saying "there's nothing else I can do." *click*

Are you serious?!

Called in today about my dispute and was told because I don't have "photographic evidence" of the fraudulent charge my dispute has been denied?? I asked evidence of what, someone stole my information and made a purchase and I woke up to a fraudulent pending charge.

The person said "do you have evidence of your being at home in bed, like home camera or surveillance footage"? Not even kidding.

This is a ton of money for me, my rent, my groceries, my stability. And Chime is denying me a return, please help.

I feel like its necessary to stay informed of what going on in the world and your country. However, I don't know how to get into politics. When I look at news websites (NPR, CNN, etc.) it's just a mess of information, and links to articles, and I don't know how to navigate it. Do I click on the top one? The most recent? I try to listen to podcasts that offer daily briefs, but often find myself tuning out or confused about the relevance of anything that's being said.

Another issue I run into is, what am I doing with this information? Is staying informed and being politically savvy just inputting the information and saying 'ok now I know about that thing"? If none of it is interesting to you why stay informed at all?

I'm an INFJ and saw this recently:

INFJ Common Strengths (when healthy): conceptual, single-minded, long term planners, idealistic, cautious and warm

INFJ Common Weaknesses (when imbalanced): overly vague/unspecific, sensitive, inefficient, emotionally manipulative, disconnected from reality, closed off to spontaneity and adventure

I'm feeling very on the imbalanced side of things at the moment; disconnected, closed off, low energy, just generally burnout.

Any other INFJ's dealt with this or advice on how to get into the healthy / balanced side?

I'm an americana artist looking to record vocals and acoustic guitar. Will probably bring in a few pre-recorded synth stems as well. I'm trying to find someone / someplace that caters to this and hopefully can charge less than $150-200 per song. Any recs would be appreciated, thanks!

INFJ musician here and currently trying to figure out what functions to focus on to develop my progress with music.

The issue I'm facing right now is motivation. I've been playing music for awhile, trying to get gigs, going to open mics, trying to meet other musicians and basically getting nowhere.

I love songwriting and performing, but self-promotion on social media or in looking for shows, networking with other musicians in the hopes of being a part of the community and consistent socializing in big crowds is just burning me out.

However, I know all these things would make me happy. Performing, having community, getting a response from my art, I just don't know how to re-frame the icky aspects I don't like to make me want to do them?

In trying to figure out myself and being an INFJ when it comes to making connections with others, and I've found 2 things:

1.) I haven't had a lot of close friends for as long as I can remember. I have friends and plenty of acquaintances, but most of the time I feel a wall that doesn't allow a deeper connection. So with most of my relationships it's like, yes we're friends, but there's something I can't put my finger on that's getting in the way?

2.) When talking to people, could be friends or just casual small talk, I often can be very friendly and lively, but slowly the social energy gets lower and lower and I run out of things to talk about. Which makes me start to analyze the conversation like I'm on the outside of and it feels up to me to keep it going?

Just seeing if anyone else experienced connections like this.

I have chronically tight glutes which causes a lot of lower back discomfort, so I'm looking into an active chair / stool and a standing desk. However, when I've used an active chair that doesn't have armrests in the past my traps get really tight and locked up. Same with my upper back and trying to sit upright. Having that upright posture for more than 30 minutes really stiffens back upper back. Anyone else experience or solve this?

I realized recently that I don't think about the future in terms of end goals that often. I'm a musician and I practice guitar, work on songs and put out music often. I exercise daily; walking, training, etc. I try to eat well, I keep a budget and have a decent job.

However, I feel a consistent WANT for something else and don't know what I'm missing? Or if it's just capitalism / societal pressure that says if you're artist you have to 'make it.' If you have a job you have to always be trying to make more money. You need to get more buff, you need more friends, more adventure.

I'm trying to focus on the things I think are lacking in my life, lack of community for one, and often ask how I can make my situation better, but it's more on a day by day basis.

Anyone else?

I currently take MoonJuice SuperYou everyday and have noticed a big difference in my mood and stress because of it. Unfortunately, with a subscription it's still about $50 a month, which isn't nothing. I've looked at what's in it and purchasing the same ingredients on their own would be about the the same amount of money if not more.

Anyone know of a similar stress relieving supplement that won't break the bank? I've tried L-Theanine on it's own and it hurt my stomach.

In the darkness of a German morning, on a rolling highway, Dennis stretched his young legs.

“Right when your body tells you it’s reached its potential you go and stuff yourself inside a bunk,” he thought rotating again. He felt like giant Alice after eating; huge, skyscraper deluxe, right on.

Amazed at the silence the others slept in, hearing low collisions in the luggage bay and the driver playing Goodman, maybe Miller, on the radio, our Star of the Sixties asked himself how this happened.

Luck. Success is luck, pure and unattended.

In the fifty-fifth year of the 20th century two young men bounced along, both with box guitars stuffed between their knees then got off together. Same exit or maybe one followed the other, they’d never say.

Who’s this twerp”? Dennis asked aloud, “Take your side-eye somewhere else.”

“I can play Perkins,” said the kid.

“Prove it.” shot Dennis.

Like a flash the Kay pounced from its case in orange glory; the color of a sunset from a Delta porch, somewhere southern they'd only read about. The kid finished, beamed like a strobe and held out his hand, “Name’s Syl.”

Syl had a friend called Terry southways down in Fenton and swore he was the best drummer he’d ever seen; neither knew Terry was a two-fer. He came as a package deal with his brother Pete, who was older and respected in certain circles (so he said). Light your own fire the saying went, and others will see it glow.

“Bloody Fenton?!” Dennis spat, “How’s he gonna make gigs? Get to practice regular? That's a lousy twenty miles away.”

But they saw him anyway and good thing they did. Where else would they have found a duo so sharp in a factory town like theirs?

Again, the roaming luck.

Now with a couple tunes in their pocket, maybe one or two originals and the rest by their idols, the gang needed coverage. ‘Any and Every’ was the motto; take the chance when it comes. Birthday parties, potlucks, after-school adult appointed functions were met with an eager “Yes.” Paid in pasta salad or warm soda from a tub full of melting ice.

When you’re young you can’t be choosy from the start, when it’s new all you want is to be together.

Then the deals kept coming and soon it was on to Hamburg, where the words were another language, but the screams sounded the same. Like a wave who's shore was their stage's end, thin swells starting on, but when an Elvis hit came up or they blasted into a Berry tune the roars ran over.

Close space, three shows a day and a healthy diet of young revelry sure puts your wheels in motion. Hard times pay off and you get the praise, broadcast into a million open rooms, TVs tuned to new sound.

Up front, behind the curtain, Pete turned around smiling, “This is it boys, we’re here.”

Cameras rolling, lights bouncing from cymbals like sun on a beach mirror, their nerves were lit. Nervous, but ready, because when you’ve strived for a mark you’ve got a fierce need to meet this thing face to face.

Host of the Midnight Special shot a wink, announced them, and the road to riches awoke, stretching it’s whip with an openness rarely seen in modern times, “Good things coming,” it said, “I’m an endless ride.”

History repeats itself and is bound to continue on a loop unending, what has happened to you has happened to someone else forever and ever. This was a story drawn from the lives of their influence, another passage to be added to the book of Eventual Rivalry; not so much a lesson, but a mutual understanding that ‘these things happen.’

Too much time spent in hotel rooms, too little sleep, more ideas shot down by whoever was deemed The Leader in a publication never read. Just a growing list to urge the tension forward.

So, the facts are a footnote and no one’s to blame.

More than one wife entered the picture; entered the studio in fact, holding court as if to say, “Well he loves me, so you must too,” laying there in a hippie robe like dumb shiva.

Terry went soul. Syl cashed out and sought wisdom in Asia. Pete bought a farm near Woodstock with a dozen acres and a horse he couldn’t take care of; big dust colored palomino stamped with a birthmark shaped like Utah, he always fancied himself a cowboy.

Meanwhile Dennis holds sway over the catalogue and cranks out a record every few years. Not in desperation or boredom, but for the fact that the drive always held him hard, switching again and again from satisfaction to apathy based on his output.

At a mountain's peak all you see is open land, but when you're falling off the side all you want is for it to be over. Money leaves everything a bloody mess and the group saw that now. Knew that lawyers don't care for art unless the subjects a portrait on a green bill.

Festivals roll around and the offer's always on the table, though at this point the lack of money wasn't really an issue.

"Hopefully it won't be a funeral to bring us back", thought Dennis, strumming in a Mayfair flat in August.

He'd be the one, forever ready, waiting for his friends; together like old times, once again from the top, a little faster this time around.

Still strumming Dennis let that sink in.

And with that the next one came singing, "I want it all baby, the fame, the diamonds, a Cadillac in gold. But if the wheels never come, if the light fades away, I'll always have you, my darling, beside me growing old."