u/Careful_Week_4130

Hi,

If you remember my last post that regarded my father and my abusive grandmother then you should know that they are terrible people, while self-aware, have no motivation or inclination to change themselves. I will give some examples:

Dad:

*Always feeling ignored by him.

*Constantly looked down at and being told to 'grow up'.

*Constantly being told to 'do things myself' but when I want to there's all these excuses and 'ohs' (Ohs being the type a mother, father, or a parent says when you suggest something to better yourself ) but they ( he, she, they ) never tries to help you in the simplest ways possible.

*Being threatened to call the actual police on me multiple times for not 'acting normal'.

***Gets mad at me for bringing up anything he does, doesn't do and reminding him of things.

*Acts similar to Grandma when mad.

*Called me, his own daughter, crazy on Christmas eve for some reason.

*Never apologizes to my face or with any remorse, it seems and buys items instead. ( just like my Grandma )

*Crazy and has a history of doing risky things in the past.

Terrible father in general.

*Never wants to change even though he's very much self-aware

*Can't let go of his ex-wife, my verbally abusive mother🤮.

Grandmother/Grandma:

*Complains about the smallest things.

*Constantly belittles, teases, mocks, and makes jokes about you or to your face.

*Talks about you behind her back with siblings and says you have a major 'attitude' problem.

*Screams at you and threatens to do something crazy when she's mad.

*Blames you for everything.

*Heavily religious, tries to make everything in your life or anyone's life to do with something religiously wrong, corrupt,and good.

*Tells you that you're a screwup, a failure, and you deserve to be in an abusive environment to truly feel what "love" is. ( she said that, deadass ).

Tells you to get out of her sight when angry at you and gives you the cold shoulder.

*Hypocrite, major hypocrite.

*Whines about not being able to fix something.

*Wonders why I, her granddaughter, hates her sm.

Thats it.

It's always been like this, first, I thought it was something I was able to control myself but as time progressed it just got uncontrollable. And even though I watch p0rn once every year..It sometimes can extend to 2-3 or more days of me doing it. What will happen afterwards is I grab a eyebrow razor and.. Yeah, you get the rest and.. Yeah. I just feel really disgusted afterwards and talk to myself. "Why do you have to watch this?", "Why can't you be normal?", "Stop watching this, please" but I always, always, always.. Fall back in.