u/Smart_Molasses_2870

So I'm 28 and my boyfriend has BPD traits. He's getting better and he's very stable with me. We have a relationship based on trust. I have a severe case and the girl I have feelings for even more severe. I recently told my bf that I have feelings for her. He suggested to have an open relationship where I can explore my feelings for her. He's not jealous. And he isn't the problem. The problem is this girl.

Our story: we met last year at a mental institution, we were roommates. We got together after a few months and after a while she changed mental institution. Something bad happened at her new mental institution so she told me she doesn't have feelings for anyone. I respected that even if it hurt me like crazy. I started to spiral: self harm, suicide attempts. I felt lost without her. After a while i met my current boyfriend, and he helped me tremendously getting better. On the meantime I still contacted her via text. We weren't consistent but we bever stopped talking. Until last week (withe the approval of my bf) I sent her a letter confessing my feelings for her. She cried. She told me she still liked me and if we met she's gonna kiss me. After that I told her we can be in a relationship. Shes also together with someone and likes me and another guy (she's polyamorous). She just told me her boyfriend doesn't agree in an open relationship so we stay hidden. She's inconsistent with texting and this hurts me. Like she's inconsistent with everything and she hurts me. I'm afraid she's gonna hurt me again. What should i do?

So I have 20 lesions on my brain 🧠 and I'm in treatment with ocrevus zunovo. I have had ms for 6 years, I did suffer from fatigue occasionally. But not on a daily basis. I have mental health issues and I'm having symptoms from that, but it's unrelated to MS. Isn't it strange I dont have any symptoms?

Visto che il mio disturbo borderline di personalità stava peggiorando sempre di più (sono a un livello di funzionamento molto basso), ieri sono persino finita in ospedale e la polizia è venuta a casa mia. Ho deciso che è ora di cambiare. La mia terapeuta mi ha dato una routine da seguire per tenere a bada l'autodistruzione. Stamattina mi sono svegliata e la mia migliore amica è venuta a farmi una sorpresa: siamo andate a prendere un caffè e poi a mangiare sushi. Dopo questo mi sento completamente distrutta mentalmente e fisicamente e non sono pronta a iniziare la mia routine. Ma devo farlo, altrimenti mi sentirò un fallimento. Auguratemi buona fortuna 👍 😌

Edit: Sono andata a fare una passeggiata con il mio cane. Primo compito fatto ✔️

Edit: I did 30 minutes of yoga and drew art for 30 minutes. Done ✔️

Edit: I also studied for 30 minutes and took a shower 🚿. I'm done ✔️

This guide is made by my therapist and I want to share it with the world so everyone can benefit. When you're low functioning, you probably deal with a lot of symptoms. The more space you give to the disorder, the more power takes away from you. You need a strict routine. Assuming you don't have a job, here's a realistic routine that can help us.

- wake up at 8 am. Not too late, not too early

- find something where you meet with other people, a few hours a week (twice a week)

- prepare your own food

- take care of your hygiene every day. One shower per day

- Limit the use of the phone, increase activities like art, reading, writing

- Find your group of people, you dont have to be in a relationship to be happy. It's okay to step away.

- find something you're passionate about (it can be photography, art, reading, music, writing many things actually)

- meet with your therapist and psychiatrist regularly, they're going to help you. If you can't afford that, its fine. Stick to your routine though, its really important.

I'm gonna do it tonight. Reasons? My therapist mainly. Yesterday after seeing him I've spiraled. I felt so bad, empty, in pain, like a child in need... I sent him a lot of texts saying I don't have object permanence and when I don't see him its like all the affection I feel for him disappears and he stops existing on my mind when I dont see him. It's really painful. He replied this morning saying I need to go to the mental health center twice. Cold. I told him I felt abandoned he said "Be strong". I felt so invalidated. Then I asked him what happened to me and he said "You need to listen: you need to use your phone three hours a day. Shower once a day..ecc" he gave me instructions on what to do when he knows that I dont feel fucking okay. I spend my days in my room and I'm barely functioning and he asks me all this stuff, completely ignoring my texts of attachment. I feel broken beyond repair and I have a plan of killing myself tonight.

So like I had a session 2 hours ago and now I'm in tears because I miss him so much. I have BPD i dont have object permanence and its like so freaking painful. It's like a child who is crying for their mum. It's so freaking painful. I've done 1 year of therapy with him and I still can't internalize his affection. I can't take it anymore.

I've been awake since 3 am. I slept 4 hours. I'm feeling anxious. Heart beating. Mouth dry. Hypervigilant. Concerned. Basically I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is the most awesome human being on earth. I have a safe relationship with him and that's the reason why I feel I can have an open relationship with him. I am also dating my friend V. Basically she is inconsistent and last year she broke my heart because she changed community (we met at a community). We decided to try it out again and since then I've been feeling this way. We talked yesterday night and this morning she stopped replying. I'm feeling so insecure and scared of being hurt again. I'm spiraling.

Hello, so I have a boyfriend but last year I was together with a girlfriend of mine. I told my boyfriend I can't forget her so he allowed me to have this sort of open relationship where I can date her platonically and we can kiss. So she's confused af because she has a boyfriend but she has feelings for me and another guy. I'm confused because its been one year since we last met, and I really need a platonic story with a girl. Like the connection we have is so special. Problem is that my language of love is constant presence and she's a little like...not completely there for me. Im confused af

I have quiet BPD low functioning.. my life is really quiet and chaotic (internally). So last time I've worked it was two months ago and I ended up having psychosomatic stress by peeing myself at work. My nervous system is extremely fragile. Now im taking part of a program with the mental health center where I take part in activities and in 6 months they'll find me a protected job. I'm so afraid to screw this up.

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I was in a subreddit where I was critized for claiming I have quiet BPD but apparently I was too low functioning. But wait. We often forget that quiet BPD and high functioning are NOT synonyms. You can have quiet BPD and be low functioning. It's my case. Why do I say I have quiet BPD? Because all the emotions are internalized and people look at me see me calm and collected while on the inside I'm raging. I tend to direct hate inwards, I've self harmed so badly I needed stitches. When I was to the ER they were surprised by how calm I looked. The last time I attempted suicide and I ended up in intensive care unit, they all told me they were shocked because I looked fine. My last hospitalization one month ago my psychiatrist told me I looked fine while I was severely depressed and suicidal. I can't keep a job because of my social anxiety, last time i ended up peeing on myself at work due to stress. I love my boyfriend but I also feel like I need space from him, because if he gets too close it hurts me. I have a relationship love/hate with my family, they know the worst of me. I isolate a lot, I spend all my time in pajamas closed in my room. Today I'm supposed to meet a friend I haven't seen in one year. I constantly change hobbies, people call me indecisive. They dont understand. Do you understand? I spent my early adulthood locked in the psych ward. I met with the police twice. I burned my skin 100 times (Its nof an exaggeration I've actually counted the burns). I self harm. I create art to express how I feel. I'm not a good friend nor a good daughter or a good girlfriend. I attempted suicide so many times and yet when people they look at me and see I'm fine. This is also quiet BPD.

So basically I'm wondering whether or not I might be on the quiet side. My BPD evolved this way: quiet, loud, quiet. I had 3 years where I was extremely dysfunctional: self harm, suicide attempts, police, escapes, psych ward, ER... now its not like I don't self harm anymore, but less frequently. I self harmed three times in 5 months whereas before once a week. I still have suicidal thoughts I just found ways to cope with it. I'm still fragmented but like the pieces are not sharp glass anymore. I'm sure I'm not in remission. But everything is so silent. I still dont have a career but I'm working with social services to find one once I'm ready. I haven't attempted suicide in 9 months. Do I have quiet BPD?

- After years of being watched over, now I can finally stay at home alone without risking my life.

- It's true, I spend most of my time in my room alone but I'm drawing and writing. Art helps me express myself.

- I'm going to the mental health center once a week, and we're planning on increasing once I'm comfortable.

- I have three friends and although I'm inconsistent with them and hardly want to meet up, they stick with me.

- I have a boyfriend that loves me and stays by my side no matter what. Even though I've treated him poorly in the past he doesn't want to leave my side.

- I have a dog that I take care of by going on walks. It helps me get out of my own bubble.

- I haven't attempted suicide in 9 months. Although I still have suicidal thoughts frequently I have the stability to say no.

- My relationship with my parents has improved, they trust me more and feel more comfortable around me. My mum especially takes care of me, but also my dad. They mean the world to me.

- I go to therapy twice a week and I really trust the therapist. It was hard to gain my trust the first months, but now I wouldn't change him for anything.

- I refuse to be hospitalized again unless I'm in real danger. But I found a technique that helps me with suicidal thoughts: I go under the blanket of my bed and I feel safe and protected, even if the world is shaking.

- I have relapses but when I'm in crisis it lasts less time. For example last week I self harmed after a fight with my parents, I went to the ER and they put stitches on my wounds. After talking on the phone with my therapist I forgave my parents and continued to be calm and collected

- I wanted to get drunk to escape the void but I dont feel the need to get drunk anymore because I can sit with my emotions.

- I'm not perfect, I'm still struggling but its good to notice the signs of improvement.

So I've tried one year of DBT, it helped me with obsessions but like after one year I was extremely suicidal and had to enter a therapeutic community. Now I'm out of the therapeutic community, im not fine but at least I dont attempt suicide every other day. Now I'm doing psychoanalysis

I'll explain to you what happened to me. Because all of us can say there's a before me and an after me. My before was very isolating, I still had quiet BPD but high functioning. I remember suffering so badly, all the hatred was internalized. I had no one to trust and if I let them get closer to me it felt like my skin was burning. But I was very active: I did yoga, running, pilates. I wrote a lot at the time but was compulsively deleting everything I wrote, in an attempt to erase my existence. I was working on summers to pay for university. I was a top A student. At 22, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and it was a shock. At 23, I finally decided to ask for help and went to therapy for the third time in my life. The therapist at first seemed distant, cold, very professional. But soon I've realized she was gently warm. I immediately fell in love with her. I saw her as my therapist, friend, mum, sister, auntie, girlfriend, grandma. She was my EVERYTHING. I became obsessed, I would imagine her having sex with her supposed partner and I have imagined that I was born liks this. I dressed up and acted like a child and I filmed myself imaging she was my mother. I became completely utterly totally absolutely OBSESSED. This was my before. She was very intense in therapy, asked sharp questions. Turns out my mum was toxic. I collapsed. Had a psychotic breakdown. I lived with dissociation for one year. Meeting her twice a week made me stabilize myself more but I was paranoid about my mum. I thought she wanted to hurt me. I was absolutely convinced of this. The months go by, therapy continues, my dissociation worsened... until. THAT happened. She suddenly got sick and had to stay away from therapy for 3 weeks. I spiraled. I felt ABANDONED. I was going crazy. I was projecting i felt everyone was angry at me when I was the angry one. When we met she sharply asked if I felt alone. That moment, I broke into milion pieces. I went home crying and that night I asked my mum if she wanted to sleep with me, but I felt annoyed at my mum because she wasn't HER. So I spiraled completely: delusions, hallucinations, dissociation, panic attacks, depression, self harm and in the very first end SUICIDE ATTEMPT. Now my before: psychiatric patient, 22 hospitalizations, 11 months in a therapeutic community, heavy medication, +30 kilos, I do yoga when I feel like it, isolation, staying in my bed. I'm broken forever. The symbiosis with her lasted for three years and a half. For three years I constantly contancted her. For almost 8 months i stopped contacting her. I tried to reach out yesterday asking what happened because I felt confused. I realized she blocked me. I want to hurt myself so bad

I'll explain to you what happened to me. Because all of us can say there's a before me and an after me. My before was very isolating, I still had quiet BPD but high functioning. I remember suffering so badly, all the hatred was internalized. I had no one to trust and if I let them get closer to me it felt like my skin was burning. But I was very active: I did yoga, running, pilates. I wrote a lot at the time but was compulsively deleting everything I wrote, in an attempt to erase my existence. I was working on summers to pay for university. I was a top A student. At 22, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and it was a shock. At 23, I finally decided to ask for help and went to therapy for the third time in my life. The therapist at first seemed distant, cold, very professional. But soon I've realized she was gently warm. I immediately fell in love with her. I saw her as my therapist, friend, mum, sister, auntie, girlfriend, grandma. She was my EVERYTHING. I became obsessed, I would imagine her having sex with her supposed partner and I have imagined that I was born liks this. I dressed up and acted like a child and I filmed myself imaging she was my mother. I became completely utterly totally absolutely OBSESSED. This was my before. She was very intense in therapy, asked sharp questions. Turns out my mum was toxic. I collapsed. Had a psychotic breakdown. I lived with dissociation for one year. Meeting her twice a week made me stabilize myself more but I was paranoid about my mum. I thought she wanted to hurt me. I was absolutely convinced of this. The months go by, therapy continues, my dissociation worsened... until. THAT happened. She suddenly got sick and had to stay away from therapy for 3 weeks. I spiraled. I felt ABANDONED. I was going crazy. I was projecting i felt everyone was angry at me when I was the angry one. When we met she sharply asked if I felt alone. That moment, I broke into milion pieces. I went home crying and that night I asked my mum if she wanted to sleep with me, but I felt annoyed at my mum because she wasn't HER. So I spiraled completely: delusions, hallucinations, dissociation, panic attacks, depression, self harm and in the very first end SUICIDE ATTEMPT. Now my before: psychiatric patient, 22 hospitalizations, 11 months in a therapeutic community, heavy medication, +30 kilos, I do yoga when I feel like it, isolation, staying in my bed. I'm broken forever

So I'm an artist and I share writings and art about BPD and mental health in general. I've posted one of my poem in /r/writers and some of them liked it, whereas I received a comment where it said "Respectfully, this reads as /r/im14andthisisdeep. It was about the void I feel. We all feel. It's something personal and I shouldn't have had the courage to publish it. Now I feel small and disgusting