u/typeshhhhhh

Especially if it’s around plastic surgery aftermath

Everything costs 200usd that’s nearly half my rent lol

It feels like money really does solve everything and if you don’t have it tough

Any budget friendly BDD therapies?

I got kinda lucky and landed a film trailers/ 20th century fox with an electronic song I made

Now the company who got it done have asked me to make them an album.

They’re looking for real film epic trailer music + high energy sports tv ad stuff

They said try get some high quality sounds in Kontakt

Now I like the look of damage 2 but that alone is 250usd right now and if I buy more I’m sure I’ll end up 500+

Then I found musio and east west subs for 20 usd per month

As this isn’t a full time thing for me I’m wondering if anyone recommends any all in one or subscriptions worth getting for say 2 months. I create this album and see what happens after before committing to big prices

I’m in Quintana Roo Mexico

I run through parks and trails but it’s mostly pavement on road.

I have these chunky nikes I bought randomly years ago. I do not like them as they look like big chunky shoes on feet

Looking for slim shoes

From my google search I’m looking at “Composer Cloud” a subscription from Eastwest

Seems to have a lot in there I could use

I have
Serum
Omnisphere trillion keyscape
Arturia v collection

Ideal world I have everything in one VST / bank where it’s created to be that way so the sound is cohesive between all elements

Like nucleus

Something with epic percussion and drums as well as synth / orchestral etc

Too depressed honestly so thinking maybe I could just pay someone to do it all for me and have to trust them with all my things.

Not moving far. 5-10 minute drive kind of thing in centro

I asked in PDC subreddit so thought I’d ask here too as both may be biased

I live in playa now. I like it although I also like Tulum.

Tulum accommodations seem to be cheaper which is a thought for me. You can get nice spots there for 10k pm.

I like riding around.

Yet playa feels more alive. I go outside and everything’s happened around me.

Tulum I got to ride to places

Anyone been through this?

Is PDC hotter than Tulum? It feels hotter but maybe due to surrounding jungle in Tulum

At some point will I be at peace around other humans to have my own family etc

To be comfortable and make friends

Isolated for so long in a new country just to survive

Found a place but they were knock offs. Looking for the real deal

They make it out like concerned for me / somethings wrong

But I moved abroad and live a healthy lifestyle working on myself in therapy for years and ACA. Amongst a billion other things.

They are still in the same place drinking daily and pretending to social media their lives are something they are not. Thriving off likes and validation.

I’ve gone low contact but when they message me it’s like my hyper vigilant state pops up. Defensive state pops up. Feeling like I’m being targeted. These are all things for me to work on just not sure what to do.

I went from hotel zone to La Comer. It’s a nice ride but the only beach I saw was that public playa or whatever it’s called. Filled with brown sargassum and smell.

Is there any more scenery if I head south to Sian Kaan?

How to shake this consistent buzzing feeling of not being enough that’s runs in the background 24/7?

It’s almost like my poor inner child / boy (starting around 13/14) who learned he wasn’t enough.

Something is wrong with him but he doesn’t know what.

He’s so pure and full of life but people are mean, parents are addicts, nowhere safe to be anymore etc.

He goes through life feeling inferior, body dysmorphia begins, on edge/hyper vigilant awaiting anyone to insult him or say XYZ is wrong with him - and the feeling that’s running on in the background 24/7? As soon as that hears anything negative about him it will be confirmed as true. “Knew it. That’s why I feel this constant underlying feeling, cause something IS wrong with me”

But time evolves, he moves countries to start fresh, therapy for years, EMDR etc. things have got so much better! Yet everyday when he wakes up that feeling is still there creeping in. How do we tackle that?

\-

Not sure why that came out in third person but I was flowing. Here I am another morning 7:25am. Granted I didn’t get the best sleep and ate late. Yet anytime I feel slightly off my mind relates it to something is wrong with me
didn’t get the best sleep and ate late. Yet anytime I feel slightly off my mind relates it to something is wrong with me / I’m not enough / I’m everything my abusers said I was.

How do I snap out of this and just feel so much love for myself? It’s like more of a mind shift thing. I already meditate, exercise etc. also it’s almost like I do healthy habits to combat the feeling so working out can feel like I’m doing it to make up for the “thing” that’s wrong with me.

But a me vs me battle of deciding “no this isn’t true, this is who I am now” is still going on. I think maybe due to me still be isolated and spend lot of time at home maybe.

How to shake this consistent buzzing feeling of not being enough that’s runs in the background 24/7?

It’s almost like my poor inner child / boy (starting around 13/14) who learned he wasn’t enough.

Something is wrong with him but he doesn’t know what.

He’s so pure and full of life but people are mean, parents are addicts, nowhere safe to be anymore etc.

He goes through life feeling inferior, body dysmorphia begins, on edge/hyper vigilant awaiting anyone to insult him or say XYZ is wrong with him - and the feeling that’s running on in the background 24/7? As soon as that hears anything negative about him it will be confirmed as true. “Knew it. That’s why I feel this constant underlying feeling, cause something IS wrong with me”

But time evolves, he moves countries to start fresh, therapy for years, EMDR etc. things have got so much better! Yet everyday when he wakes up that feeling is still there creeping in. How do we tackle that?

\-

Not sure why that came out in third person but I was flowing. Here I am another morning 7:25am. Granted I didn’t get the best sleep and ate late. Yet anytime I feel slightly off my mind relates it to something is wrong with me
didn’t get the best sleep and ate late. Yet anytime I feel slightly off my mind relates it to something is wrong with me / I’m not enough / I’m everything my abusers said I was.

How do I snap out of this and just feel so much love for myself? It’s like more of a mind shift thing. I already meditate, exercise etc. also it’s almost like I do healthy habits to combat the feeling so working out can feel like I’m doing it to make up for the “thing” that’s wrong with me.

But a me vs me battle of deciding “no this isn’t true, this is who I am now” is still going on. I think maybe due to me still be isolated and spend lot of time at home maybe.

It’s almost like my poor inner child / boy (starting around 13/14) who learned he wasn’t enough.

Something is wrong with him but he doesn’t know what.

He’s so pure and full of life but people are mean, parents are addicts, nowhere safe to be anymore etc.

He goes through life feeling inferior, body dysmorphia begins, on edge/hyper vigilant awaiting anyone to insult him or say XYZ is wrong with him - and the feeling that’s running on in the background 24/7? As soon as that hears anything negative about him it will be confirmed as true. “Knew it. That’s why I feel this constant underlying feeling, cause something IS wrong with me”

But time evolves, he moves countries to start fresh, therapy for years, EMDR etc. things have got so much better! Yet everyday when he wakes up that feeling is still there creeping in. How do we tackle that?

-

Not sure why that came out in third person but I was flowing. Here I am another morning 7:25am. Granted I didn’t get the best sleep and ate late. Yet anytime I feel slightly off my mind relates it to something is wrong with me
didn’t get the best sleep and ate late. Yet anytime I feel slightly off my mind relates it to something is wrong with me / I’m not enough / I’m everything my abusers said I was.

How do I snap out of this and just feel so much love for myself? It’s like more of a mind shift thing. I already meditate, exercise etc. also it’s almost like I do healthy habits to combat the feeling so working out can feel like I’m doing it to make up for the “thing” that’s wrong with me.

But a me vs me battle of deciding “no this isn’t true, this is who I am now” is still going on. I think maybe due to me still be isolated and spend lot of time at home maybe.

I tend to just work from home but I’m trying to get out my comfort zone.

I have freeze tendencies (I’m in therapy for cptsd etc) and when people speak to me I can sometimes freeze and find it hard to show emotion on my face - I promise I’m very normal and have a big heart deep down but those initial contacts I can freeze so I’m anxious but trying to think to myself by doing this it will soften and it’s progress.

I just got to show up with a attitude of I’m here to work on what I’ve planned and optimism of the experience of trying a co work

I know it might be extreme to some as it’s probably a casual walk in the park for most :)

Long story short I did it in Indonesia and other places in Asia. Renting these little scooter bikes (we call them peds in UK)

And just ride around beautiful nature.

Is there anywhere to do that around Mexico where I’m not going to get extorted by police too lol?

I’m in Quintana Roo.

I’m not looking for busy places. More quiet nature beauty or something

Long story short.

I work online for myself. Small online business model. Currently earn around 1.5k - 2k.

I been working for so many years thinking it’ll eventually take off and get me financially secure. Yet that day hasn’t come but I’ve got older sitting in front of my desk not living as much.

One day I think it’s still possible but I need a break. Maybe for a year. I backpacked ALOT younger so I’ve done typical routes like Asia Australia and stuff.

I’m thinking to just go Mexico for a year. I will continue to work and earn but more so just live. I feel like I’m getting older now and not interested in hostels. Want my own space.

This is all for a break really and maybe something in my mind will change.

I have an emergency fund of a year of expenses too if I live frugally but as said income monthly will still be regenerated.

Anyone done similar?