u/apathyisfortheweak

UPDATE: hi all, lovely people! i will be posting my holy grails to see what i should bring, i thank you all and will be back with images and more details. might even make it a game of "this or that"! thank you!!

i am coming from the usa where we are incredibly spoiled and i could fill up a suitcase with my favorite hair, skincare, makeup. it’s my one true love, please don’t judge me!

i am not sure if i should do a post with my must haves, but i know i also will not be bringing a years supply of those, so i am wondering what are things i absolutely will struggle to find or that are ridiculously expensive and would be worth bringing more of?

i have dry skin and am from florida where the air is water, so i am a little nervous about parting with my comfort items. i really hope this doesn’t come off as a weird question. my friends and family are concerned about the animals and insects while i am freaking out if i can’t find a good curl cream 😭

i know people have complex family dynamics but sometimes i really hate my family. i am always the one doing the emotional labor to repair and then get walked all over, and when i stand up for myself i am then villainized.

i have a drug addict for a sibling and i get he is struggling with his own shit, but he is such a fucking asshole. i have helped him with rent, bought him furniture for his apartment and every time i visit i help clean up and organize. he never says thank you and is constantly bitching me out because he feels misunderstood and hates everyone and wants us out of his life, until he needs a favor again.

then i have a sister who constantly thinks i am fighting with her and it just ends up with me crying and having to push my feelings to the side to “keep the peace”.

i don’t want to fucking keep the peace anymore. i fantasize about leaving the country just to not have to deal with the pressure of having to make time for them. i know i will miss people and miss the people in my family i do care about, but those people don’t do anything to make the situation better for anyone and hold onto grudges to not have to do any repair and then expect for me to visit them all at their houses just so we can sit around and watch tv. so now since you fuckers don’t get along i have to do all the trekking?! fuck all of youuuuu

i am too grown for this shit i want to leave and never come back. it makes me sad that someday we will all die and there will not be some happy loving family or good memories to offset the years of pain. i’m so over it. fuck people who are shitty. fuck all the selfish assholes of the earth

/rant

i sometimes get canker sores and my gyno was discouraging me from getting tested. she said canker sores are not hsv, and almost everybody has it.

for the ”peace of mind”, i tested for it anyway and have found out i am positive, woot woot!

i have never had an outbreak as a conscious being, and none of my previous partners have ever come back to tell me i have passed them anything. but now i am full of anxiety and wondering if i have to disclose and what this means for me. i haven’t even experienced what people describe as an outbreak but now am scared of my own spit, which i sometimes use on bug bites or to wipe off a smudge.

should i tell my previous partners i have this virus? i don’t even really date around so there’s maybe like 3-4 people i would have to tell but it feels so awkward since it has been literal years.

i am struggling with my familial relationships and whenever i want to talk about it, it gets dismissed because there is less of an importance on that in comparison to romantic love.

i think the reason most people struggle to even have healthy relationships is because they do not have healthy relationships in general.

i have a half sister (who i have never called her that but that is how she describes me to her friends) who is always upset or annoyed with me. i always make her laugh and show up for her, but if i need anything i am always met with faux positivity and just a pressure to move on. she doesn’t even respond to my phone calls anymore but will text me asking me for favors. i have cut off some family members but thought that her and i would be friends forever, but over the years she just expresses frustration with me and will even yell at me in public. i want to work through things with her and one time even suggested we go to therapy and she said she only does that for her “relationships that she wants to commit to”. i feel like giving up and letting her go but that also feels wrong. i’m so tired of being a punching bag for my family and sometimes i just want to move to another country so i no longer feel pressure to continue on the relationships, i know this would come with its own grief but it feels easier than repair at this point. i have tried so hard over the years and just feel no hope.

i am debating on how hard i should be trying to meet somebody. the apps are sooo boring but anytime i hit on somebody irl they are usually taken, not sure what my next move is in dating but just curious what the odds are of this happening this “late in life”.

I recently moved back to Florida after having grown up in some of the major cities here. I now live in a rural part of town and there are no sidewalks in my neighborhood. I walk the same loop around my house every day and my neighbors, who I am pretty friendly with those who show face, will drive in the middle of the road when they see me walking. After they pass me, they will then go into their designated lane. I have even seen people attempt to intimidate me, while driving sedans, and get closer to me while passing me by. I am a cautious person and am usually laughing taking my walks listening to comedy podcasts. I don’t look like an outsider and my parents have been residents here for over 15 years. Why are people like this here? It is incredibly dangerous and honestly quite disturbing, I see where they live. I talk with their older moms and even walk with some of the old people here when they are lonely. What am I doing wrong here?

It makes me so sad to be treated like this in the state I was born in, and my parents have helped out a bunch of our neighbors with acts of services and in times of need.

Yesterday was my birthday and for whatever reason I thought this man who invited me out was going to be a fun time, turns out he doesn’t drive and needed a ride home. I reluctantly did so after he pleaded so many times (still working on it).

In the car ride to his place, he kept trying to rub my arms and my thighs with his clammy hands. After an awkward 3 minutes of my suffering, I took his hand off me and said “I’m going to put that over here” and put his hand far away from me. We didn’t talk the rest of the ride after that, and I just listened and jammed to my songs as I pity ubered this man to his apartment gates and did not feel bad about it!! Hope I get better at this because I am so tired of ending up with people because of their interest in me and not my interest in them!

So I have been working out and been an active person for the last 12 years. I am a yoga enthusiast, lifelong rollerskater but not that good, was a commuter biker for years, dance (started 3 yrs ago), had a boxing phase, etc. So I am not necessarily new to movement, but I am a beginner when it comes to "working out" especially unguided. I usually do activities, or attend classes for dance, flexibility, boxing, played volleyball, bike polo, etc. So, emphasis on I need someone to tell me what to do/communal dynamic to stay motivated! I am currently on a hiatus now that I am living in a rural area and I have started running/walking and stretching at home. I do about 20-25 miles a week, but only run about 7 of those (I am not a cardio fan and this is something I want to get better at).

All of this context is to ask, how does one who is operating from home with minimal gear (a yoga mat, sliders, two 3lb dumbbells, and a stretching band) develop a workout routine/plan/program? I would literally pay for something I can follow along (max 30$ a month) but am so overwhelmed. I have been researching for days and there are endless apps and resources, but I really would want something that leans calisthenics/gymnastics/dance/flexibility focused that doesn't require gear and also has a strong progressive program aspect where I am following a plan to get stronger and more flexible. My friend gifted me a month of Ladder, but it being on my phone is not my favorite. I would prefer to follow along on my laptop.

I would also be down to follow along a written out program! Any advice or tips?

Thanks for making the time to respond!

So I have been working out and been an active person for the last 12 years. I am a yoga enthusiast, lifelong rollerskater but not that good, was a commuter biker for years, dance (started 3 yrs ago), had a boxing phase, etc. So I am not necessarily new to movement, but I am a beginner when it comes to "working out" especially unguided. I usually do activities, or attend classes for dance, flexibility, boxing, played volleyball, bike polo, etc. So, emphasis on I need someone to tell me what to do/communal dynamic to stay motivated! I am currently on a hiatus now that I am living in a rural area and I have started running/walking and stretching at home. I do about 20-25 miles a week, but only run about 7 of those (I am not a cardio fan and this is something I want to get better at).

All of this context is to ask, how does one who is operating from home with minimal gear (a yoga mat, sliders, two 3lb dumbbells, and a stretching band) develop a workout routine/plan/program? I would literally pay for something I can follow along (max 30$ a month) but am so overwhelmed. I have been researching for days and there are endless apps and resources, but I really would want something that leans calisthenics/gymnastics focused that doesn't require gear and also has a strong progressive program aspect where I am following a plan to get stronger and more flexible. My friend gifted me a month of Ladder, but it being on my phone is not my favorite. I would prefer to follow along on my laptop.

I would also be down to follow along a written out program! Any advice or tips?

Thanks for making the time to respond!