u/szikkia

I dont have anyone to talk to about my Anorexia with in person. I feel like I will never be able to recover and to start even looking into is terrifying me. I dont have the money either so I can’t help but think I may as well keep feeding the disorder because I can afford it. I’d love to be ble to share why i’m struggling, whats scaring me, and things like that being honest and to the point. Is there any hope?

*please be lighthearted this is meant to be a fun funny post and non serious ridiculousness, a litttle reprieve from the ED*

So as I wait for my meds to kick in and to see how my new one works I have been resting. Scale was shit this morning, but I’ve been gassy. In my pre caffeine state the randomest thought went through my head:
Does trapped gas show up as weight on the scale? Do i need to get all farts out to have my “true weight?”

Anyways, what are soma random ass things your ED has made ya think of? Doesn’t have to be anything serious, the outlandish the better!

No “calories in toothpaste” type, i want the other shit. The shit ya never wanted to leave your mind due to the “what the fuck did i just think” and the illogical hilariousness that you know is outrageously untrue/unsound/ridiculous

*please be a lighthearted this is meant to be a fun funny post and non serious ridiculousness, a litttle reprieve*

So as I wait for my meds to kick in and to see how my new one works I have been resting. Scale was shit this morning, but I’ve been gassy. In my pre caffeine state the randomest thought went through my head:
Does trapped gas show up as weight on the scale? Do i need to get all farts out to have my “true weight?”

Anyways, what are soma random ass things your ED has made ya think of? Doesn’t have to be anything serious, the outlandish the better!

No “calories in toothpaste” type, i want the other shit. The shit ya never wanted to leave your mind due to the “what the fuck did i just think” and the illogical hilariousness that you know is outrageously untrue/unsound/ridiculous

please be lighthearted this is meant to be a fun funny post and non serious ridiculousness, a litttle reprieve from the ED

So as I wait for my meds to kick in and to see how my new one works I have been resting. Scale was shit this morning, but I’ve been gassy. In my pre caffeine state the randomest thought went through my head:
Does trapped gas show up as weight on the scale? Do i need to get all farts out to have my “true weight?”

Anyways, what are soma random ass things your ED has made ya think of? Doesn’t have to be anything serious, the outlandish the better!

No “calories in toothpaste” type, i want the other shit. The shit ya never wanted to leave your mind due to the “what the fuck did i just think” and the illogical hilariousness that you know is outrageously untrue/unsound/ridiculous

You know i struggled with eating disorders since middle school but never got treatment for it besides the group therapy sessions where i was more a cocounselor than a patient. Its getting bad again, and i’m scared. I fucked up my chance to get inpatient/res treatment when I was younger to keep going because i’m addicted to my eating disorder. I self recovered a few times but not mentally. I think i may be doing lasting damage and i will never be able to reverse the damage i am doing.

Yesterday I posted on Reddit asking if anyone had experience or recommendations for eating disorders centers and inpatient in one of the subs. Just to know, just to look, just to mull over the options that would be available to me if I had the money or better insurance. Today, i went on google and looked up those places. I saw what they offer, i spoke with someone from one. I have never done this before. I have never taken it this seriously or admitted how sick i am to this extent of care needed

I know i’m harming my body. I know i’m sick. I know i’m just going to keep getting sicker. My self recoveries dont stick and i dont know how much more of this I can handle. I found a place that looked really promising and like it would be helpful. Its out of state and def medi-cal wouldnt cover the cost, but it was nice to think about and muse what it would be like. I’m debating trying to recover, i teeter totter back and forth. This time it would be for me, not for others. I am scared to be honest about my relapse and reactions, the hurt, the accusations of lying which EDs notoriously do with our mouths.

I wish you would be proud of me for at least looking and considering myself and my health a priority when it comes to this. Treating my self like i’m important. I’ve never been this close to chosing recovery and thinking of going to a program. To giving up the control, actively work on my ED, and maybe, finally be free from it. I want to be proud of mysef but i feel like a fraud.

This is scary and I wish it mattered, i wish you cared. My ED is freaking out and i cant get that center out of my mind. Sometimes its nice to dream. It would be helpful. Never seriously debates treatment before at a facility.

There are a few more days left of this heatwave before we get some reprieve. I have a bunch of chicken thighs and I dont want to warm up the house. I know i could do BBQ, or adobo but I want something different. I have access to american, korean, mixed asian, mexican, and indian grocery stores. I dont mind buying a few things. Give me your favorite ways to make chicken thighs in the slow cooker. I need something new to spice up the regular rotation.

Dietary restrictions: gluten, oats, papaya,
I have swaps for most gluten things but not all of them

There are a few more days left of this heatwave before we get some reprieve. I have a bunch of chicken thighs and I dont want to warm up the house. I know i could do BBQ, or adobo but I want something different. I have access to american, korean, mixed asian, mexican, and indian grocery stores. I dont mind buying a few things. Give me your favorite ways to make chicken thighs in the slow cooker. I need something new to spice up the regular rotation.

Dietary restrictions: gluten, oats, papaya,
I have swaps for most gluten things but not all of them

Yesterday at a community event i saw a police lieutenant that had been called to my place a few times years ago when my abusive ex was here. There was only one call made when he was attacking me. This man burst through the door and was pulled him off me. With all my therapy i never prepared myself for seeing him ever again, let alone talk to. He recognized me.

I dont know how to navigate this. Anyone have any advice or coping skills or ways to make peace with it. Or an ear to lend? It’s throwing me through a loop.

TLDR at bottom, no clue which flair to use for this
So every years I see a flyer go up around my complex, always one above the mailbox of ours, the event is either the day I have plans or just not gotten a chance to go to it. It’s nothing fancy or special, it’s police, ems, firefighters, and council members going around neighborhoods and talking about crime, safety, and drugs in the community. It’s also an ice cream social, which was why I wanted to pop by.

It was being held at the club house of my complex. Well i went today. I tried to once, i walked up to where i could see it, turned around and sat at the pool. Tried again and then read the pool rules taped up on the window. A neighbor saw me and welcomed me it. Normally I would have taken the anxiety as “something bad is going to happen”. It was interesting i met some neighbors, everyone was basically my grandfather’s age group, and i live in his place. Lots of good info on whats going on in the city, resources, and such. Council woman and the cop were really nice and answered any questions, i now know a good bit more than I had. I walked away with 3/4 of the ice cream, my neighbor who I know gave me it all. Tonight i was supposed to start doing shaved ice instead, oh well.

I digress, as i was walking back to my condo I started to hyperventilate and panic. It wasn’t the anxiety keeping me out or perhaps it was. I knew the lieutenant’s voice. I knew the lieutenant face? I couldn’t stop looking at him. I know the look in his eyes, he knew me too. There was a hesitation of saying bye and awkwardness. There’s a look you get when people have seen certain sides of you or your life. I know this man. Not friends or romantically. So who is he?

My ex would throw small parties and the cops were commonly called. I remember the night that lieutenant was at my home due to a party. I remember my ex being arrested and his friends with the other cops. He wasn’t an asshole to me unlike my ex and his friends, i think he saw it then. He tried to get a read but i couldnt say anything because of my ex’s friends. He couldnt pull me away from them to talk due to my safety. I was never arrested by them unlike I ewana say near everyone he would invite over and not sure of the exact reasons for the multiple arrests, or i forgot.

Fast forward to why the panic attack. The only time the police were called was those parties, never when I screamed for help or for someone to call 911. They never did, just the parties. Except once. It was one of the real bad days with my ex and per usual i was >!beaten, screamed at, degraded, and raped.! Sometimes it’d be spiced up with attempted murder.< This by that point was very common. My housemates never called the police when I was getting beaten, but I guess the decided to draw the line at rape they could hear happening.

This lieutenant is the man that burst through the bedroom door with another cop and pulled my ex off me while he was raping and beating me. This man saved my life for that night as it was very common for my ex to attempt to kill me. Sadly that wasn’t the last I saw of my ex but i was out soon after. I never prepared for this part. I just tried to not stare and eat my ice cream, focus on the topics being discussed. I wish i said more than an awkward “thank you” that i didn’t intend to say when the event was over. The HOA ladies gave me like 3/4 of all the ice cream. Ya’ll know they make mini drumsticks now?

This was not on my bingo card.

TLDR: went to a community event late half the thing at the complex where i live where city officials, police, ems, and fire fighters go around and talk with the neighborhoods. Its supposed to be on finding ways to stop crimes and drug abuse in the area. The offer free ice cream, The police lieutenant that was speaking has been called to my home before in the past due to my ex and his friends. He tried to help me and get me to admit to the abuse but i couldnt talk with my ex’s friends around. I was too scared and he couldnt get me to admit i was being abused. The big reason it hit me hard is a night I will never forget. He’s the man that burst into my bedroom with his partner and pulled my ex off of me while he was beating me and raping me. He knew, I knew, awkward hand shake. HOA ladies gave me a shit ton of ice cream.

I am no contact with my father after his actions and for abusing me as a child. Earlier this year I got engaged. I have known for a long time that when I walk down the aisle I will be walking down it alone. I know i could have someone else do it, but I feel i hould go by myself. He never told me when he got remaried, he threw me away like a broken toy when he got his new family. He will not get a save the date or a RSVP. He won’t know what color wedding dress I will wear. If I have a train. He’ll never know the song I dance to celebrate my marriage or the dance we learn. He won’t and doesn’t even know my fiancé is shorter than me. And a lot of it is by his actions and choices that he never will unless someone else tells him later but he’s burnt most bridges.

I always see pictures and videos of folks walking down the aisle with their father’s happy smiles and love, they’re father tearing up as they hand them off to their future partner. I’ll never have that, i will never know how that feels. And everything else he gets to do with his new family and I will never experience. I kind of feel robbed almost. I get to walk down the aisle alone, my children will only have grandpas on one side, there will be no playdates or fun days, but I do not trust him. I’lll pick up my car left for me with the divorce and that will probably be the last I ever see him unless i just have him leave the key in a keylock box thing and no face to face. He used to be so big of a part of my life at one point. Now I may as well just be a passerby on the street.

I just started to begin on the wedding planning and all of this has been bubbling up.

ED as in Eating Disorder, apologies on not specifying!!

I have tried to reach out to people about this and it seems like everyone is just MIA today or too busy.

I have a friend who I used to see all the time but for a bunch of reasons I haven’t seen in a really long time. I havent seen him since my weight loss was due to med changes that then caused the spiral I have been in. I’m completely in a relapse, there’s absolutely no denying it at all and i have stopped lying to myself about it. I have lost a very significant amount of weight since the last time he saw me in person. He has seen pictures or snapchat but that doesn’t always like give you the whole image of how someone looks in real life. I dont often post or send full body photos. He isn’t completely unaware but as said, seeing someone in the flesh is different. It solidifies things. It’ll solidify some things for me as well, which I think is scaring me, because it’s not deniable. I am how i am now, and that’s the truth in reality, this sets it in stone. I think this really scares me. (I just came to this realization of solidifying things to myself and beinf afraid of it)

He knows about me having an ED in the past so I am pretty sure he will know no matter if I try to play it off as my chronic illness being why, it’s partially true but as said, no more lying to myself. I feel like i am going to ruin his birthday celebration with me going there in this sick body. I’m not going to hide myself or my weightloss in baggy clothes or anything, i’m still going with my style and what i feel good in. I just don’t know how to go about this.

I really do feel like it’s going to ruin his birthday or part of it. I know its going to hurt him to see me like this, he never has before. I know its because he cares and loves me that it will worry him or hurt to see me sick like this and i feel so guilty about that. I know he would love to see me, but this has me wanting to cry.

Thinking of going and seeing him is giving me so much anxiety and bordering panic attacks over being physically there and to be seen completely. It’ll be a huge difference from the last time I was hanging out with him. Am I going to ruin his bday? Should i just not go? How do i cope with these feelings?

(I am currently debating recovery or harm reduction but have not committed to it or staying sick, limbo atm)

Please comment on this post and do not dm me

I have a friend who I used to see all the time but for a bunch of reasons I haven’t seen in a really long time. I havent seen him since my weight loss was due to med changes that then caused the spiral I have been in. I’m completely in a relapse, there’s absolutely no denying it at all and i have stopped lying to myself about it. I have lost a very significant amount of weight since the last time he saw me in person. He has seen pictures or snapchat but that doesn’t always like give you the whole image of how someone looks in real life. I dont often post or send full body photos. He isn’t completely unaware but as said, seeing someone in the flesh is different. It solidifies things. It’ll solidify some things for me as well, which I think is scaring me, because it’s not deniable. I am how i am now, and that’s the truth in reality, this sets it in stone. I think this really scares me. (I just came to this realization of solidifying things to myself and beinf afraid of it)

He knows about me having an ED in the past so I am pretty sure he will know no matter if I try to play it off as my chronic illness being why, it’s partially true but as said, no more lying to myself. I feel like i am going to ruin his birthday celebration with me going there in this sick body. I’m not going to hide myself or my weightloss in baggy clothes or anything, i’m still going with my style and what i feel good in. I just don’t know how to go about this.

I really do feel like it’s going to ruin his birthday or part of it. I know its going to hurt him to see me like this, he never has before. I know its because he cares and loves me that it will worry him or hurt to see me sick like this and i feel so guilty about that. I know he would love to see me, but this has me wanting to cry.

Thinking of going and seeing him is giving me so much anxiety and bordering panic attacks over being physically there and to be seen completely. It’ll be a huge difference from the last time I was hanging out with him. Am I going to ruin his bday? Should i just not go? How do i cope with these feelings?

(I am currently debating recovery or harm reduction but have not committed to it or staying sick, limbo atm)

I have a friend who I used to see all the time but for a bunch of reasons I haven’t seen in a really long time. I havent seen him since my weight loss was due to med changes that then caused the spiral I have been in. I’m completely in a relapse, there’s absolutely no denying it at all and i have stopped lying to myself about it. I have lost a very significant amount of weight since the last time he saw me in person. He has seen pictures or snapchat but that doesn’t always like give you the whole image of how someone looks in real life. I dont often post or send full body photos. He isn’t completely unaware but as said, seeing someone in the flesh is different. It solidifies things. It’ll solidify some things for me as well, which I think is scaring me, because it’s not deniable. I am how i am now, and that’s the truth in reality, this sets it in stone. I think this really scares me. (I just came to this realization of solidifying things to myself and beinf afraid of it)

He knows about me having an ED in the past so I am pretty sure he will know no matter if I try to play it off as my chronic illness being why, it’s partially true but as said, no more lying to myself. I feel like i am going to ruin his birthday celebration with me going there in this sick body. I’m not going to hide myself or my weightloss in baggy clothes or anything, i’m still going with my style and what i feel good in. I just don’t know how to go about this.

I really do feel like it’s going to ruin his birthday or part of it. I know its going to hurt him to see me like this, he never has before. I know its because he cares and loves me that it will worry him or hurt to see me sick like this and i feel so guilty about that. I know he would love to see me, but this has me wanting to cry.

Thinking of going and seeing him is giving me so much anxiety and bordering panic attacks over being physically there and to be seen completely. It’ll be a huge difference from the last time I was hanging out with him. Am I going to ruin his bday? Should i just not go? How do i cope with these feelings?

(I am currently debating recovery or harm reduction but have not committed to it or staying sick, limbo atm)

Also, was unsure which flair to use

I have a friend who I used to see all the time but for a bunch of reasons I haven’t seen in a really long time. I havent seen him since my weight loss was due to med changes that then caused the spiral I have been in. I’m completely in a relapse, there’s absolutely no denying it at all and i have stopped lying to myself about it. I have lost a very significant amount of weight since the last time he saw me in person. He has seen pictures or snapchat but that doesn’t always like give you the whole image of how someone looks in real life. I dont often post or send full body photos. He isn’t completely unaware but as said, seeing someone in the flesh is different. It solidifies things. It’ll solidify some things for me as well, which I think is scaring me, because it’s not deniable. I am how i am now, and that’s the truth in reality, this sets it in stone. I think this really scares me. (I just came to this realization of solidifying things to myself and beinf afraid of it)

He knows about me having an ED in the past so I am pretty sure he will know no matter if I try to play it off as my chronic illness being why, it’s partially true but as said, no more lying to myself. I feel like i am going to ruin his birthday celebration with me going there in this sick body. I’m not going to hide myself or my weightloss in baggy clothes or anything, i’m still going with my style and what i feel good in. I just don’t know how to go about this.

I really do feel like it’s going to ruin his birthday or part of it. I know its going to hurt him to see me like this, he never has before. I know its because he cares and loves me that it will worry him or hurt to see me sick like this and i feel so guilty about that. I know he would love to see me, but this has me wanting to cry.

Thinking of going and seeing him is giving me so much anxiety and bordering panic attacks over being physically there and to be seen completely. It’ll be a huge difference from the last time I was hanging out with him. Am I going to ruin his bday? Should i just not go? How do i cope with these feelings?

(I am currently debating recovery or harm reduction but have not committed to it or staying sick, limbo atm)

I have noticed when I do something that is too much effort or energy in a short amount of time, or I begin to do something akin to exercise (walking too much/fast) i get this weird tingling feeling in my face and flushing. It doesn’t go numb and it’s not stroke, i have had a TIA I know how it feels to deal with that tingling and numbness.

Does anyone else get this? It’s quite uncomfortable and scared me at first because of my TIA. It comes and goes but is mostly when there is energy being spent. It can happen a few times a day even. I have no idea if this is connected to dysautonomia but i figured I would ask the community in case.

Hi! I did try to search for the answer to my question but didn’t see much. I was taught to hand sew as a child, many different kinds of stitches, i was taught some basic embroidery, and to sew on a machine. My aunt taught me like her grandmother taught her and her mother taught her. Growing up we made our halloween costumes from sewing pattern books every year and it was a lot of machine work but before I go back to that, I really do miss hand stitching and want to start here. These arts have been a family thing to pass down and teach, doll making was another tradition but unfortunately that one ended when my great grandmother passed right before my birth. My Nana was a cross stitcher which i haven’t tried much, but she thought i took to it well the one time she showed me. (She lived out of state, didnt get much time with her) I was my aunts adopted daughter to pass these things to as she had two athletic sons. Unfortunately as I got older and life happened I wasn’t over as much and I wasn’t sewing.

A while back i did attempt to retake up embroidery but it wasn’t the time. I plan to pick it up again in the future as I remember enjoying it and i was in that stint mentioned. I need a hobby that’s low impact and has reward, this is something I enjoyed and has a sentimental attachment as well. Everywhere I turn everything is screaming at me to take up needle arts again. My cousin and I are bonding over it, i had a past acquaintance pop into my life and with no mention of sewing she showed me her newest project, and other things just calling me back. Also, I want to cary on the tradition of making our costumes and learning needle arts when I have children.

I know most of us nowadays get our info online or from videos, and while they are helpful and would love some suggestions, I’m looking for a book that shows the different stitches and how to properly do them. I would like to be able to refer to it as i practice and having that physical resource is best for me. I have looked around Amazon a little but most of it is on quilting or I can’t really see any of the pages to see if it has good images or how things are described. Is the quilting book the way to go? I don’t really know what falls into what because I was just taught stitching and needle arts. She taught me multiple stitches and did projects to wok on all of those. Once that was satisfactory, I learned patchworks, and then learned to sew on a machine to connect the patches and borders for a quilt. We took it to a quilting shop for the heavy duty stitchery. I also learned how to sew with a pattern and use a pattern along side the patch working and quilting at the same time. I’ve done hand sewn pattern work and machine when I was younger and I often did the hand sewing for the costumes or clothes.

Does anyone have a good book recommendation? I pick things back up quickly so it doesn’t have to be kids level teaching, which I also will take recs on, but one that is a bit beginner/refreshment navigable/friendly. I want stitchery, be of use for quilting, apparel, and other things. Does this exist? Will I need multiple books?

Any and all info is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you for reading my blurb about wanting to come back to sewing and i hope your projects turn out magical! I can’t wait to start sewing again. The excitement for it is a bright spot in the darkness I am currently facing.

Does anyone ave the old traditional versions of these? I had them as a child and I often think about them but want to make them. I remember being teased for it but they’re delicious. Any other molasses recipes are also welcome!

Thank you kindly

These were my favorites growing up (i’m 32) and i havent had one in sooo long that its a tragedy. I must fix this.

Anyone have a gf recipe for these?

These were my favorites growing up (i’m 32) and i havent had one in sooo long that its a tragedy. I must fix this.

Anyone have a gf recipe for these?

Those of you who also can’t have oats, including certified gluten free oats, what have you found to replace them?

I used to overnight oats/museli and I miss it so much!