u/gigithrowaway21

Omg guys when I say I’m doing my absolute BEST to get my middle splits, but it’s like something gets in the way of my hips opening I don’t know why.

I started ballet this year in the summer, so I had honestly not very much experience yet but I’m very eager to learn and grow.

I was training early to bring up practicing bielman move on the ice to my skating coach, and so I can do the front splits with my right leg forward, but I injured my left hamstring earlier this year :(
And so I have been slowly trying to get my left front split back too but it’s taking foreverrrr

Now I know that a lot of that I aim to achieve in ballet will be aided if I’m able to do the middle splits but I’m starting to lose hope. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.

Is it normal for your body to be so hard to mould in your 20s? ☹️

My skin feels sensitive, eyes are sensitive to light, everything is loud, my head oh my god my head feels disgusting. Like numb and painful at the same time. I’m so uncomfortable I’m so restless and sad. I want to hit my head against a wall.

My breathing feels wrong too. I can’t stop thinking about whether I’m a terrible person. I’m worried I’m going to be useless and hopeless. I can’t see a future for myself. I want to be happy I just want to be happy, I want to do things. I want to the right things and have the right life. I want so much more than this.

I feel so miserable. I want cry but it keeps bubbling over and then just not bursting. Everything freaking hurts. It all it’s all hurts! I’m sick of this, I’m sick of it freaking hurting. My body aches and is like screaming at me when I move.

I just wanted to clean my room and workout today but I can’t move. Nothing is worth it anymore. It’s like my life just isn’t worth it. My brain is convinced and I can’t get it to think otherwise. I desperately want more than this. I need a new brain, I need a new life. I need someone who cares about me. Why doesn’t he care about me anymore. I’m so god damn sad I just wish I could die

I’m just lying in bed paralyzed with fear and terrified that everything and anything I do is for nothing.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if it’s because my close friend and I are kind of in an argument or weird spot right now. I don’t know if it’s because I feel ashamed of being 21 and never been to college.

I do what I can and it never feels like it’s enough. Or like it’s leading anywhere. I look forward to the future and all I see if failure to become any one of substance. I know that right now is a crucial time for me to make a decision, to decide on a path to follow and focus on it but I’m so terrified of it all going horribly wrong. I’m worried that no matter what I do, if I try to choose happiness that I’ll end up broke anyway. I need to find a new job because the one I’m at is killing me and has been for a while. But I sit in front of my computer and just freeze. I can’t even update my resume without feeling guilty and sad and embarrassed.

I just watch other people online chase their dreams, doing things just for the fun of it. I watch girls from my high school actually live their lives while I’m stuck in my room sick to my stomach with anxiety.

The only things I’ve managed to do this month is sign up for skating classes, ballet lessons, and start oil paintings. That’s all I’ve done. And I feel like a failure for not being particularly decent at all of that. I haven’t put together a portfolio, I haven’t applied to other positions for a new job. I haven’t gone out with friends, I don’t even know if any of my past friends still like me.

I went to ballet class yesterday and felt good in the moment. It felt so nice to pretend like this could really be my life, that one day I could be dancing in front of real people, but I know it’s never going to be possible. I’m too old, too broke, too inexperienced. Same with skating. I just sometimes ask myself where any of the things I thought I enjoyed will take me one day. And I keep thinking that I’ll just end up disappointed and behind everyone else.

I’m supposed to apply to college this year and I’m just so stuck. I’m embarrassed and ashamed and frustrated. I hate myself, I hate my life, and I’m hate that all I do is sit and watch others be great.

I don’t know what I’m asking for. I just wish I knew someone felt the same way. I tried 4 times to play my favourite video game today and I just couldn’t. Even playing the sims makes me feel like a failure, living a life I wish I could have in a fake simulation. Watching how pixels get to be happier than I am. How they get to have apartments and be ballerinas, painters, actors, models, and more. How a made up character has the same aspirations as I do, but actually gets to live it. It makes me so sick.

I just wish someone understood me. I feel like a failure and I haven’t done anything yet. I don’t know what to do.

I’m trying to make the most out of this month off of work (and I’ll be quitting my horrible job soon yay!😁) and I’m taking ballet and skating classes. I’ve been taking skating seriously for almost a year now and so the ice feels relatively more comfortable to me than ballet which I only started in July this year. So I’ve been practicing ballet for almost 3 months and oh my goddd. It’s ridiculous how often I need to stretching and train.

I WANT to be better, and I believe in myself from time to time. However I might have some breathing problems because I get faint and exhausted really easily. My knee joints hurt oftentimes when I bend. And it’s hard to rise up from one foot/leg pliés and relevés.

I wonder if changing my mindset to an athletic type of mindset might work? How to do you make the switch from taking things easy to training hard every day or so? I find it hard to bring myself to go jogging consistently and workout with weights constantly.

If you started as an adult (I’m 21 years old female) and you managed to train your body into being in shape, please tell me your secrets. Because a lot of my time is spent feeling weak and burnout :(

I can’t even type that long. I don’t know what to do. I feel so stupid and heartbroken I could die. I thought he wanted to be with me, why would he say and do these things if he didn’t. Everything is my fault and I just don’t know what to do. I hate this so much. I feel so fucking stupid. I regret so much, I can’t believe I let myself fall for him, I can’t believe how happy I was. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want to die.

I don’t know if it’s possible to be “triggered” by other’s bodies and idk if it counts as body dysmorphia but seeing someone in person who is obviously a teenager and is somehow genetically blessed to be thin hourglass is the worst feeling ever.

I don’t understand why some girls get bodies like that and I’m stuck with mine. I feel so sick I want to cry. And it’s so lame like I’m already an adult but even as a teen I wasn’t that small so what gives. And she was taller than me a little bit too.

I just feel like such a loser lately. Even in ballet there was a girl with the perfect body. Why can’t I look like they do, I don’t understand. When I look in the mirror I don’t know what I’m looking at. I don’t see anything but the fat on my body and I’m so confused as to why it won’t go away. I wish I could make this go away. All I’ve ever wanted is to be thin enough to exist happily. But when I workout it’s like I’m getting bigger. I hate it. I hate this meat suit I’m forced to wear. I just want to disappear.

I’ve started taking adult ballet classes and I feel so horrible sometimes. I’ve been behind in everything, it takes me forever to memorize the moves and repeat them. my body doesn’t look anything like I wish it would and feel fat literally all the time. I don’t know what to do with myself any more.

I know that if I don’t eat I won’t be strong but I feel weak anyway. This week has made me feel horrible. It’s almost impossible for me to stand on relevé comfortably on one foot. I have a hard time raising my body up from my knees and ankles (which has been painful every time I move now for weeks). My arabesque is horrible and tight, I think my legs are weak but I work out every chance that I get. I rest a lot too, I take my vitamins and everything so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong besides the whole “bulimia” thing. I don’t even puke that often and when I do I drink electrolytes to get my energy back.

Even in my skating classes I don’t feel good enough. When I skate I’m not strong enough to skate for long without running out breath due to my asthma and due to being partially out of shape. My feet hurt so much after too but they won’t get more flexible and I don’t know why. My calves are tight all the time, and my abdomen is chubby and bloated, I have love handles and back rolls and I just…I can’t find a reason to make dinner tonight.

I was hoping to go jogging later when the sun goes down (I don’t like the heat and people being able to see my body) . Maybe if I go jogging I could have the pasta. It’s supposed to be this frozen ravioli I bought, I was going to make some sauce for it and add cheese. But I’m worried about the cals. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t eat. I don’t know. I’ve been anxious all day and I don’t know why.

I just look at my thighs and I regret all the food choices all the time. It makes me want to cry when I see skinny girls at the studio, and online. My brain thinks “of course you’ll never be like them, you don’t have the discipline, you’re not even thin. You’ll be flexible if your fat is stoping you from pushing further”. I can’t stand the feeling of my skin bunching together, or my thighs rubbing against each other.

I don’t know what I’m looking for. I don’t know. Maybe some comfort, I’m really anxious right now and I feel like the world will end if I don’t starve myself. But I’m worried that my muscles might betray me if I don’t eat. Please help me.

I don’t even know if this counts as seeking dating advice, I don’t know if he’d even call what we’re doing dating. But a really close friend of mine and I are kind in no talking state right now.

I met him Reddit and we eventually moved to regular messaging on a different app. It’s been expressed that we both are interested in each other but he’s literally in the next country over so it’s not really possible, amongst other serious issues that prevent us from really being together.

The thing is I like him a lot but he said something that really hurt me and I was shocked had even come out of his mouth. I essentially hung up on him saying I’d call him back but I was so angry, and I think he was getting upset too. We haven’t spoken for 3 days. Neither one of us is making the first move to text each other and I worry that he genuinely won’t try and reach out to apologize or even check on me at all.

A guy friend of mine said it’s immature of him, which is a red flag/ungentlemanly considering how old his is. But idk. I’m just said. I used to text him every single day. And now it’s just gone like that. I’m worried he’s finally bored of me. I don’t know what to do.

I’m just worried that if I text him first he’ll know that he can wait me out like this and eventually I’ll crawl back to him. I just wish there was some form of evidence that he cared. I miss him as a friend more than anything. I feel so alone.

I think i have tendinopathy and it’s completely ruining every fitness goal i have for myslef. It hurts so much whenever i try to stretch. It hurts when i sit or bend down to grab something. Its only my left leg that affected because I hurt it while in the splits a couple months ago. Ive tried two different physiotherapists, i try weight exercies and i try to rest it everyday but it’s so frustrating. Im trying to be strong but its so hard to go from being so flexible and strong to feeling weak and disabled all becuase of a singular injury, Nothing i do is helping, and im starting to give up hope. It just hurts more and more each day that I’m worried that I’ll end up needing surgery.

I’m literally crying right now because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to hate my body anymore but it’s so hard not to when everything about it is in pain and is fighting my progress. My knees feel painful and swollen too lately, just a couple days ago I had severe nighttime leg cramps I was on the floor sobbing. Now my left calve is in so much pain I can’t reach my tip toes without straining it. My left hamstring won’t heal no matter what I do.

I just feel so hopeless. No one seems to be able to help me. I’m already so bad in all the ventures of life I want to pursue and this injury is preventing me from doing my best every single day. I just wish it would all go away.

If anyone could please help me. Please, it hurts so much all the time, and it doesn’t get better. I’m giving up on it more and more everyday. I don’t know what to do.

Sometimes I think about how I’ve been doing this for so long (since I was 10 maybe younger) and I just think about how little professional work I actually have. It’s really discouraging. How you get out feeling disappointed in yourself for not being as professional or unique as you’d hope to be at this point in your “artistic career”? :(

When I see other artists that I absolutely admire, it’s incredibly how many genuinely original works they have. I feel like I haven’t made anything incredibly organic or revolutionary, and it can be hard to consider myself an “artist” when I don’t have anything but studies to show for it.

Could someone please tell me about the typical rules of hosting an art show? Assuming you’re getting paid for it, how do you navigate pairings that are heavily referenced through another photo? How much of the original reference should not be included in your own painting?

I’m sorry if I can’t post this here but I’m just angry at this moment in time.

There’s this skating club in Toronto I’ve had my eye on for MONTHS since their last skating session, and I was just about to sign up on the exact day that their sessions opened online registration. Except literally 20 minutes into registration literally all of their classes fill up. Every single one. I tried to get on the waitlist but I’m 3rd in line and it hasn’t budged since it open yesterday morning.

I’m just so frikken UPSET I tried so hard to keep an eye on the registration time and I had to get off a train and run to work and in the time it took me to get this stupid job my lost all my chances of signing up. I’ve been crying about it all day I can’t stop. I saved up my own money, I paid for my CanSkate subscription and now I can’t even get in. I’m so angry. I know the waitlist isn’t necessary going to be considered so it doesn’t frikken matter that im on there in the first place. These were the only classes I could afford and now they’re gone until next spring. Literally what the hell am I going to do. I’m so angry I just want to throw up.

I don’t understand how this happens. I just want to cry but here I am on my way to this god damn ridiculous job. I can’t wait to quit I’m so angry. This is the worst thing to happen to me in so long, I don’t know what to do.

I’m doing my absolute best to limit my bloating issues (>!serious bloating for a week before period and after purging due to disordered eating along with occasional acid reflux!<)

I just came off my period so I know there hormones at play that are helping with bloating too but for the past two days I’ve had two smoothies, one each morning (peach, almond milk, mango juice, and Greek yoghurt) and it’s helped tremendously with my stomach. Like I’m kind shocked?? I had Alfredo pasta and chicken last night and I was terrified that I’ll wake up so sick and gross, and constantly feel like I need to puke, but i felt alright and after the smoothie i feel great.

The only reason i think the yoghurt is what’s helping is because a month or so back i was eating like every morning or so and i always had so much more energy afterwards it was incredible. I have been taking Magnesium pills, and K2+D3 drops every morning as well to help with my depressed mood, and for the past week have been taking a new probiotic. But nothing made my stomach settle like these smoothies, I’m so grateful (even though the peaches were 3.99 per lb🥲). I’ve just been wondering what could be causing me to feel so much better.

I’m just really frustrated at the moment to the point where I could cry. I injured my left hamstring in a front left split MONTHS ago and it’s still giving me trouble. Whenever I try to stretch or strengthen it, it gets worse. It’s like no matter what I do, when I stretch I get so much worse.

Now when I stretch my left hamstring or sit down in certain positions the front of my pelvic floor (sorry if this is tmi but mainly around the left labia and clitoral area) start to feel sharp pain. It really discourages me from stretching the leg at all in any way.

Not to mention how tight my calves are. Literally the outside sides of the legs are so tight that stretching feels like painful tingles. It sucks so much and I feel like crying every single day about it.

The pain on my hamstring is deep underneath my butt and it doesn’t get better no matter what I do, whether it’s weight strengthening, slow stretching, heat therapy or ice. I’m getting worse and i feel like I’m spiralling. I just really want to cry, I don’t know what else to do. I can’t afford $100+ on physiotherapy twice a month. I need help please

I’m 21, and I’m sure you can already guess where this is going. But I really want to go into ballet professionally one day. Even if it’s in the next 6-10 years. I don’t care. I just need some form of hope that I can I get there one day. I already have a physiotherapist who I am expressing my goals to, I’m taking classes and am looking to ask my current teacher for private lessons during the month, and I’m putting all the money I can together to work towards having a ballet and figure skating career. I knew I’m very VERY behind, and growing up poor didn’t help me, but I’m doing my best and paying for it all out of my own pocket. I’m trying so hard and I just broke down in front of my best friend about it now. I’m worried that I’m working towards that impossible.

I’m just in such a fragile state right now so I’m begging please that if you aim is to give tough love that you refrain from so. My brain often times just sees it as cruel. I just need someone who understands please. It’s all I think about, it’s like skating and painting for me. I can’t not do it. I need to do this somehow, eventually. I don’t know how or to what degree but I’m willing to dedicate this entire decade of my life to it to see where I can go. I’m going ask my past professional ballet friend for help and pointers, and I don’t know. I need this. Please. Any hope would be appreciated and even if it’s sad news I don’t mind, I just can’t do with anymore cruel internet scolding, my heart can’t take it, I’m sorry.

Thank you in advance, sorry if the words are everywhere’s it’s currently 2am for me.