u/newuser2111

I (46F) attend a weekly online group therapy session and there is a Q and A at the end. I was asking the leader a question about my personal issue and he answered me. Then there was another participant (53M) who chimed in wanting to address my issue also. But the leader wouldn’t let him talk to me, saying that is against his rules. He said this other man could privately DM me and we can exchange phone numbers.

So we did. And we chat in an online app almost daily and he initiates. It is not romantic as i help with his issue.

Anyway, I feel this is getting unhealthy because I don’t want to chat daily. He texts me daily saying he is online now and he is available to chat. I never meant for this to be an everyday thing.

I grew up in a toxic family and am considering moving back home with my parents to save money. And because i feel lonely.

He discouraged me, saying if I lived with him, I wouldn’t want to move back home.

I have only known him like 4 days maybe.

I am not looking for a romantic relationship and he says neither is he.

He said his previous partner / friend was an online girlfriend and she left him after they were friends for 3 years. She said she wanted to talk to another guy online.

I asked this guy that if there was no romantic interest involved, then why would she ghost him to talk to another guy online? If it were platonic, surely she would keep in touch. I asked if he had ever met her in person (after 3 years of online chatting). He implied that he hadn’t.

Something is not adding up.

Is this healthy to keep engaging?

I (46F) attend a weekly online group therapy session and there is a Q and A at the end. I was asking the leader a question about my personal issue and he answered me. Then there was another participant (53M) who chimed in wanting to address my issue also. But the leader wouldn’t let him talk to me, saying that is against his rules. He said this other man could privately DM me and we can exchange phone numbers.

So we did. And we chat in an online app almost daily and he initiates. It is not romantic as I help with his issue.

Anyway, I feel this is getting unhealthy because I don’t want to chat daily. He texts me daily saying he is online now and he is available to chat. I never meant for this to be an everyday thing.

I grew up in a toxic family and am considering moving back home with my parents to save money. And because I feel lonely.

He discouraged me, saying if I lived with him in an affordable place, I wouldn’t want to move back home.

I have only known him like 4 days maybe.

He said his previous partner / friend was an online girlfriend and she left him after they were friends for 3 years. She said she wanted to talk to another guy online.

I asked this guy that if there was no romantic interest involved, then why would she ghost him to talk to another guy online? If it were platonic, surely she would keep in touch. I asked if he had ever met her in person (after 3 years of online chatting). He implied that he hadn’t.

Something is not adding up.

Is this healthy to keep engaging?

What is the best way to work under a narc manager?

Does one willingly provide narc supply to their narc manager, as a strategy.

It’s just a short time solution until you can get out and find something else.

Yes, it means you are being fake nice, but so are they.

They’re playing games and hence, you have to play games to survive the toxic workplace.

My experience has been gray rocking doesn’t work too well, because the manager can easily claim that you’re being “rude” or they can say anything. They are usually believed because they have the ear of the higher ups.

Has anyone strategically provided supply and has it worked?

My mother passed away last week.

My thoughts keep taking me to the past all the way back to my childhood and adolescence.

I had a complex and difficult relationship with her.

I was reading some text messages from some years ago and felt triggered.

How do I move past this? And what do I focus on now? Or how do I find what I need to focus on?

I am not really close to the rest of my family.

I have a question about the ten year cycle.

My current one was 2017 to 2026. And my next cycle is 2027 to 2036.

So when does the next cycle officially begin? I was told that the energy of the next cycle is already almost here. And that 2026 is a crucial breakthrough year.

So does the next cycle for me begin at the start of the Chinese New Year in 2027? Or does it begin on my birthday in 2027? Or is it already underway?

Thank you.

My mother had been sick for past two years. She passed away recently.

I am the eldest in family and have a sister who is 6 years younger.

She has never had to work a real job ever because she lives off my mother’s money.

My mother was the main breadwinner in family and my dad had a job but didn’t make as much money.

Anyway, I noticed for past two years, my dad only calls me when I need to buy something for my sister. Like buy something online, clothes or anything.

Otherwise, he doesn’t call. He didn’t even remember my birthday.

He texts me saying it’s “urgent” issue. Then when I call him back, he says he just needed to get in touch with me to make sure I buy whatever my sister needs.

My sister was sitting by my mother most days when she was sick. Since she didn’t have any job.

My mother openly favored my sister for my entire life and I was the scapegoat in the family.

But why is no one checking on me to see if I am okay? I feel like I was just being used for money.

Now that my mom is gone, my sister has completely disappeared in that I don’t hear from her. Now she has my mother’s money, so she doesn’t need anything.

So this is all about money?

For some reason, only toxic people / friends seem to make their way towards me, because of my upbringing and past trauma and CPTSD. It’s like they’re sensing I am someone easy to manipulate.

They love bomb me, then establish themselves as superior, then talk down to me / put me down, then discard me, then try to hoover me back in. When that doesn’t work, there’s a final discard.

And the story repeats itself with every new person I meet.

When I have boundaries with such toxic people, I am labeled as the problem.

So, I have found that it is much better and safer to be alone. Without friends or anything.

In my family of origin, I was the scapegoat my entire life. I sometimes wondered why I was chosen for the role and how can every single thing be my fault? That’s not realistically possible.

I am not sure if majority of people out there are toxic and that’s why I keep being around by them. Or if majority of people have good intentions and I just haven’t met very many of those people.

Either way, I basically distance and disengage from most people.

My mother passed away last week. She was in and out of hospitals since 2024 and I was financially supporting my sister and dad during this time, as much as I could. I didn’t even ask for the money back, because it was not about the money. I guess I just wanted to help.

But ever since my mother passed away, my sister ghosted me.

She left me a tearful message right after the passing, saying she was planning for our mother to be discharged from hospital and return home.

But I think this is about the money. She wants all my mother’s savings, since she doesn’t work and hasn’t ever had a real job.

She even tried to manipulate my dad (for his will) into a 70/30 split where she gets majority . She thinks she deserves more. My dad said it’s 50/50 between us, otherwise she doesn’t get anything.

She was the golden child (of our mother) growing up, while I was the scapegoat.

Also, I was laid off out of the blue, and ever since then she doesn’t ever call me. As I don’t have funds to spend on her. I always have to initiate contact.

What does this even mean?

I don’t think she will reach out again unless she needs money or unless she has already gotten the money from my mother.

I recently bought this. When I was at the store the agent said since my 13 has major issue and wouldn’t turn on, we cannot check to see how much total storage on the phone I am even using.

We tried using the model phones around the store to login to iCloud with mg Apple ID. It wouldn’t work, due to 2 factor authentication. I don’t own a laptop (had issues) nor iPad.

My guess was I was using a fair bit of the 256 GB I had on my iPhone 13, but I couldn’t be sure.

So the agent said to get the 512 gb and I kind of wanted that anyway.

But now I see I am using 95 GB of 512 Gb. However all the iCloud syncing is still happening. I honestly thought I was at 200 GB or so on my previous phone.

I also pay for monthly iCloud back up of 200 GB (pay per month). I do know I am using 143.4 GB of that (as of now).

My question: do I need to trade this phone in and get the 256 GB in iPhone 17 to save $200? Or is that a good in investment to keep the 512 GB phone I have?

I take moderate number of photos, but do take a lot of screenshots and save everything. Have over 22,000 Notes (mostly words for each note). I have over 2,298 Apple Music songs — only some are downloaded, but I plan to download all.

I typically stream Amazon prime movies but I can download them if it will conserve my battery life. And delete them after watching.

I don’t make any videos but I have a good number of audio recordings saved. I save all YouTube videos that I want to watch in the playlist on YouTube app. I don’t download those.

Also I have a moderate to semi high number of apps on phone and I already deleted some that I don’t use.

I had the iPhone 7 in 128 GB without iCloud back until the very end
iPhone 13 in 256 Gb with iCloud backup of 200 GB
iPhone 17 now in 512 GB with iCloud backup of 200 GB

I recently bought the 17 in 512 GB. I take moderate photos, have a lot of Apple Music (which is not all downloaded, but it is separate into playlists). I guess I can download everything. I have a fair number of apps but have been deleting some. Right now my phone says I am using 142.4 of the 200 GB (iCloud). And 91.87 of 512 GB.

I stream movies without downloading. And I don’t play any games.

I can’t be sure if all the Apple ID backup has been completed, but it may have. I don’t know yet.

It’s weird because when I was on the iPhone 13, I felt like I was using well over 50% capacity of the 256 GB.

I had the 13 in 256 GB with the least iCloud storage option (200 GB). They had said I needed that to back everything up to iCloud. It comes to $2.99 per month.

And before that I had the 7 in 128 GB. No iCloud storage until the very end.

My question: do I still need to keep the iCloud monthly storage? Since I have more storage on the phone now, is that necessary? How else will the 512 GB come in handy?

I tend to take a lot of screenshots of things, which goes to Photos.

My family and I live in a Western country.

Growing up, I was the scapegoat and my younger sibling was the golden child.

Our entire life revolved around keeping our mother happy and doing exactly as she said. My father left us when we were young. He reunited with my mother when I was at college. Since then, my dad became the enabler of my mom, as she was the breadwinner.

She used money as leverage over everything. I was not allowed to have friends / no dating.

I was living at home for majority of my life. When I was working somewhere, I was to return home the minute I got off work. If I needed to run an errand or go to the store, I would get multiple text messages and calls threatening me to show up at the house immediately.

I was heavily isolated. Hence, I have no friends and no life.

My mother said since I live at her house, I am to follow her rules.

I only moved out maybe under a year ago, because she couldn’t psychologically and emotionally abuse me anymore. She had health issues.

My question: She passed away today. My dad has been pressuring me to show up and to be there for funeral. Ever since I had moved out, he became the new scapegoat. My mother and sister blamed him for deserting the family in the past and he didn’t want to take accountability.

I do not want to go to the funeral. The extended family will be there - they are even more toxic. They are only interested in comparing me to their own children. They are there to feel better about their own situation in life. They don’t actually care about anyone.

My dad wants to re-establish the narrative of making me the scapegoat again. My body cannot take the stress and I am not wiling to be the scapegoat for the next 20 years.

Is it ok for me to not engage in the family problems and not attend funeral? I grieve in my own away and can honor my mother’s memory in my own way.

My mother passed away today, due to health issues.

My dad expects me at the hospital where she was. But I don’t want to go.

The entire extended family will be there for the funeral. I still don’t want to go.

I no longer hold a grudge against her. I forgave her.

But I don’t want to be the perpetual scapegoat in the family for the rest of my life. The trauma from the past has followed me into my adult life.

My life was on hold until my mid 40’s because I was to do exactly what everyone else wanted. That’s what I did my whole life.

The extended family is even more toxic. They cannot stand me because they are busy comparing me to their own children. They don’t actually care about anyone.

My question: Can I not attend funeral and not do anything else?

I think my dad has become the new scapegoat because he is very nervous. So he wants me present immediately to re-establish the narrative. And to have witnesses like the extended family, so I can be the scapegoat. My body can’t go through that anymore. My sister (golden child) is at the hospital now and she said my father is not even in the hospital room with her. He is on his phone, calling random people to share the news.

What do I tell him when he calls back?

My mother passed away today, due to health issues.

My dad expects me at the hospital where she was. But I don’t want to go.

The entire extended family will be there for the funeral. I still don’t want to go.

I no longer hold a grudge against her. I forgave her.

But I don’t want to be the perpetual scapegoat in the family for the rest of my life. The trauma from the past has followed me into my adult life.

My life was on hold until my mid 40’s because I was to do exactly what everyone else wanted. That’s what I did my whole life.

The extended family is even more toxic. They cannot stand me because they are busy comparing me to their own children. They don’t actually care about anyone.

My question: Can I not attend the funeral and not do anything else?

I think my dad has become the new scapegoat because he is very nervous. So he wants me present immediately to re-establish the narrative. And to have witnesses like the extended family, so I can be the scapegoat. My body can’t go through that anymore. My sister (golden child) is at the hospital now and she said my father is not even in the hospital room with her. He is on his phone, calling random people to share the news.

What do I tell him when he calls back?

My mother passed away today, due to health issues.

My dad expects me at the hospital where she was. But I don’t want to go.

The entire extended family will be there for the funeral. I still don’t want to go.

I no longer hold a grudge against her. I forgave her.

But I don’t want to be the perpetual scapegoat in the family for the rest of my life. The trauma from the past has followed me into my adult life.

My life was on hold until my mid 40’s because I was to do exactly what everyone else wanted. That’s what I did my whole life.

The extended family is even more toxic. They cannot stand me because they are busy comparing me to their own children. They don’t actually care about anyone.

My question: Can I not attend the funeral and not do anything else?

I think my dad has become the new scapegoat because he is very nervous. So he wants me present immediately to re-establish the narrative. And to have witnesses like the extended family, so I can be the scapegoat. My body can’t go through that anymore. My sister (golden child) is at the hospital now and she said my father is not even in the hospital room with her. He is on his phone, calling random people to share the news.

What do I tell him when he calls back?

I was not allowed to do anything fun growing up. Meaning, my mother didn’t allow me to have friends, to date or have a normal life. She told me people can’t be trusted and only she (and family) can be trusted.

She triangulated me from my sibling. She made sure we didn’t get along.

Whenever I had something to say in the family, even something light hearted, I was told to be quiet. Don’t talk.

I either was introverted or became introverted - not sure.

My therapist said to go no contact with my family. I have been doing low contact.

By the time I realized I wanted to get married and have kids, others were already married and had kids.

She kept telling me no one would wanted to marry me — and first I would need her blessing.

She then said whoever married me will be abusive.

I feel like I lost decades of my life. I didn’t get to have any fun, interesting experiences.

And I repeated the pattern of isolation in college and then in my working life as an adult.

My mother used to say “her house, her rules.”

I have been living outside of my parents’ house for about one year. But I still operate from the same conditioning. I don’t trust anyone - because most of the people who appear “friendly” are only love bombing me to get something from me. Basically toxic people show up in my life.

I primarily focus on my solo hobbies and that’s it.

I don’t know if there is an easy solution. It’s not so simple as to find group hobbies. I have tried those and people form cliques and only hang out with their people.

My question: I am accustomed to being alone. But if I wanted to see what an actual relationship would be like, how would I even do that? What are the next steps for me?

I feel like mostly everyone I come across is trying to con me in one way or another.

I am an ABCD in U.S. The issue is that for a long time I have been observing a pattern at work.

First, the boss and even other coworkers on the team are taking credit for your work, behind your back. You do not even know it is happening often times. When you find out, if you broadcast your accomplishments so that nobody can take credit, then you will still not get credit, so you’re basically working for free.

I mean, you will not get the credit / recognition because whoever was taking credit for your work in the first place has established the narrative. So they will continue to claim credit and get promoted.

Meantime, you are stuck in the same role - no promotion, no recognition, and no basic raise even.

So I thought I will go above boss’s head and make sure higher ups know of my contributions. That went fine initially. But then the boss completely lost the temper and escalated issue. The higher ups said I am not allowed to publicly share my work. Meaning, I am only to privately tell the boss and tell that person whatever my tasks / accomplishments are. So boss has a free pass to do whatever they want.

So I thought no problem, I will just leave this job and go somewhere else. Somewhere else has some other crazy problem happening and the previous issue is still present.

Bottom line, there is no upward progression in career. Because they don’t want you to grow and be promoted. Whatever your skillset is, you are perpetually stuck there.

Basically you are treated as if you are an offshore consultant or some kind of indentured servant.

If anyone can relate and has experienced this, can you please share some insights / solution?

I have noticed some flight attendants hand out extra treats on the second go around, after beverage service. Like they do refills and extra peanuts / cookies.

I am just wondering if this is upon discretion or is part of normal service?

What exactly are they looking for in the interview from a candidate? Customer service skills? Pleasant personality? Communication?

Thank you.

What is the easiest thing to learn to make if you don’t know how to cook?

And you don’t have fancy equipment, such as an instant pot or crockpot.

Something other than a sandwich or salad.

Why do narc managers smile when delivering bad news to someone? I cannot figure this out.

It’s like they are perfectly pleasant when saying something rude and obnoxious.

Is that just because they are fake nice? Or is it something deeper?

Like if I had to share not so great news, I would not be happy doing it. I would have a serious face, and certainly not be smiling and being jolly.