u/itz_vampy

It’s disappointing that even amongst my peers there’s still a lot of othering to those who don’t fit in. yesterday the amount of pure hate and transphobia i received over a simple video wasn‘t shocking because i think 99% of trans people have experienced similar invalidation and rudeness before both in real life and online, but ngl it was still hurtful nonetheless.

it’s like you have to be cishet and neurotypical in order to be liked. and don’t even dare share a picture of yourself because they will come for your looks or act like you personally offended them when they can just scroll. it has made me self conscious from doing that again here. a lot of us get judged harshly in real life and come online to connect with others and i was excited finding out a place like this existed but now i know there’s a good number of mean spirited people on here. there’s some nice ones who are pretty cool though and the mods did step in but it’s clear certain people aren’t welcomed here. i’ve noticed this with similar posts here from others like me too. i am once again reminded that the only places i will be accepted are queer groups. i already know this post will be downvoted as that’s what happens when they are too cowardly to show their disdain for you directly, but i am posting this regardless ✌️

I started working as soon as I turned 18 and although my first job was not it my current one is such an improvement. Especially after getting promoted to a higher position last year and not having to do much tasks compared to when I first got hired.

I love my coworkers and our main boss is super protective of his employees. It’s like having my own little work family and it makes a big difference regarding productivity. Some days it doesn’t even feel like I’m going to work. It’s not perfect and there are some days where it’s pretty chaotic, but It’s like night and day to whatever work environment teenage me found himself in the past.

So I wanted the general consensus on this as it’s something i’ve lowkey been wondering and it’s something I’m a bit self conscious about. Would you treat one of your guy friends differently if you found out he wasn’t born male? I have gone into male spaces with no issues as I pass and my friends don’t really suspect anything (apart from that one I talked about the other day that found out lol).

I made the misfortune of lurking on online forums to see how some guys think about trans dudes and it kinda made me sad seeing people say they treat us as girls instead of one of the guys. of course they wouldn’t say that to their face but it doesn’t really make it any better. that was always one of my fears with coming out as i don’t want to be seen as a girl or a “tomboy”. I was socialized as a guy before medically transitioning so I don’t feel any different from the average male either.

So I am a trans man and I have considered doing this type of gender affirming procedure in the past but never really got around to doing it. I have a love/hate relationship with my chest.

I've been wearing a binder for years and sometimes I wish I was free to go shirtless like other guys, or not feel constrained by a smothering piece of material. also working with a binder is uncomfortable. I try to not think or focus on my chest but there are days the dysphoria is really bad and I end up feeling a certain way about them. I don't have any dysphoria with my bottom half of my body though.

I go back and forth on getting it and not getting it. I told my girlfriend about this since we started dating years ago and she was neutral about the whole thing, but i feel like she won't be fully on board. she loves my boobs more than i do lol. i'm just not sure how i feel and the surgery feels invasive. there's downsides to it and i most likely will loose sensation in the area. but again it’s the thing that screams “female!” and one of the most sexualized parts of the female body. I just want a flat chest and not feel shame for something I was unfortunately born with.

But now after coming out as genderfluid my dysphoria isn't as bad as it used to be when i identified as a binary trans man. That said I know I won't be in this gender forever and when I inevitably go back to my masc phase i feel like i will want to get the procedure done. the whole thing is just a bit confusing :/

For those who have jobs in customer service do you also get hit on/borderlined harass at work? This has been happening to me since i got a job right out of high school. grown men double my age would make weird comments about my appearance and use any excuse to touch me. there were times some would caress my hand or wrist while collecting their change or ask if i had a boyfriend. When I would say I don’t and I had a girlfriend a lot didn’t take me seriously and some saw it as a sign to convince me to give them a try. like i would magically leave my girlfriend and date some random customer. it’s like they only respect you if you belong to a man. I always hear women say they wear fake wedding rings at work for this reason alone. This only got better when I started becoming more masc/transitioning and stopped presenting as feminine.

I think in a lot of cases some people see those of us in the service industry and mistake our friendliness for an invitation to be flirty. We are trained to make customers feel good and come back to our stores. It’s so awkward when you’re trying to assist a customer and because you smile and ask about their day they in turn ask for your number. guys do this a lot but it’s not just them either. It puts us in an awkward position because we are put on the spot, and we don’t want that kind of pressure on us while we are trying to work. 

My girlfriend is an entp and I wanted to know what other people from her type think about those who are infps. I consider myself a passionate person and lover. I think of myself as silent chaos, among other things. this isn’t an about me post though and i’m too lazy to put much nuance into this so do with this however you will.

I don’t know how common or uncommon this is, but I consider myself to be a bit impulsive. It’s not like I do everything on a whim though. I know the risk and benefits to every action I do, it’s just that most times I won’t care or think too deeply about every single thing I do.

I hear all the time how N types have ”analysis paralysis“, overthink everything, and trust I can think of a million ways things can go right or wrong but sometimes I ignore all of that and just go with how I feel at the moment. Maybe I want to try something new, like a new hairstyle or get a tattoo. I know it’s something that takes consideration but if I overthink it I know I won’t go through with it so I kinda just “jump in” and deal with the consequences later. Despite being thorough with important life decisions, I like to take risks because you’re not really living life if you live it too safe and there’s just this thrill of doing things that you wouldn’t normally do or trying new things just because.

Like how will I know if that new ice cream flavor tastes good if I don’t try it even if it *looks* like I wouldn’t like it? Or how will I know how skydiving works if i don’t randomly schedule a session? Yeah you can always read about it or watch a video on youtube but it’s not the same thing as experiencing it for yourself. That’s an extreme example ik LOL but yeah I think you get the idea. I wonder if anyone else with intuition (bonus points if they are a diplomat as well) can relate to this.

This is both worrying and slightly funny because i have always kept my agab from others. I was always naturally androgynous so after I began transitioning as a young teen i basically looked like a regular guy. my parents were very supportive of me and it made the whole process easier. the benefit of starting hormones young also included my voice being deeper than the average female’s and having a sharper face structure. I have used the men’s bathroom with no issues. funny enough going to the women’s bathroom caused more hassle because of how visibly male i looked even with some femme features. I also wear a binder every time i go out and avoid people hugging me or wearing fitted clothing. My usual outfit is baggy street clothes and i never wear feminine outfits as that gives me dysphoria. this is for context to give you an idea of how i pass.

So obviously i never took my clothes off in front of my friends (male or female) and kept physical boundaries for myself. I can’t wear my binder all the time as it’s not recommended and can cause health issues so when i’m alone or just with my gf i don’t bother to wear it. The issue is i didn’t have it on this time and wore a regular soft bra to relax in.

This dude for some reason dropped by without letting me know and i thought it was my girlfriend because I was expecting her. so my dumb self opened the door and i stg my heart stopped 😭 my brain lagged so bad because i didn’t expect him there and we both just stared at each other, well he was staring (blatantly) at my chest and i just remembered my sense and slammed the door closed. it was SO awkward i am still cringing remembering it. He knocked on the door and wanted to talk but i ignored it because i was lowkey freaking out. he eventually left and when my gf came i told her everything. idk how to face my homie anymore gng i think i am completely screwed.

I think in a lot of cases some people see those of us in the service industry and mistake our friendliness for an invitation to be flirty. We are trained to make customers feel good and come back to our stores. It’s so awkward when you’re trying to assist a customer and because you smile and ask about their day they in turn ask for your number. guys do this a lot but it’s not just them either. It puts us in an awkward position because we are put on the spot, and all we can do is just stand there and smile because our livelihoods depend on making the customer happy. especially when most of your wages come from tips.

we don’t want that kind of pressure on us while we are trying to work. I also had some guy wait until my shift ended to talk to me way after closing time. He came inside the store a whole 5 hours before and i had no idea he was outside somewhere waiting. that scared the sht out of me and my manager had to tell him to leave because he didn’t leave when i told him to.

Please don’t do these things and let customer service workers get on with their day. this is a job for us at the end of the day. there are other appropriate places to hit on people and work isn’t one of those places.

eta: a lot of weirdos showing their real colors in these replies 🗿

since it apparently needs to be said: just because your friend met their true love at a bar doesn’t mean the millions of other service workers want to be subjected to your unwanted advances. this also doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen from workers but that isn’t the point lol. It’s wrong either way and people should have situational awareness and consideration for others when they obviously can’t just walk out of the situation. idk why this is such a hard concept to grasp for some guys here.

So I used to identify as a binary man before. I never told anyone I wasn’t born one and always presented masc (and passed) so the worst people assumed I was just a feminine/androgynous man. The only people who knew were my parents, siblings, ex, and my current girlfriend.

I started transitioning at 13 and took blockers before taking testosterone. My parents were very supportive from the get-go. I never wore dresses or skirts and always dressed “like a boy”. I didn’t do top surgery though and stuck with wearing binders. It felt right for a time.

Now as I really enter adulthood, and after so many years of ID as a guy I am beginning to feel comfortable being nonbinary. I’ve only ever been attracted to women and my gender identity didn’t change that. It’s weird because there were times and days in the past when I didn’t wear a binder/didn’t put effort into looking masc and people assumed I was a butch lesbian. I remember back then that would make me very uncomfortable but now that my gender isn’t fixed anymore I’m okay with being seen as a queer woman. but I still have my “man moments”, so now it feels like i’m not a real lesbian. I feel like I am intruding whenever i breeze through lesbian spaces and feel like a foreigner. I don’t even know if I get to call myself one after spending the majority of my life rejecting womanhood.