u/OkSeason8723

Porque é que em Portugal os cemitérios são projetados desta forma?

São pouco ou nada funcionais, e com um impacto enorme na paisagem.

Eu sou nativo da Dinamarca, mas vivo em Portugal há 10 anos, quase tantos quanto os que vivi na Dinamarca, que visito muitas vezes. Lá os cemitérios fazem parte das cidades e vilas e servem a cidade de uma forma totalmente diferente. São verdes, há sempre gente porque funcionam como parques e jardins. Pessoalmente prefiro este conceito.

Na semana passada fui finalmente visitar um amigo que perdi recentemente, e foi frustrante porque nem cinco minutos consegui ficar, não havia sitios para sentar nem uma única sombra.

Fez-me pensar porque é que são assim, e se ninguém gostaria que fossem diferentes. Eu sei que há fatores culturais e religiosos que compreendo, mas questiono-me se ainda fazem sentido hoje.

Qual é a vossa opinião?

21M here, west european.

My mom left home when i was 11yo, and we haven't spoken or seen each other since.

Many days, I miss having a normal mom around, even though I don't really know what that is.

Hi everyone. 21M here.

I need unbiased, outside opinions, opinions I couldn't get irl, on a matter that’s been weighing heavily on my mind.

To summarize: my mother left home when I was 11yo after my parents found out I’d been abused by someone she trusted when I was younger. She only got back in touch this year, but contact was only a couple texts, and she disappeared again.

Recently, just over a month ago, I found out my father had hidden the fact that a court had forbidden her from contacting me until I turned 18, due to severe neglect and substance abuse (linked to her mental health problems).

So, apparently, she knew something had happened and did nothing and told no one. I went to therapy and eventualy the therapist realized what had happened and told them. I don't really recall much of it.

When I learned the truth and spoke to my father, I decided I didn't want to know the full extent of what he knows. I thought it would be better not to know the actual role my mother played in all this, since it was apparently worse than I’d imagined, and I saw no good in knowing.

However, a month later, I’m still questioning if that was the right choice. I feel like I won't be able to get closure or move forward without knowing the whole truth, no matter how shitty it might be.

So, here’s my dilemma: should I pursue the whole truth, try to live with it, and somehow put this matter to rest once and for all?

Or should I live in ignorance, sticking with what I already know and remember, things I had, in a way, already dealt with and moved past.

Is it worth opening up old and new wounds?

But how can I make peace with the past if I don't truly know it?

Have any of you faced a similar decision? Which path did you take?

What would you do?

I'm tired of thinking about this. And I think I'll only stop when I know.

Hi everyone. 21M here.

I was a victim of csa, and perhaps because of that, I constantly put myself in risky situations and struggled with boundaries during my adolescence. I had very bad experiences with both genders at a young age.

One of those experiences happened when I was around 13. I was raped by an older boy. Tied up, raped, and then tormented with blackmail and physical violence for a year.

The problem is... at the time, I had a fixation on that guy, i was kinda curious and attracted to him, and that caused me to convince to myself for a long time that I was actually "looking for it". I still grapple with those feelings, even though I know how serious it was and how fucked up it left me, to the point where it took a very long time for me to trust anyone at all again.

A year after it happened, he moved to another city, and I never saw him again.

However, when I think about the situation, I feel nothing toward that person, neither anger nor disgust, and that disturbs me because I know the anger is still inside me.

Music and combat sports help me cope with that repressed rage, and recently i opened up about it to my partner, but I wanted to ask if anyone has gone through something similar and how you dealt with the repressed anger. I don't want to keep it inside any longer.

Some days, I get really tired of everyone seeking me out just to unload their problems on me, while my spirit is so broken that almost no one can imagine.

It drains all my energy and, in the end, I feel like crap for feeling this way.

Today was one of those days

Hi. 21M here.

I have a silly question that has been making me think lately.

I've always considered myself gay, openly since I was very young, although labels never really bothered me much.

Despite that, I've always had more hook ups with girls than boys. I don't know what signals I was giving off, but it's the truth, and for various reasons, I've always had trouble setting boundaries. In my late teen years and freshman college year (before i start to date my bf) i was allways approached mainly by girls and despite i never felt attraction for girls (zero) i never had problems going along with the hook up and enjoying the sex. But again there's never been any interest or attraction on my side and therefore I never consider myself bi.

In a recent conversation with my bf, he labeled me as bi, so am I wrong, and could I be bi? Can my preferences change over time? Not that it matters, but i am curious to hear some opinions.

Does anyone relate to this?

Hi. 21M here.

I have a silly (not important) question that has been making me think.

I've always considered myself a gay, openly since I was very young, although labels never really bothered me much.

Despite that, I've always had more hook ups with girls than boys. I don't know what signals I was giving off, but it's the truth. And yeah, for various reasons, I've always had trouble establishing boundaries.

I don't feel and never felt the slightest attraction to girls, zero, and therefore I don't consider myself bisexual. However, I've never had problems going along with hooking up with girls, and enjoying sex, although there's never been any interest or attraction.

So am I wrong, and could I be bi? Can my preferences change over time? Not that matter, but i am in a stable relationship with a boy, and this subject came along and i am curious to hear some opinions.

Does anyone relate to this?

Today is my mother's birthday.

And once again I feel like shit, and I hate it more than anything.

She never wanted me, left home when I was 11, remained silent for the last 10 years, only to finally break the silence weeks ago, and ghost me again before anything could happen.

​

She's a shitty person for sure, sick maybe, the enabler of my childhood abuse, a pedo enabler to say the least, because I chose not to know more in detail.

​

And yet I still cling to two or three good memories. I don't even know if they are fully real anymore.

​

What the hell is wrong with me? How can I feel like this for someone who destroyed me in some many ways?

I hate it, I hate feeling this way, and I hate not being able to direct it towards her.

On these days i just can't escape this void.

Today is my mother's birthday.

And once again I feel like shit, and I hate it more than anything.

She never wanted me, left home when I was 11, remained silent for the last 10 years, only to finally break the silence weeks ago, and ghost me again before anything could happen.

She's a shitty person for sure, sick maybe, the enabler of my childhood abuse, a pedo enabler, to say the least, because I chose not to know more in detail.

And yet I still cling to two or three good memories. I don't even know if they are fully real.

What the hell is wrong with me? How can I feel like this for someone who destroyed me in some many ways?

I hate it, I hate feeling this way, and I hate not being able to direct it towards her.

​

Lately i have been very much into bands like High Vis, Soft Play, Big Special, Sleaford Mods, Bob Vylan.

Can you recommend me more bands alike, new or older ones, that i should definitely check?

Cheers!

I'm 21M and I've been dating my partner (24M) for two years and living toghether over a year, and over time I've also become friends with his best friends. This group includes this girl (23F) who is his cousin and they've always been very close like brother and sister.

She's an amazing person, loving and very reliable. However, over time I had to cut her out of my life, and I feel like shit for it.

As a child and teen, I was sexual abused several times, and this caused me to grow up without knowing how to set boundaries for anyone and without knowing how to say no. It's extremely difficult for me to know when someone is just friendly or has another interest in me. Since I started dating my bf, I decided that when in doubt I wouldn't allow new people who become overly friendly to get close. And that's what I did with his cousin, consciously and unconsciously. I know she's just too friendly, likes to touch too much, worries too much, its overly nice, but at some point it became impossible for me to deal with it because was too invasive of my privacy, so I started ignoring her in every way possible, and that created discomfort with everyone including my bf because we are all toghether many times. I feel really insensitive for acting like this, but its beyond my will.

I recently opened up about my past with my bf, trying to explain my shortcomings and actions. He understands better now for sure.

However, I don't know how to repair the relationship with his cousin without telling her the real reason, because I'm not interested in her knowing about it. I don't know how to deal with that disconfort, and how to allow people to be just kind, and stop being the jerk.

I ve been in therapy, it helps understand the why, but not really the how to.

Anyone can relate? How do you fix it?

I'm 21M and I've been dating my partner (24M) for two years and living toghether over a year, and over time I've also become friends with his best friends. This group includes this girl (23F) who is his cousin and they've always been very close like brother and sister.

She's an amazing person, loving and very reliable. However, over time I had to cut her out of my life, and I feel like shit for it.

As a child and teen, I was sexual abused several times, and this caused me to grow up without knowing how to set boundaries for anyone and without knowing how to say no. It's extremely difficult for me to know when someone is just friendly or has another interest in me. Since I started dating my bf, I decided that when in doubt I wouldn't allow new people who become overly friendly to get close. And that's what I did with his cousin, consciously and unconsciously. I know she's just too friendly, likes to touch too much, worries too much, its overly nice, but at some point it became impossible for me to deal with it because was too invasive of my privacy, so I started ignoring her in every way possible, and that created discomfort with everyone including my bf because we are all toghether many times. I feel really insensitive for acting like this, but its beyond my will.

I recently opened up about my past with my bf, trying to explain my shortcomings and actions. He understands better now for sure.

However, I don't know how to repair the relationship with his cousin without telling her the real reason, because I'm not interested in her knowing about it. I don't know how to deal with that disconfort, and how to allow people to be just kind, and stop being the jerk.

I ve been in therapy, it helps understand the why, but not really the how to.

So how wrong am i to deal with someone like that who hasn't done anything wrong?

I tend to cut someone out of my life simply because they were too nice and pleasant to me.

I'm 21M and I've been dating and my partner (24M) for two years and living toghether over a year, and over time I've also become friends with his best friends. This group includes this girl (23F) who is his cousin and they've always been very close.

She's an amazing person, loving and very reliable. However, over time I had to cut her out of my life, and I feel like shit for it.

As a child and teen, I was sexual abused several times, and this caused me to grow up without knowing how to set boundaries for anyone and without knowing how to say no. It's extremely difficult for me to know when someone is just friendly or has another interest in me. Since I started dating my bf, I decided that when in doubt I wouldn't allow new people who become too friendly to get close. And that's what I did with his cousin, consciously and unconsciously. I know she's just too friendly, likes to touch too much, worries too much, its overly nice, but at some poiny it became impossible for me to deal with it, so I started ignoring her in every way possible, and that created discomfort with everyone including my bf. I feel really insensitive for acting like this, but its beyond my will.

I recently opened up about my past with my bf, trying to explain my shortcomings and actions. He understands better now for sure.

However, I don't know how to repair the relationship with his cousin without telling her the real reason, because I'm not interested in her knowing about it. I don't know how to deal with that disconfort, and how to allow people to be just kind.

I ve been in therapy, it helps understand the why, but not really the how to.

I am open to any advice.

Hej alle sammen.

Sorry for writing in English, but it's been ages since I've written in Danish, although I speak it almost fluently, writing it i would certainly make a lot of mistakes! I'm a guy, born in Denmark 21y ago, Danish father and French mother, but I moved to Portugal with my father when I was 11, for various reasons.

I have all three citizenships, but I've only been back to Denmark a few times since then, and the last time was in 2022. Planning to visit again this summer.

The thing ia after so many years, I no longer feel completely Danish nor other nationality tbh. My language skills have also become quite rusty over time. Last time visiting i was asked where i was from (they were guessing sweden or norway i guess 🙄)

So, I'm curious: would you still recognize me as Danish if I ever went back? And if you tried to convince me to move back to Denmark, what would you highlight?

I got nostalgic after listening to Iceage's new songs 😅

I don't know how to answer that question myself.

I was born in Denmark 21y ago. My dad is Danish and my mom French. Spent time in france and sweden many tines.At 11, I moved with my dad to Portugal and have lived here ever since.

I have 3 nationalities, I speak 3 languages ​​fluently, I am almost fluent in two others, and I can understand two more (all European).

So i feel like I don't really belong to any place or country and I don't really know what that means. I don't fully understand or master the culture and customs of any country. When people ask me where I'm from, I never know how to answer and just say Europe.

Now that the World Cup has started, I don't know who to root for 😂

Does anyone else?

Who are you rooting for and why?

I was born in Denmark 21y ago. My dad is Danish and my mom French.

As kid i always spent holidays and summers in France and Sweden. At 11, I moved with my dad to Portugal and have lived here ever since.

I have 3 nationalities, I speak 3 languages ​​fluently, I am almost fluent in two others, and I can understand two more (all European).

However, I feel like I don't really belong to any place or country and I don't really know what that means. I don't fully understand or master the culture and customs of any country. When people ask me where I'm from, I never know how to answer and just say Europe.

Now that the World Cup has started, I don't know who to root for 😂

DAE feel the same? What does that mean to you?

I got curious because some of my posts have been shared many times. But I don't understand the intention or where. Not that it bothers me, just curiosity.

Is there any way to see where they are being shared?

Hi. 21M here.

Some weeks ago, I gained the courage to tell my bf the truth about having suffered sexual abuse when I was younger. I told him because I wanted him to better understand my flaws, and because, having been together for over two years, I trust him completely. He has been amazing.

Now I deeply regret it, not for telling, but the timing of when I did it.

We're both in college, but he's older, and as such, he's finishing his master's thesis. And clearly, all of this has taken his focus away.

To make it worse, he plays soccer, and in the last game, he had a serious injury and will now need surgery, and so he won't be able to play for almost a year. I know how important this is to him and how frustrated he must be, although he doesn't show it. And the summer is ruined.

And I can't help but feel guilty for all of this. I took his focus away, he's more distracted and worried, I took away his rest, with sleepless nights because of my messes.

I don't believe in coincidences, but in consequences, and if I could go back I wouldn't tell everything at the time I did. I would wait.

I feel like a selfish jerk and i don't know how to make up for everything. I regret my timing.

21M here.

It's been a crazy year so far.

I recently told my boyfriend that I have been sexual abused when I was younger. We've been toghether over 2 years and i needed him to know. He has been awesome.

But since then I've discovered more terrible things and lies from my past, more memories arised, and now I regret the time I choose to open up to him because he's very busy with college work, and coincidentally or not, being more distracted and unrest by everything I told him, he suffered in the last game a serious injury playing soccer and will need surgery. I feel i am overwhelming him with problems he doesn't need right now and i regreat my timing. Even though he says all is good i feel so guilty right now.

It's been simply too much to manage. I think i need a hug and someone to tell me that everything will be okay.

Hi. 21M here.

I've been thinking a lot last days that I might have been insensitive toward my partner and fucked up bad.

This year has been crazy and draining so far for me. Couple weeks ago, I gained the courage to tell my bf the truth about having suffered sexual abuse when I was younger. I told him because I wanted him to better understand my flaws, and because, having been together for over two years, and living toghether over a year now, I trust him completely. He has been amazing.

Now I deeply regret it, not for telling, but the timing of when I did it.

We're in college, he's a bit older, and as such, he's finishing his master's thesis. And clearly, all of this has taken his focus away.

To make it worse, he plays college soccer, and in the last game, he had a serious injury and will now need surgery, and so he won't be able to play for almost a year. I know how important this is to him and how frustrated he must be, although he doesn't show it. The summer is ruined.

And I can't help but feel guilty and that i fucked up really bad for all of this. I took his focus away, he's more distracted and worried, I took away his rest, with sleepless nights because of my messes.

If I could go back, no matter how hard, I wouldn't tell everything at the time I did. I would wait. Maybe i was craving for attention and affection, not realizing there was much going on with him too.

I feel like a selfish jerk and i don't know how to make up for everything. IFU.

TL;DR TIFU by revealing sensitive stuff—and at the worst possible moment—thereby potentially overwhelming my partner during a crucial phase of his life?