u/OkSeason8723

21H.Tenho uma dúvida.

Para quem fez dissertação de mestrado, tese de doutoramento, ou equivalente, incluiram o vosso parceiro, namorado ou namorada nos agradecimentos? É suposto ou norma?

Qual teria de ser o tempo da relação para isso ser considerado? 2 anos é suficiente? 5? 10?

Eu ainda não cheguei a essa fase, mas o meu namorado sim.

Hipotéticamente se a vossa cara medate não vos incluísse nos agradecimentos, mas sim família e amigos embora de uma forma genérica, como se sentiriam?

É para um amigo.

EDIT: aparentemente dei a entender que sou eu que estou a escrever a tese. Plot twist...não sou. 😅 É mais ao contrário.

Hi

I've 21M been dating my bf 24M for two years.

At the beginning of the relationship, when talking about what we would like to try, he said he would like a threesome. It didn't go beyond that conversation because I never had any interest or even thought about it. From time to time he made some lil jokes about it but thats all.

Recently our relationship has changed, and for the better i hope, because I was finally able to tell him about the sexual abuse I suffered when I was younger. He has been incredible, understanding and caring, and now understands my triggers in intimacy.

But now i have been thinking that he's probably always thought about the 3some and maybe he thinks there is no chance of it anymore. I don't want this to be a frustration for him, and I'm thinking that maybe I should give it a try and maybe it would be good for the relationship. On the other hand, I'm very nervous and afraid of it. I feel that whichever path we take, the relationship will suffer.

I feel like if ask him now about it, he might tell he is not interested anymore (because of what i shared with him) but i sense that it might be a white lie.

i Am i overthinking this?

TL;DR: i know my bf wants a 3some but i think it would be too much for me, but i want the relationship to endure.

Hi. 21M here.

I recently told my partner about my past of csa / sa at young ages. It was an excellent decision overall and i felt understood.

However, new and terrible memories have surfaced that I was unaware of, and which seem to diminish the importance of what I already knew and told. But I don't know if those new memories are even true.

Right now I'm in a loop of doubt and guilt, feeling like a fraud for over dramatizing and overthinking. I feel like a huge fraud. I feel like crap right now. And its getting worse day by day.

I decided to go back to therapy. But It will be only next week. But until then I don't want to continue in this loop that is wearing me down so much.

Has anyone been through this? How to cope?

Hi. 21M here.

I recently told my boyfriend about my past of csa / sa at young ages. It was an excellent decision overall and i felt understood.

However, new and terrible memories have surfaced that I was unaware of, and which seem to diminish the importance of what I already knew. But I don't know if those new memories are even true.

Right now I'm in a loop of doubt and guilt, feeling like a fraud for over dramatizing and overthinking. I feel like a huge fraud. I feel like crap right now. And its getting worse day by day.

I decided to go back to therapy. But It will be only next week. But until then I don't want to continue in this loop that is wearing me down so much.

Has anyone been through this? How to cope?

A little over a year ago, my friend threw away his life. Without warning, without signs, without goodbye, without explanation, it just happened, on a random monday morning. We were just two 20y boys.

I knew he was going through a hard time, I listened to him several times, I understood him, I tried to help as best I could, but I never imagined what was inside him. He loved life, or so it seemed, much more than I did, or so I thought.

He was a good friend, even without him knowing how much. And it hurts me that despite everything, he never really knew me as I knew him. He never knew about my ghosts as I knew about his, although they were different. And now it's too late.

Now i think I've learned to live with the remorse, the anger has passed.

Over time I've turned this story into one about me and it's consuming me with guilt. Since this happened, my life has completely changed. Something in me has changed forever.

I've finally decided to face my ghosts head-on and walk with them.

With time, I decided to tell my partner about my past. I told the truth about being sexual abused as a child and teenager, and how it affects me today and the person i am.

That is something I never told my friend. Maybe if he knew I was as damaged as he was, he would have thought better of it, or wouldn't feel so alone.

I became a different person, I believe for the better, someone who trusts more in love and kindness. Maybe that was the person he needed back then, and I wasn't?

I feel like my friend's death made me a better person. And I feel like shit for thinking this way and for making this about me.

I think about him everyday.

A little over a year ago, my friend threw away his life. Without warning, without signs, without goodbye, without explanation, it just happened, on a random monday morning. We were just two 20y boys.

I knew he was going through a hard time, I listened to him several times, I understood him, I tried to help as best I could, but I never imagined what was inside him. He loved life, or so it seemed, much more than I did, or so I thought.

He was a good friend, even without him knowing how much. And it hurts me that despite everything, he never really knew me as I knew him. He never knew about my ghosts as I knew about his, although they were different. And now it's too late.

Now I've learned to live with the remorse, the anger has passed.

Over time I've turned this story into one about me and it's consuming me with guilt. Since this happened, my life has completely changed. Something in me has changed forever.

I've finally decided to face my ghosts head-on and walk with them.

With time, I decided to tell my partner about my past. I told him the truth about being abused as a child and teenager, and how it affects me today and the person i am.

Something I never told my friend. Maybe if he knew I was as damaged as he was, he would have thought better of it, or wouldn't feel so alone.

I became a different person, I believe for the better, someone who trusts more in love and kindness. Maybe that was the person he needed back then, and I wasn't?

I feel like my friend's death made me a better person. And I feel like shit for thinking this way and for making this about me.

I think about him every day.

Hi. 21M here.

Last few days have been a rollercoaster. Short history i ve been thru sex abuse as child and teen, years ago, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything of it to my partner. We bonded and we are more intimate than ever. I am feeling relieved and really happy.

The problem is, since i told it, it is like something new opened in my brain and i am having this new terrible memories that i wasn't aware till now from the abuse as child. Like flashbacks. They are terrible and even come with physical pain. And i am freeking out cause i am scared it won't stop.

I though it would be better to tell but now i am not sure, cause i don't want to remember anything else.

Anybody been there? How did you cope besides therapy?

Any advice?

Hi. 21M here.

I've been thru sexual abuse as child and teen, years ago, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything of it to my partner. We bonded and we are more intimate than ever. I am feeling relieved and really happier.

The problem is, since i told it, it is like something new opened in my brain and i am having this new terrible memories that i wasn't aware till now from the abuse as child. Like flashbacks. They are terrible and even come with physical pain. And i am freeking out cause i am scared it won't stop.

I though it would be better to tell but now i am not sure, cause i don't want to remember anything else.

Anybody been there? How did you cope besides therapy?

Any advice?

Hi. 21M here.

Last few days have been a rollercoaster. Short history i ve been thru sex abuse as child and teen, years ago, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything of it to my partner. We bonded and we are more intimate than ever. I am feeling relieved and really happy.

The problem is, since i told it, it is like something new opened in my brain and i am having this new terrible memories that i wasn't aware till now from the abuse as child. Like flashbacks. They are terrible and even come with physical pain. And i am freeking out cause i am scared it won't stop.

I though it would be better to tell but now i am not sure, cause i don't want to remember anything else.

Anybody been there? How did you cope besides therapy?

Any advice?

Hi.

Last few days have been a rollercoaster. I went thru sex abuse as child and teen, years ago, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything of it to my partner. We bonded and we are more intimate than ever.

The problem is, since i told it, i wasn't able to reach the orgasm. I am more sensible and aware of the intimacy and everything else works just fine, but i can't reach the orgasm...and i am freeking out!

Am i overthinking it and time will solve it?

Any advice?

Hi.

M21.

Last few days have been a rollercoaster. I went thru sex abuse as child and teen years ago, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything of it to my partner. We bonded and we are more intimate than ever.

The problem is, since i told it, i wasn't able to reach the orgasm. I am more sensible and aware of the intimacy and everything works just fine, but i can't orgasm...and i am freeking out!

Looking for some guidance. What is wrong?

Any advice?

Hi.

M21.

Last few days have been a rollercoaster. I am a survivor of sex abuse as child and teen, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything to my partner. We bonded and are more intimate than ever.

The problem is, since i told i wasn't able to reach the orgasm. I am more sensible and aware of the intimacy and everything works just fine, but i can't orgasm...and i am freeking out!

What is wrong?

Any advice?

Hi.

M21.

Last few days have been a rollercoaster. I am a survivor of sexual abuse as child and teen, and very recently i reach a milestone in my life, being finally able to tell everything to my partner. We bonded and are more intimate than ever.

The problem is, since i told i wasn't able to reach the orgasm. I am more sensible and aware of the intimacy and everything works fine, but can't orgasm...and i am freeking out!

Any advice?

Hello. 21M.

I am dealing with a moral dilemma, and i recived different opinions, and still looking for inputs.

I was raised only by my father, after my mom left home. Eventually my dad started a new relationship when i was 13. My stepmom had a previuos child as well, a girl 3y older.

Now i am 21 and she is 24, and i think she might be a covert narcissist person (i've made some research), and i don't know how to cope with it.

She dumped college, and now dumped a relationship as well, and everytime the blame is on others never on her.

She often blamed me for her flaws or bad luck, cause i was a trouble kid (been thru child abuse so i went to therapy for a while), and she said se didn't get the attention she needed as teen. I don't believe its true now. She blames my dad and her mother for anything and everything and tries to manipulate them on everything, what they should eat, think, because she knows better. Dam she blames the world when there is not enough sunny days or not enough rain...its exhausting.

She can be very toxic sometimes and mean, and everytime we engage in some argument she just starts crying, and i just stop. She is always the victim.

I tried to raise the need of her to get help, but no therapist would understand her (her words).

We are not that close anymore, but i care somehow about her anyway, and i like to think she does too, after all we grew up together for a part of our lives. She used to be like a role model to me when younger. She was cool smart very aware of life in general. But with time i changed my views. Everytime she calls me she never asks how i am doing...its always about her, her problems, and she speaks about it hours. Its like a loop. At some point i even convinced myself she was my responsability. But not anymore.

The last drop was last weekend. I keep inviting her to join me and do stuff. So i invited her to attend a music concert. She accepted. After i realized she was mad and asked why (Instant regret). So she was mad cause i went with my parter (and she is single now), and couple friends ( that she dislikes i guess), but the point is she knew already who was going. Wtf. So i told her to fuck off, but i am feeling guilty now.

I am thinking that is the best way its cut her off. But is that moral? Is it not giving up if she is really sick?

Where is the breaking point?

Can it be only a character flaw? I know narcissism is an health issue, but maybe she is just mean or in a bad phase.

AIO?

Hello.

For context i was raised only by my father, after my mom left home. Eventually my dad started a new relationship when i was 13. My stepmom had a previuos child as well, a girl 3y older.

Now i am 21 and she is 24, and i think she might be a covert narcissist person (i've made some research), and i don't know how to cope with it.

"Did WWIII started already? Cause i am tired of living like this".

This sentence she keeps repeating haunts me and make me believe she is trully evil and non emphatic at all.

She dumped college, and now dumped a relationship as well, and everytime the blame is on others never on her.

She, many times, blamed me for her flaws or bad luck, cause i was a trouble kid (been thru csa so i went to therapy for a while), and she said se didn't get the attention she needed as teen. I don't believe its true. She blames my dad and her mother for anything and everything. Dam she blames the world when there is not enough sunny days or not enough rain...its exhausting.

She can be very toxic sometimes and mean, and everytime we engage in some argument she just starts crying, and i just stop. She is always the victim.

And now, she is manipulating and influencing my father and stepmother's lives. She's trying to influence all their choices, from what they should and can eat, what they should wear, how they should think, and this is creating discomfort. Cause she always knows better.

I tried to raise the need of her to get help, but no therapist would understand her (her words).

We are not that close anymore, but i care somehow about her anyway, and i like to think she does too, after all we grew up together. She used to be like a role model to me when younger. She was cool very aware of life in general. But with time i changed my views. Everytime she calls me she never asks how i am doing...its always about her, her problems, and she speaks about it hours. Its like a loop.

So i am thinking and that the best way is to cut her off. But is that moral? Is it not giving up?

Where is the breaking point, where i will not be blamed or feel guilt?

Can it be only a character flaw? I know narcissism is an health issue, but maybe she is just mean.

I really need some advice here cause its draining my energy.

EDIT: english is not my mother language, hence the mistake between step-sister and half-sister. It means the same to me. Sorry bout that.

Hello.

For context i was raised only by my father, after my mom left home. Eventually my dad started a new relationship when i was 13. My stepmom had a previuos child as well, a girl 3y older.

Now i am 21 and she is 24, and i think she might be a covert narcissist person (i've made some research), and i don't know how to cope with it.

She dumped college, and now dumped a relationship as well, and everytime the blame is on others never on her.

She, many times, blamed me for her flaws or bad luck, cause i was a trouble kid (been thru csa so i went to therapy for a while), and she said se didn't get the attention she needed as teen. I don't believe its true. She blames my dad and her mother for anything and everything. Dam she blames the world when there is not enough sunny days or not enough rain...its exhausting.

She can be very toxic sometimes and mean, and everytime we engage in some argument she just starts crying, and i just stop. She is always the victim. It is always bad luck or so.

And now, she is manipulating and influencing my father and stepmother's lives. She's trying to influence all their choices, from what they should and can eat, what they should wear, how they should think, and this is creating discomfort. Cause she always knows better.

I tried to raise the need of her to get help, but no therapist would understand her (her words).

We are not that close anymore, but i care somehow about her anyway, and i like to think she does too, after all we grew up together. She used to be like a role model to me when younger. She was cool very aware of life in general. But with time i changed my views. Everytime she calls me she never asks how i am doing...its always about her, her problems, and she speaks about it hours. Its like a loop.

So i am thinking and was adviced that the best way is to cut her off. But is that moral? Is it not giving up? After all is familly.

Where is the breaking point, where i will not be blamed or feel guilt?

Can it be only a character flaw? I know narcissism is an health issue. So is it moral if i just don't try to help anymore?

I really need some advice here.

Hello.

For context i was raised only by my father, after my mom left home. Eventually my dad started a new relationship when i was 13. My stepmom had a previuos child as well, a girl 3y older.

Now i am 21 and she is 24, and i think she might be a covert narcissist person (i've made some research), and i don't know how to cope with it.

She dumped college, and now dumped a relationship as well, and everytime the blame is on others never on her.

She, many times, blamed me for her flaws or bad luck, cause i was a trouble kid (been thru csa so i went to therapy for a while), and she said se didn't get the attention she needed as teen. I don't believe its true. She blames my dad and her mother for anything and everything. Dam she blames the world when there is not enough sunny days or not enough rain...its exhausting.

She can be very toxic sometimes and mean, and everytime we engage in some argument she just starts crying, and i just stop. She is always the victim. It is always bad luck or so.

And now, she is manipulating and influencing my father and stepmother's lives. She's trying to influence all their choices, from what they should and can eat, what they should wear, how they should think, and this is creating discomfort. Cause she always knows better.

I tried to raise the need of her to get help, but no therapist would understand her (her words).

We are not that close anymore, but i care somehow about her anyway, and i like to think she does too, after all we grew up together. She used to be like a role model to me when younger. She was cool very aware of life in general. But with time i changed my views. Everytime she calls me she never asks how i am doing...its always about her, her problems, and she speaks about it hours. Its like a loop.

So i am thinking and was adviced that the best way is to cut her off. But is that moral? Is it not giving up? After all is familly.

Where is the breaking point, where i will not be blamed or feel guilt?

Can it be only a character flaw? I know narcissism is an health issue. So is it moral if i just don't try to help anymore?

I really need some advice here.

Hello.

For context i was raised only by my father, after my mom left home. Eventually my dad started a new relationship when i was 13. My stepmom had a previuos child as well, a girl 3y older.

Now i am 21 and she is 24, and i think she might be a covert narcissist person (i've made some research), and i don't know how to cope with it.

She dumped college, and now dumped a relationship as well, and everytime the blame is on others never on her.

She, many times, blames me for her flaws, cause i was a trouble kid (been thru csa so i went to therapy for a while), and she said se didn't get the attention she needed as teen. I don't believe its true. She blames my dad and her mother. Dam she blames the world when there is not enough sunny days or not enough rain...its exhausting.

She can be very toxic sometimes, and everytime we engage in some argument she just starts crying, and i just stop. She is always the victim.

And now, she is manipulating and influencing my father and stepmother's lives. She's trying to influence all their choices, from what they should and can eat, what they should wear, how they should think, and this is creating discomfort. Cause she allways knows better.

We are not that close at all, but i care somehow about her anyway, after all we grew up together. I fear she might get a depression. And it is not like i can dump her.

How can i help in this situation? I am getting angry on her.

Hello.

For context i was raised only by my father, after my mom left home. Eventually my dad started a new relationship when i was 13. My stepmom had a previuos child as well, a girl 3y older.

Now i am 21 and she is 24, and i think she might be a covert narcissist person (i've made some research), and i don't know how to cope with it.

She dumped college, and now dumped a relationship as well, and everytime the blame is on others never on her.

She blames me for her flaws, cause i was a trouble kid (been thru some shit and did therapy for a while), and she said se didn't get the attention she needed as teen. I don't believe its true. She blames the world when there is not enough sunny days or not enough rain...its exhausting.

She can be very toxic sometimes, and everytime we engage in some argument she just starts crying, and i just stop. She is always the victim.

And now, she is trying and influencing my father and stepmother's lives. She's trying to influence all their choices, from what they should and can eat, what they should wear, how they should think, and this is creating discomfort.

We are not that closed at all, but i care somehow about her anyway, after all we grew up together. I fear she might get a depression. And it is not like i can dump her.

How can i help in this situation? I am getting angry on her sometimes.

TL;DR - i think my half sister is a covert narcissist and i am having a hard time dealing with it.

Happy mother's day.

Hello. 21M from the EU

Yesterday was Mother's Day here and it's always a tough day for me.

My mother suffered from postpartum depression and never bonded with me. Later, upon discovering that someone she trusted had hurt me, she couldn't cope. She left home when I was 11y, 10y ago.

My father has always been incredible, I have good friends, kind off a normal life. I'm happy at college and I've met someone very special in the meantime.

This past week, I finally heard from her. She contacted me to talk and meet, and after much thought, I accepted. However, on the day, she canceled, and I went back to that black hole. But it's better now, and I've decided to move on, again, but for good.

I know it's stupid, because I have everything to be happy, but there are days when I feel a silly fear of being abandoned by everyone. Eventually, it fades, but sometimes it reappears on rough days. I know that one day it won't come anymore.

What I wanted to say is, mothers are amazing (of course fathers are too, but yesterday was their day 😅).

So happy Mother's Day ( with some delay 😇) and congratulations on being so great.

I hope to be a good father someday as well.

Thank you for helping strangers in this virtual world.