u/MonkPlane1734

Its like everytime im sure im over her , shes suddenly there again. Shes caused me a lot of trouble therefore I have been hating on her and enjoying my life . I feel comfortable that im not in her life now, like I dont crave her eventhough I do think of her.

I clicked on a random Instagram post on my for you page today and saw something very obscure that we both know about . It was the second square on the page and I was scrolling the images , the last image was her favourite book that she was telling me about . I dont read much so it was random for me to scroll this ..

Very unbelievable.

Im 32 years old . Ive had a few women in my life..

I think my autism makes me sometimes like women who are bad for me and its almost got me into trouble a few times.

I get overwhelmed when women who like me flirt with me ..

I had a relationship once and i rightfully didn't like the person who I was with.

Im not against people choosing a path of religion but I believe most religions go against my autistic needs . My mind thinks almost everything is a cult. But its ironic cause some of my hyper fixations can be cult focused or cult like

White men live very comfortable lives even when they have victim mentality.

They may not be directly racist by showing hate, but racist by being ignorant of their privileges. I had to walk away from a friendship because of this.

I know white women can be racist on their own but quite a lot of cases theyre inherently racist or affiliated cause of racist insecure white men.

I honestly thought I used to have bpd . But Ive spent enough time around those who have to think "i dont do that" or "i don't think like that"

I used to have uncontrollable anger issues but grew out of it over time with age . I do have autism.. im annoyed cause i feel like with my autism I attract a lot of bpd friends and they aline with me not talking to neurotypicals .

Like i generally get along with a lot of people with mental health disorders . Depending on their awareness I do have my limits. I think some people go too far especially if they have a attention seeking disorder, or just too needy .. decent mentally ill people do have their limits about how they treat others and I think im one of them ..

I do suffer from depression and paranoia at times

Its nothing against anyone at the party , I feel the happy vibe generally and like that everyone is having fun and enjoying themselves.

I think it triggers a weird nostalgia in my mind and uncontrollable thoughts just run through my head . It doesn't show to people around me.

Its like alcohol triggers longing suddenly

Compaired to other cluster b disorders.

Like theyre seen as misunderstood people that need love , . I agree to an extent .

I believe everyone deserves some sort of compassion.

Its ironic, cause with some pwbpd when they love you they drain you and harm you , even if its unintentional.

They may come to realise that they did you harm but its always too late ..

Like why do they go too far with the harm if they "care" about you .

Im very confused.

A lot of people with bpd have experienced narc abuse .

Bpd and covert narcissism share traits and they get described very similarly . Im personally seeing some differences but then I get confused.

I believe those with bpd feel pressure more not to be so emotional but get overwhelmed and sometimes generally want to connect with people but very dysfunction in how to connect with others..

I think covert narcs use vulnerability for self gain more.

Im not sure how to differentiate the two disorders with some people that ive met

29 for me

Ive dated a few times and gotten close to some women. The last time when I was in a relationship I bumped into an ex lover whilst I was on a date with my ex partner. It was so awkward. My ex got jealous like it was my fault and my other ex looked jealous too when she spotted me.

I recently liked someone that also liked me . It had to end unfortunately.. honestly I really liked her . Its been months since I last spoke to her and its unlikely that I can be in her life . I didn't fall out with her , its just circumstances. Im now kinda worried about moving on from her and then bumping into her whilst im dating someone new ..

I know therapy ! But I care about hurting ex lovers.

Maybe im just not ready yet ..

Its been months now. It feels like she's trying to talk to me to remind me about our times together . I keep dreaming about having very specific conversations with her about actual things we did together .. its been 7 nights so far , every night a dream about her .

Other than that, the day that I walked out of her life I remember dreaming about her telling me that she loves me and really holding on to me .

I dont know what to do , I love that woman .

Especially if youre the fp .. I know that they cant help with their black and white thinking. Things dont always add up in their head or they think their mannerisms are normal..

I used to not mind my friend being a bit dramatic until she over exaggerated her last problem to me and some other people . I was the only person that really saw that she was being a problem.. without sounding rude her other friends dont have the conscience to understand that shes problematic and theres a reason for that..

Ive noticed from day one and opened told her that shes toxic and its never been a problem . I didn't define her with her disorder. Shes well aware of her actions having an impact on her friends .. not saying this should be a reason to reconnect but I feel bad knowing she does take in that shes fucked up and people leave because of it ..

Personally I dont see her as dangerous but immature and shallow like she splits into a teenager.. I dont know if its cause I could always read her that I was step ahead of her .. she was manipulative but she didn't think that I could outsmart her, like she forgot that I could really pick up on things .

I generally cared about this person and I feel like i have the right to let her know that she has caused me some harm by being a careless friend.

I feel like if I ever saw her again I wish I could just tell her that she drove me insane from the last time I saw her and call it a day.

I still dont want to talk to her .

Every night shes made an appearance in my dreams . I think i know why ive dreamt of her during this time of year . I have mixed feelings for her and a reason to be against her right now , ive been there for her a lot and she is definitely my number one. But there is a obstacle that stops me from being around her . And also the fact that she has a partner

I don't know what to do as I keep dreaming about her lately

I was closeted when I was a teenager, but I was one of the suspects. One of my guy "friends" basically used to bully me cause I didn't have a crush on any of the boys at school. Ten years later he has a long term male partner. I haven't seen this friend in person for years. Another gay guy friend used to criticise when I was talking to a woman later on in my life, but I never criticised his relationship with his partner.

But even today some of my female friends pull jokes at me for being a total lesbian , and they swung both ways , including when they liked me .

Maybe ive just had a bad experience cause some other lesbians ive met seem to have a healthy life and fit in

Maybe its projection . Without sounding arrogant I do get a fair amount of female attention. Its put me in an awkward feeling cause I feel like I was one of the most bullied gays when I was younger and its made me a bit insecure with other gay peers especially when they dont have empathy

I really love power, 80s, speed, neo classical, epic metal type genres.

Cause you dont grow from a narcissistic trauma bond . A twinflame connection is very different cause theres no enabling involved. Ive connected with a narcissist romantically and its not like twinflame. My twin genuinely loves me. Our likes and dislikes that we have in common arnt forced on its all synchronicities. Its all telepathic not gaslighting

I have with more than one pwbpd. Twice they were my potential love interest,.

My first love interest didn't go that deep. But I remember it being fatal as I fell in love with her and she was in denial with her feelings for me. I knew she liked me , but when i confessed she kinda just ran away . I felt very emotionally confused for about 2 years

My second love interest l was basically liking someone I couldn't have as she has a partner. It was too much to deal with and she wanted me at family events. Her partner knew she liked me .. it was becoming weird and cult like so I ran for it , though I found it hard at first . I really badly didn't want her to be someone that I'd fall out with , it just had to be that way . The messed up thing us that her partner wasnt her fp and I feel like she was using me to benefit her relationship in some ways. She was attempting to make it poly but often forgot that I was my own person and very different to her partner so she used to compare us or say that we were the same to make it work for her . I think she knew eventually that she was being problematic. I kinda let her know that she was being messed up in the end. I feel very messed up after this friendship, not just by her alone though. I think a lot comes into it

Ive met other people who are a lot worse with their bpd .

I feel like im a magnet for these sorts of people and I dont know why ? They always approach me, I always crack in the end though