u/EtmopterusPerryi

Trying to figure out how to word this request but I'm in high school and I need to look into starting college soon. I don't really know how college works but I want to set myself up for success or something or at least make it easier trying to plan ahead of time.

I'm entering a career in what I've spent my life struggling in, and entirely neglecting what comes easy to me because I think I'd be miserable surrounding my life around it. I guess it makes sense for careers but it applies to my hobbies too and it's making me depressed because it feels like I can't call my interests actually interests if the knowledge doesn't come easy and automatically to me. I don't think I'm dumb, there are niches and complicated subjects that I can super easily understand but it's so frustrating because it's nothing I care about. I don't understand why I don't just go into studies for said subjects because it'd make it so much easier on myself. I feel like I'm just complicating life.

There are two hoodies that I like, two pairs of shirts, and two pairs of pants, one of which I shouldn't wear out and about because they're pajama pants. I struggle with laundry so I end up washing the small cluster of clothes so I don't have to do a whole lot of laundry and then I'm repeatedly wearing the same outfits over and over. I have a whole other wardrobe of clothes that I need to wear, I don't get why it's such a pain.

When I don't have a schedule forced on me I spend my time sleeping. It feels like it's all I can bring myself to do. I can't bring myself to eat until I'm literally forced because it feels like I'm exerting so much effort to do so and I don't understand it. It's not depression, I'm not really sad and I'm on welbutrin, it's just like some perceived exhaustion stemming from nothing. My body and my mind feels hot and heavy and it feels like someone put a microwaved 50lb weighted blanket on me. At the same time, when I do develop a schedule and something goes wrong or doesn't go as planned it's like my brain shuts/breaks down. I hate being remotely late or too early and it's led to bad breakdowns or almost throwing up or something.

It's weird. I get pinky toes but not my fingers man. Give me the length back.

My chest is their favorite pillow as much as it's their favorite scratching post 😭 I like letting my cat lay on my chest but I feel like I need to wear armor whenever I do or I'll come out of it with ten years taken off my lifespan.

I feel bad but sometimes it feels like everything she does frustrates me. She's often loud or makes these noises that make my prick. I try not to repeatedly ask so I just leave the room. It is like everything she does overwhelms me and I don't know what to do because it makes it hard to hang out with her. My dad was pretty the same when I was younger, he really didn't like a lot of noise, so I worry maybe it rubbed off on him. We're constantly conflicting about schedules and routines and it feels like she messes up my routines and it's insanely frustrating. She constantly has us do things unscheduled or on a whim and doesn't ever give me time estimations. I don't know how to handle it.

If this is not the right place I'll delete the post. I'm making paints with acrylic paint on denim. I've seen people mention that after it's dried, you can put parchment paper over and iron it to seal it for washing. Has anyone tried this?

In my gallery it's normal but when I post it's like. 2x2 pixels. :(

I'm clinically diagnosed with ADHD and along with taking ADHD meds I'm taking mood stabilizers thrice a day edit: along with antidepressants. I'm 17 so I understand hormones probably have an affect on me but it feels like I'm constantly on a pendulum swinging back and forth between extremely overstimulated and unable to talk to people to entirely content and soo nonchalant, and from excited about everything to do with living to unable to get out of my bed or see a successful future for myself, and from loving people and humanity to hating them to an almost violent degree. It makes me feel like I can't be a consistent person and it's so tiring. I don't know how to deal with it and learn to cope if it's constantly changing and I don't know what I'm coping with. One moment it's one problem, one moment another, and then there's nothing wrong with life and I'm the happiest person in existence. I can't keep up with myself. Sometimes it lasts weeks and sometimes it changes within a night. I feel crazy going from breaking down to silly and happy and my grandma compared me to Buffalo bill at some point for it ?? Or something. Its frustrating.