u/Top-Cap-5021

I feel like I can’t function without meds as someone who was late-diagnosed. Without meds, it’s always me masking 24/7 until I go into burnout and all I can focus on is school and work. I was on a non-stimulant, but it gave me bad side effects (I was on Strattera; it helped with my executive functioning but that was it), so I stopped taking it. I wanted to try a stimulant, but they’re requiring testing for it, which means I can’t use mary j anymore. Idk what to do cuz I wanna learn how to unmask, but I feel like I literally can’t unmask w/o substances, but I also can’t use anything because I’m going to be tested. I’m a junior in college and classes start on Monday. I also am working while in school to save up money, and I didn’t realize how extensive the ADHD process is, cuz I originally just got diagnosed through an app like ZocDoc.

I’ve tried adderal before twice and it helped a lot with my anxiety and executive dysfunction as well, but the crash was really bad.

I was downstairs, washing the dishes, when he began to tap on a cyclical object (i forgot exactly what they’re called; it’s kinda like a gong but softer) but he was hitting it basically, telling me how there were evil spirits around. i didn’t mind it until he was chanting “free (my name) from evil spirits! free (wife name) from evil spirits”. like idk that’s weird right? i feel like once he said that, i got pissed, cuz why are you only talking about us? why not you too? why is it only us? idk it feels like he’s trying to insinuate indirectly that we’re the problem, but i could be reaching.

this isn’t the first time something like this has happened btw. another time a month ago, i was in the E.R. and a few days later, when i changed my mind on wanting to hang out with my dad and i chose to spend time alone, he was convinced there were evil spirits in me and got on top of me for a few seconds trying to cleanse them out.

like im not crazy for thinking that ts is weird, right? like my dad pays for my education and housing (im a junior in college), so i feel extreme guilt a lot of times cuz i feel so uncomfortable around my dad, but then shit like this happens or just him telling me to be myself, then taking my moms side. same with my mom. i’m uncomfortable around her too, but it’s just cuz she’s controlling (im turning 20 in two weeks but i remember a few months ago, my mom forcing me to come back home so she could “approve” of the clothes i was going to wear on vacation w/ my cousins. she’s still like this with my college shit too and everyone just says she’s overprotective.)

I’ve noticed the more I’ve been learning to unmask slowly, the more I detest shows with a laugh track, but especially the ones where they’re making fun of the characters in the show. I grew up high-masking, so whenever I was burnt out, I’d just put on an old show from my childhood, and I would think it was “funny”, but I kinda wasn’t really watching it like that.

Now that I’m learning to unmask, I can’t bear to watch shows like that. They just feel so hurtful. I know it’s supposed to be “comedy”, but I don’t understand what is so funny about doing painful actions or making cruel jokes. This made me realize or question: is that how people who don’t have ADHD are like? This is especially because most people just take it as a joke, so I’m thinking that’s why growing up, I was always called overly sensitive (and I believed it too). I still lowkey feel like I’m sensitive (maybe it’s cuz I just got diagnosed a few months ago when I was 19).

i feel like this is the first time i’m discovering this, despite probably having this for years where my ears like to make a crackle sound every time i move my jaw or yawn.

how fast do parking passes go? i have enough money to purchase one for this fall semester rn, but not enough rn to purchase one for spring semester (i will in a few weeks). for reference, im a junior but staying at UV.

My birthday is the 31st of this month and I always dread it every year. I feel like it’s cuz I’ve always had an expectation on how birthdays should go, not to mention the fact that I grew up with strict parents, and still had to be supervised on my birthday before at 17 (and wore clothes approved by them). Now I’d rather not let anyone know about my birthday and just spend the whole day alone.

Did anyone else never have an imaginary friend growing up? I could never believe in them for no reason. Same with stuff like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy; I found out super early who they were and wasn’t upset or hurt by it. In fact, I was telling my friend who they were and we didn’t speak for 2 months bc of it back in 4th grade.

I’m almost 20 years old F and my parents constantly try to control my life, moreso my mom (she’s told me before that i’m a reflection of her). She still likes to dictate what I do with my hair, down to always calling it dirty, unkempt, etc, as well as my outfits. She constantly has to assess what I wear before I go back to school to see if they’re appropriate and I never get a say in it. She always likes to say how people notice when stuff doesn’t look right and that everyone is just secretly judging me and talking about me. I feel like she’s honestly hated me, but every time I give her the benefit of the doubt, I just get proven why I don’t trust her.

My dad I feel like he just switches up depending on his mood. Like he’ll say that I need to be locked up and sent to an institution, then five minutes later tell me how I’m so different and mature. Like my mom, he also wants to make sure I’m looking presentable before leaving the house. Always checking my outfit, asking if I’m wearing a bra, etc.

I was gonna wait until next summer to start saving, but this summer proved I literally can’t go back home. I couldn’t find a job at all, and my parents would constantly complain, but then when I’d get interviews at certain jobs, they’d shoot those down cuz they’re the lowest of the low type of jobs or I’d try DoorDash and then immediately I’m told I can only do it if I pay my own car insurance. I just hate how they track my location because idk how I would be able to secretly move out (plus I don’t even have my dad’s location and he’s usually always home).

I’m almost 20 years old F and my parents constantly try to control my life, moreso my mom (she’s told me before that i’m a reflection of her). She still likes to dictate what I do with my hair, down to always calling it dirty, unkempt, etc, as well as my outfits. She constantly has to assess what I wear before I go back to school to see if they’re appropriate and I never get a say in it. She always likes to say how people notice when stuff doesn’t look right and that everyone is just secretly judging me and talking about me. I feel like she’s honestly hated me, but every time I give her the benefit of the doubt, I just get proven why I don’t trust her.

My dad I feel like he just switches up depending on his mood. Like he’ll say that I need to be locked up and sent to an institution, then five minutes later tell me how I’m so different and mature. Like my mom, he also wants to make sure I’m looking presentable before leaving the house. Always checking my outfit, asking if I’m wearing a bra, etc.

I was gonna wait until next summer to start saving, but this summer proved I literally can’t go back home. I couldn’t find a job at all, and my parents would constantly complain, but then when I’d get interviews at certain jobs, they’d shoot those down cuz they’re the lowest of the low type of jobs or I’d try DoorDash and then immediately I’m told I can only do it if I pay my own car insurance. I just hate how they track my location because idk how I would be able to secretly move out (plus I don’t even have my dad’s location and he’s usually always home).

And how is it different from ghosting? I’ve seen some people say how it’s an act of self-love when one chooses to do a silent cut-off, especially when it comes to neurodivergent ppl (I, myself, also have ADHD) and I’ve seen many do a silent-cut off. I was only recently diagnosed a few months ago at 19 with ADHD, so I’ve been masking my whole life lowkey, but I thought it was normal that you should tell people when you don’t want to be friends anymore rather than to just ghost them.

i was told by the doctor i don’t have asthma but i might seek a second opinion. i’m turning 20 this year and ever since i was 15, i have been coughing up mucus every time after i laugh. it’s really frustrating.

i love how most of my chart is just mercury and earth lmao.

i feel like i really suck at manifesting. might’ve been cuz i was masking my whole life bc of undiagnosed adhd so now im trying to uncover my inner self or bc of dysregulated nervous system idk:

i’m 19 f turning 20 in a month. i’m grateful that my parents are paying for my education and housing and everything, but it feels like there are just strings attached. and it feels like i can’t really complain about it. the moment ppl find out my parents are paying, it’s like everything else goes out the window.

my money is constantly monitored and my parents always ask how much money is in my account. they always say to not use my money and to use theirs, but then will switch up sometimes and say i should just use my own money. my location is always monitored too and when at home, i have to always let them know who i’m hanging out with, where, etc. with my curfew being 12.

it’s not really those stuff that bother me so much as just the way that they act. i decided to stay at a friend’s house w/o their permission, and instead of my mom talking to me, she just kept ignoring me and would sneak off to different locations in the house to talk shit abt me. not only that, but she’s just controlling in general. she doesn’t like that i had piercings that i paid for (i don’t have any rn), dyed hair that i paid for, locs that aren’t retwisted constantly, etc. even down to clothing, she’s taken clothes away from me before because i got them as gifts and “we don’t take clothes from other ppl” according to her and will always need to approve what i wear before i go back to school.

my dad just likes to talk shit abt my mom and will vent to me abt her (i told him i didn’t want to talk abt it anymore and closed the door in front of him and im kinda just convinced he hates me now). he pays a lot for me financially, which im grateful for, but it’s hard for me to like him with how he acts (and it makes me feel like a burden cuz all ppl see is how he pays for my stuff). like he’s told me before how ppl who commit are selfish despite the fact that i’ve attempted before (and he got mad at me for attempting, saying “what will the neighbors think”). he’s told me that i need to be locked up in an institution and then two days later, said how im so mature and ive “changed”. one time when i didn’t want to spend time with him, he was convinced there were evil spirits in me and tried to get on me to get the spirits out of me.

my therapist definitely supports me trying to be financially independent (and i will be starting this fall. i have a job near my uni and i alr pay for some stuff alr by myself, but i want more control obviously) and she thinks my parents are emotionally immature, but i still just feel so much guilt, like it’s all my fault and im not doing enough, but then i also think back to when i was a kid, and how it took me nearly 20 years to just get diagnosed with ADHD, how i had health problems ignored as a child, getting spanked for losing my glasses, getting yelled at for being hungry, etc.

i’m 19 f turning 20 in a month. i’m grateful that my parents are paying for my education and housing and everything, but it feels like there are just strings attached. and it feels like i can’t really complain about it. the moment ppl find out my parents are paying, it’s like everything else goes out the window.

my money is constantly monitored and my parents always ask how much money is in my account. they always say to not use my money and to use theirs, but then will switch up sometimes and say i should just use my own money. my location is always monitored too and when at home, i have to always let them know who i’m hanging out with, where, etc. with my curfew being 12.

it’s not really those stuff that bother me so much as just the way that they act. i decided to stay at a friend’s house w/o their permission, and instead of my mom talking to me, she just kept ignoring me and would sneak off to different locations in the house to talk shit abt me. not only that, but she’s just controlling in general. she doesn’t like that i had piercings that i paid for (i don’t have any rn), dyed hair that i paid for, locs that aren’t retwisted constantly, etc. even down to clothing, she’s taken clothes away from me before because i got them as gifts and “we don’t take clothes from other ppl” according to her and will always need to approve what i wear before i go back to school.

my dad just likes to talk shit abt my mom and will vent to me abt her (i told him i didn’t want to talk abt it anymore and closed the door in front of him and im kinda just convinced he hates me now). he pays a lot for me financially, which im grateful for, but it’s hard for me to like him with how he acts (and it makes me feel like a burden cuz all ppl see is how he pays for my stuff). like he’s told me before how ppl who commit are selfish despite the fact that i’ve attempted before (and he got mad at me for attempting, saying “what will the neighbors think”). he’s told me that i need to be locked up in an institution and then two days later, said how im so mature and ive “changed”. one time when i didn’t want to spend time with him, he was convinced there were evil spirits in me and tried to get on me to get the spirits out of me.

my therapist definitely supports me trying to be financially independent (and i will be starting this fall. i have a job near my uni and i alr pay for some stuff alr by myself, but i want more control obviously) and she thinks my parents are emotionally immature, but i still just feel so much guilt, like it’s all my fault and im not doing enough, but then i also think back to when i was a kid, and how it took me nearly 20 years to just get diagnosed with ADHD, how i had health problems ignored as a child, getting spanked for losing my glasses, getting yelled at for being hungry, etc.