For example... Weird but it just happened so:

A song is playing but it keeps finishing too early as it's just a clip.

When it cuts off at the end. My body like took it as something is wrong with me. Like I'm about to get the spotlight effect on me and other people will feel the same internal reaction I feel. I feel like I need to solve it for everyone almost. On some hidden energetic scale.

(Also side note: did anyone smoke lots of weed during their formative cptsd years and now if you smoke it it brings up all that reacted state? it does for me but i feel like theres a way to process my emotions and use it as a tool here, like i activate this nervous system and instead its time for me to tend to it instead of trying to get past it asap)

What do you think of this quote?

I feel quite literally like my entire previous life - for the most part (including where I grew up, family, peers...)

I've had to leave it all behind. None of it was me. It was all a lesson.
(it was extremely toxic, dysfunctional and not healthy btw I am blessed to be gone, if you have a good family etc then more power to you)

But I'm going through this now, truly feel like I'm on the right path and everything in the past was meant to be to bring me here. Though I must detach from it all, there's no point relating to my past self as he was stuck and in pain. I must let it all go

I can see places of yoga and stuff but not real places for meditation apart from a buddhist place which would be good but honestly my spanish is just not good enough yet and wouldn't want to be a issue in a place like that. One day I'll attend though with a spanish friend I plan :)

Does a "Dark Night Of The Soul" feel like God has left you / spiritual presence have left?

I've felt so connected to a higher power, God, energy, force, nature, universe for so long in my life. Many moments feeling like a message has been sent. A nod to me. Crazy things happening it's almost unbelievable to myself.

I've also been on a bit of a ride in life. Rough upbringing. CPTSD. Blah blah blah. It's lead me on a spiritual path for sure. I feel in a huge process right now going through life changes. Taking off the mask I wore for a decade. By myself in a foreign country building things back up in my 30s. I can see/feel growth is there day by day.

Yet...

I do not feel God with me or a spiritual power almost guiding me like I have before. It's really tough in general but this on top feels like I've done something wrong and been left. IDK. I just started reading up about Dark Night Of The Soul and sounded like it connected.

I'm catching on to some finger picking

Still takes me a few seconds to line up my fingers everywhere when playing each chord

Let alone when going from chord to chord...

Any advice or is it just keep going?

Also pushing down the fingers hard enough in the right place so it doesn't clank and pluck the chord almost

Does a "Dark Night Of The Soul" feel like God has left you / spiritual presence have left?

I've felt so connected to a higher power, God, energy, force, nature, universe for so long in my life. Many moments feeling like a message has been sent. A nod to me. Crazy things happening it's almost unbelievable to myself.

I've also been on a bit of a ride in life. Rough upbringing. CPTSD. Blah blah blah. It's lead me on a spiritual path for sure. I feel in a huge process right now going through life changes. Taking off the mask I wore for a decade. By myself in a foreign country building things back up in my 30s. I can see/feel growth is there day by day.

Yet...

I do not feel God with me or a spiritual power almost guiding me like I have before. It's really tough in general but this on top feels like I've done something wrong and been left. IDK. I just started reading up about Dark Night Of The Soul and sounded like it connected.

I've felt so connected to a higher power, God, energy, force, nature, universe for so long in my life. Many moments feeling like a message has been sent. A nod to me. Crazy things happening it's almost unbelievable to myself.

I've also been on a bit of a ride in life. Rough upbringing. CPTSD. Blah blah blah. It's lead me on a spiritual path for sure. I feel in a huge process right now going through life changes. Taking off the mask I wore for a decade. By myself in a foreign country building things back up in my 30s. I can see/feel growth is there day by day.

Yet...

I do not feel God with me or a spiritual power almost guiding me like I have before. It's really tough in general but this on top feels like I've done something wrong and been left. IDK. I just started reading up about Dark Night Of The Soul and sounded like it connected.

I'm on Twitter too much. I'll reply / join in on convos mainly and a lot of them get lots of likes/interactions.

I only have 100 followers and I don't really post and when I do it's just random thought but nothing that would be very viral and the thing is I don't post because it gets like no engagement... Maybe a couple likes now and then....

How do you even blow up your own account/posts?

There's been times in my life I've been super on point with everything. Morning routine feeling healthy just dialled in.

I'm now in my 30s and have had some REAL rough years from hospitals/surgeries, deaths, moving to a foreign country, starting from 0 in many ways and so on. Lifes been beating me up but I'm resilient and feel on the right path and it's all shaping me.

Yet christ my mind is easier to be pessimistic more lately. It's like as I get older I'm like doubting myself when I haven't had this before. I feel brain fog and fatigued where I can't like snap out of it. I also think a big part of it is cause I've started using social media for work ALOT so that's made me be on these apps more than I have been in years. Wondering if that's causing part of it.

Anyone been through this?

I don't go around saying I'm awakened or enlightened. Everything in my life is just an ongoing process, growing till the day I head out and portal elsewhere.

Yet I'm deep in this stuff and life awareness, spiritual stuff yadda yadda.

Anyways growing up in bad conditions. Dysfunctional household. Neglect. Ruined my self confidence, agency, character. Developed CPTSD. Got help. EMDR. Things really been shifting for me.

The awareness of it all is like detaching from a mask I wore to survive (survival mode)

Becoming me is just letting go of all that wasn't

Anyone been through similar journey?

There's parts of me going in different directions at times.

One is like none of this really matters, it doesnt exist almost these feelings, its just learned programming/reactionary behaviour in the nervous system

Then it's like maybe I should focus on that energy and decide who I am.

I must be this person I want to be

All the thing you want out of yourself just be it kinda thing (christ conciousness maybe?)

Then you just go out in the world and be this person

If people say you're not or try shoot you down you ignore them cause only your view of your own agency matters

Then lead life in this way?

Is that the way?

I love looking after pets. I done it twice now. It's awesome as I just love animals. I'm sure many can relate.

Is THS the best site for this stuff? I'm happy to sign up to others where we don't look after animals too but if people want someone looking after their home or something. Watering plants. Keeping things in line.

I travel all the time for work. Working from laptop online. So it fits in well with the lifestyle.

Two different parts of the body needs these scans. Where's a good place where I'm not charged crazy amounts?

I work from home a lot.

I'll use AC pretty much only from 7PM-5AM roughly.

In the day I can have windows open. Fan on. But lately it's just too hot lol.

My AC bill is usually 2000MXN+ a month. So I'd probably double it if I was to be running it in the day. I like to keep my costs lower for long term.

Any solutions?

I'm not sure if this is even fixable.

I'm living in Quintana Roo Mexico right now. I love it and have stayed in a few accomodations which are more modern/luxury style where I don't have this smell problem.

But I'm currently renting a 30+ year old building which is beautiful and the apartment is really cool. Lots of bricks, wood and tiles. Yet it just always has this smell to it. I don't know how to describe it but it feels almost musty, humid, dry. Old kind of sums up how it smells. I keep it clean and everything but still just has this smell to it. I have windows open much as possible to let fresh air in which does help I think but also it's good to keep the windows closed when we want to use AC and so on. It gets super hot!

Everytime I go away for a couple days and close all windows I come back and it just has this old clothes smell almost. It's not like disgusting or putrid or off it's just old like dusty almost.

Anyone know why and how to resolve this so the apartment can smell FRESH/cool daily? I'm not looking for a plug in artifical smell either. I'm wondering if I need to put baking powder everything or something lol?

I'm not sure if this is even fixable.

I'm living in Quintana Roo Mexico right now. I love it and have stayed in a few accomodations which are more modern/luxury style where I don't have this smell problem.

But I'm currently renting a 30+ year old building which is beautiful and the apartment is really cool. Lots of bricks, wood and tiles. Yet it just always has this smell to it. I don't know how to describe it but it feels almost musty, humid, dry. Old kind of sums up how it smells. I keep it clean and everything but still just has this smell to it. I have windows open much as possible to let fresh air in which does help I think but also it's good to keep the windows closed when we want to use AC and so on. It gets super hot!

Everytime I go away for a couple days and close all windows I come back and it just has this old clothes smell almost. It's not like disgusting or putrid or off it's just old like dusty almost.

Anyone know why and how to resolve this so the apartment can smell FRESH/cool daily? I'm not looking for a plug in artifical smell either. I'm wondering if I need to put baking powder everything or something lol?

A few points...

1. I value community and connection. Had plenty of that in my hometown, but I've grown a lot since leaving and can't really relate to that life anymore. Not in a "better than it" way, just don't want it.
2. No strong family ties. My two immediate family are severe alcoholics, bad enough that low contact is healthier. Distant relatives detached long ago too, for the same reason. So I don't really feel like I'm missing "family."

Now...

I've spent about 50% of my 20s abroad. Backpacking, slow travel, living solo, with friends, in relationships, working online to support it. As a kid I was pretty messed up mentally, and I later realized travel was partly filling that void, like a lot of travelers do. Therapy sorted that out, and since then my travels have felt more intentional and at peace. Eventually settled in South America for 3 years.

Thought that'd be my "settling down" era, and in a way it has been, even though the place itself is transient, people always coming and going. Yet I like my own space, eating well, staying healthy, growing in every way.

For a while I thought I was weird for not living like people back home. Lately I've just accepted everyone's path is different, and if I'm happy, that's what matters. I can still want community, maybe a family one day, without forcing it. If I wake up naturally optimistic and fulfilled, that's enough.

Honestly thinking about selling most of what I've picked up the last 3 years and heading to Southeast Asia for a bit. See some friends, create some stuff, maybe a Thai cooking course.

Just throwing out some thoughts this evening...

So this is my second time on sertraline.

I was only off it for about 4 months in total before deciding to get back on.

I feel like the first time I got on it (bare in mind im 32, healthy guy in general) it kicked in super quick, it felt like within the first week I was feeling better if I remember correctly. I was sleeping better quickly I remember that. Like super soft sleeps. No rumination in morning.

Right now it's different.

I wake up and like my body is so fatigued. Tired. It's like brain fog for my entire body. It will go away later but when I first wake up its there. I wasn't like this before starting sertraline again so I'm chalking it up to the med.

Secondly I keeeeep waking up anxious. Like a type of anxious I didn't really feel before in my life. It's almost like you're on edge. About to have an anxiety attack. Cold almost.
I'm not like panicking in these moments but I'm starting to take slow breaths during this time almost like I'm keeping it at bay.

Anyone else have this stuff? Any advice?

I find people from my past almost treat me like I'm going the wrong way, that something is wrong. Almost treating me as a little bro, undermining me.

I typically don't tell anyone anything these days after this stuff. Bare in mind I used to be just in my hometown with everyone else, small town, everyone knows everyone, going out on weekends etc.

I've moved abroad by myself to a new country where I'm healthier than I ever been. I'm working in a creative field doing what I love and have dreams/aspirations on this route. I come from a awful upbringing and there is nothing there for me so getting this far is a blessing. Again I don't even use social media to post about this stuff which could attract unwanted attention (evil eye?).

The people from my past kind of just make me feel like I'm an outcast when they judge my life path. These people tend to be the ones who've stayed in their hometowns, have a comfy family situation allowed to live at home all 20s saving money etc.

I don't go around saying I've spiritually awoken but it's like I took off the mask some years ago now and found my feet. I was masking for years since school just fitting in with everyone. Didn't want to lose social status but now it's like falling away as I pursue myself.

I'm solo but hope to attract new people similar.

When I was learning piano (still am)

It was like

1. learning my major scales
2. practicing diatonic chords up and down in each scale
3. playing the inversions of these chords

all the above to a metronome

this helped a lot...

I just bought my first squier guitar... could I just follow the same pattern?

I pretty much gravitate to extended chords, inversions, voice leadings on piano all the time as it gives so much more depth/personality in the music vs just playing the standard triads or something... so I'm looking to ADD that with guitar too...